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Ex trying to force He-Who-Left-Family and Daughter to have Christmas together
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 641591" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well, yeah, Scott just excelled at everything and was handsome and outgoing too. 37 was popular, but Scott took his friends away so we quickly put them in separate schools where they both could thrive alone. When I saw how horrible 37 was reacting to Scott, whom I expected him to "show the ropes" to and be a friend to, I truly have to admit I wished I could send Scott back, but you can't do that. I felt I had ruined 37s life forever. Scott was not the scared, poor little waif I'd expected. He was confident and not frightened and stole 37s thunder.</p><p></p><p>Even though I still think it was a big trauma for 37, 37 never uses that as a reason why he did the stuff he did. He insists he had a good life except for Scott, but doesn't throw it at me or anything, even in his worst rages.</p><p></p><p>And I did grow to love Scott. He was a very sweet and rewarding child. But he was always very detached. He never wanted me to do the mommy things most young kids want from their mothers.</p><p></p><p>To be totally honest here, Scott was mismatched. When a child is adopted and that old, you'd think the social workers would be very careful about who they match him up with, but they just wanted to get him out of the country he was in. Scott would have thrived more in a very high IQ household where the father was a high earning professional and very intellectual. Instead he got my ex who was very detached himself and did not make a lot of money. His money was inherited after his mother passed away. I am just a regular person who is more creative than intellectual and I never went to college. However, most of my DNA family, including 37, are extremely high IQ. Scott looked up to his friend's parents who had the huge mansion, the doctor's label, the hot brand new car and he was rarely home. I don't think the adoption agency should have allowed us to twin kids either. We thought it was a good idea back then (ex and me), but they are the professionals and should have said, "That won't work" and assigned a different, younger or older child, to us. It WAS hard for 37, although he was very smart too and had a lot of friends. Scott's friends were high achievers. 37s were the troublemakers and he was brains behind the group.</p><p></p><p>Neither Scott nor 37 have ever liked or respected one another. My ex is so incredibly biased towards Scott because he made money that both 37 and Julie have mentioned it to me often through the years. Yet Scott is not that interested in ex. He includes him in his life in a minimal way, at his own convenience, under his own terms.</p><p></p><p>When we adopted Julie, on the other hand, 37 was already seven and a half and he was enamored of his little sister and adored her until she got a little older. Then he started teasing her. One day he took the head off of her favorite doll, stuck a knife through it, put ketchup on the knife and stuck the doll's head and the knife that was through the head onto the wall and laughed hysterically when Julie started screaming hysterically. Those are the kinds of stuff we dealt with regarding 37. He also used to do not-so-nice things to Julie while I was at work after I divorced ex and Julie, always very private, did not tell me about it. She was afraid of him. She NEVER forgot what he did to her doll. It was really scary to me. I couldn't believe he did something like that. It wasn't the only time he did things that were weird like that either.</p><p></p><p>Since 37 teased Julie when I was at work, Julie tried hanging around Scott and they got very close for many years. Scott kind of used her when he went to parties and socialized as he was shy to tears around girls and she was sort of a support system. Every girlfriend he ever had was jealous of how close he was to Julie, including his now wife. Julie, who knows him the best, tells me he was always "a robot." That is how she explains him, as one with no emotions.</p><p></p><p>This is how all three of them became estranged. Julie was bullied by 37 so she is just done with him as she does not think he is normal. And he wasn't or isn't or both. Scott dumped his sister right after he met his current wife, even though Scott and Julie used to be so close that he took her in when we threw her out. But then, when she did not behave the way he liked, he started calling her and her boyfriend nasty names. This was during his Christian conversion. He had not always been religious. The church he goes to is not your normal regular church. It is very extreme.</p><p></p><p>All in all, I don't feel a need to force my kids to get along. I'm not even sad that they don't. That is between them. And my family with Tom, my current husband, is great. Jumper and Julie gt along well and everyone loves Sonic too, so we get to see more of a family unit then ex gets to see. Our family holidays usually include Julie, SO, now the baby, my husband, Jumper and Sonic. Ex has to go from Julie's house to Scott's house if he wants to see them both and 37 is in MIssouri. So I see why he wants his two kids who live near each other to get along, but I know it is never going to happen.</p><p></p><p>The first wonderfully functional household I ever lived in was with my beloved husband Tom and our two children, Jumper and Sonic and Julie got a lot of that too as Tom loves her very much. It is hard to believe it but we have been married almost twenty years now and we lived together two years before that. Since he came into my life, the constant chaos has disappeared and he gave me all the space and time I needed to heal myself. Both Jumper and Sonic think they had an "awesome" life. I feel badly that 37 and Julie had it harder and I don't think anything I did would have made Scott attach to us in the right way. He was already formed by the time we adopted him. I always tell people who ask me about it to adopt the youngest child you can. I don't believe any kid you adopt too old can have a normal attitude toward attachment. But that's a whole other topic.</p><p></p><p>Haha, I'm enjoying our cyber-talk. I'm glad you joined the board <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 641591, member: 1550"] Well, yeah, Scott just excelled at everything and was handsome and outgoing too. 37 was popular, but Scott took his friends away so we quickly put them in separate schools where they both could thrive alone. When I saw how horrible 37 was reacting to Scott, whom I expected him to "show the ropes" to and be a friend to, I truly have to admit I wished I could send Scott back, but you can't do that. I felt I had ruined 37s life forever. Scott was not the scared, poor little waif I'd expected. He was confident and not frightened and stole 37s thunder. Even though I still think it was a big trauma for 37, 37 never uses that as a reason why he did the stuff he did. He insists he had a good life except for Scott, but doesn't throw it at me or anything, even in his worst rages. And I did grow to love Scott. He was a very sweet and rewarding child. But he was always very detached. He never wanted me to do the mommy things most young kids want from their mothers. To be totally honest here, Scott was mismatched. When a child is adopted and that old, you'd think the social workers would be very careful about who they match him up with, but they just wanted to get him out of the country he was in. Scott would have thrived more in a very high IQ household where the father was a high earning professional and very intellectual. Instead he got my ex who was very detached himself and did not make a lot of money. His money was inherited after his mother passed away. I am just a regular person who is more creative than intellectual and I never went to college. However, most of my DNA family, including 37, are extremely high IQ. Scott looked up to his friend's parents who had the huge mansion, the doctor's label, the hot brand new car and he was rarely home. I don't think the adoption agency should have allowed us to twin kids either. We thought it was a good idea back then (ex and me), but they are the professionals and should have said, "That won't work" and assigned a different, younger or older child, to us. It WAS hard for 37, although he was very smart too and had a lot of friends. Scott's friends were high achievers. 37s were the troublemakers and he was brains behind the group. Neither Scott nor 37 have ever liked or respected one another. My ex is so incredibly biased towards Scott because he made money that both 37 and Julie have mentioned it to me often through the years. Yet Scott is not that interested in ex. He includes him in his life in a minimal way, at his own convenience, under his own terms. When we adopted Julie, on the other hand, 37 was already seven and a half and he was enamored of his little sister and adored her until she got a little older. Then he started teasing her. One day he took the head off of her favorite doll, stuck a knife through it, put ketchup on the knife and stuck the doll's head and the knife that was through the head onto the wall and laughed hysterically when Julie started screaming hysterically. Those are the kinds of stuff we dealt with regarding 37. He also used to do not-so-nice things to Julie while I was at work after I divorced ex and Julie, always very private, did not tell me about it. She was afraid of him. She NEVER forgot what he did to her doll. It was really scary to me. I couldn't believe he did something like that. It wasn't the only time he did things that were weird like that either. Since 37 teased Julie when I was at work, Julie tried hanging around Scott and they got very close for many years. Scott kind of used her when he went to parties and socialized as he was shy to tears around girls and she was sort of a support system. Every girlfriend he ever had was jealous of how close he was to Julie, including his now wife. Julie, who knows him the best, tells me he was always "a robot." That is how she explains him, as one with no emotions. This is how all three of them became estranged. Julie was bullied by 37 so she is just done with him as she does not think he is normal. And he wasn't or isn't or both. Scott dumped his sister right after he met his current wife, even though Scott and Julie used to be so close that he took her in when we threw her out. But then, when she did not behave the way he liked, he started calling her and her boyfriend nasty names. This was during his Christian conversion. He had not always been religious. The church he goes to is not your normal regular church. It is very extreme. All in all, I don't feel a need to force my kids to get along. I'm not even sad that they don't. That is between them. And my family with Tom, my current husband, is great. Jumper and Julie gt along well and everyone loves Sonic too, so we get to see more of a family unit then ex gets to see. Our family holidays usually include Julie, SO, now the baby, my husband, Jumper and Sonic. Ex has to go from Julie's house to Scott's house if he wants to see them both and 37 is in MIssouri. So I see why he wants his two kids who live near each other to get along, but I know it is never going to happen. The first wonderfully functional household I ever lived in was with my beloved husband Tom and our two children, Jumper and Sonic and Julie got a lot of that too as Tom loves her very much. It is hard to believe it but we have been married almost twenty years now and we lived together two years before that. Since he came into my life, the constant chaos has disappeared and he gave me all the space and time I needed to heal myself. Both Jumper and Sonic think they had an "awesome" life. I feel badly that 37 and Julie had it harder and I don't think anything I did would have made Scott attach to us in the right way. He was already formed by the time we adopted him. I always tell people who ask me about it to adopt the youngest child you can. I don't believe any kid you adopt too old can have a normal attitude toward attachment. But that's a whole other topic. Haha, I'm enjoying our cyber-talk. I'm glad you joined the board :) [/QUOTE]
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Ex trying to force He-Who-Left-Family and Daughter to have Christmas together
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