My ex can be a real meathead who does things for his own wants and needs, a lot like my father. I often wonder if that's why I married him. They are so alike. So here's the problem. Oldest Daughter rarely calls me upset, but she did today because ex is trying to force her and He-Who-Left-Family to have Christmas together. Scott was a big jerk to Daughter. They were very close once and when he met his spouse he dumped his sister like a bag of old garbage. I assume his wife was jealous of their closeness and he believes the Bible says your wife comes first and your real family is The Family of God. Anyhow, he broke her heart and I was there with her through it. He also had an altercation with Daughter and her currect SO and father of their child. He called them both names, said they both had no idea what a relationship was because they were screwing each other before marriage, and that their relationship would never last. That's just the tip of it, but it was ugly. Ex keeps trying to get the two of them to "make up." The problem is, Scott has no intention of owning up to what he did wrong, doesn't really WANT to have a relationship with Julie, and his wife is even more resistant. But ex has money and Scott wants to make sure he gets a piece of it, although he has plenty of money. Julie doesn't want to have a relationship with Scott as he hurt her terribly, dumped her, hasn't called her or sent her a Christmas card in eight years and her SO remembers the wrong prediction and hurtful words and wants NOTHING to do with him. There are kids now. Scott has two. Julie has one. So she called me crying and asking me if I could talk to my ex. I am probably the one who knows him best and can get through to him. I don't like to do things for difficult child 37 because he will overdepend on me, but Julie isn't like that. On top of it, ex suggested that Julie use her chef skills and cook for them all! Um...huh? She didn't even cook for Thanksgiving because of the baby. She said to me, "Like I want to cook for his family!!!" I figure this was ridiculous and I decided to help. I called him up and told him Julie was upset because of his Christmas plans, which not only included both estranged families getting together, but doing it at his house. Julie does not like to take the baby to other homes as she won't sleep except in her own crib. The only reason he didn't bully her into coming to his house for Thanksgiving was because he knew I'd be there and I'd stand behind her. I took the easiest route. I told him hubby, me, Jumper and Sonic were coming up on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We aren't. We usually go a week before and have our own Christmas. But if my coming up on that day would stop his insanity, I was willing to go up there on the holiday. And I asked him if Scott would like to spend the holidays with ME. This is a problem for ex. Scott doesn't want ANYTHING to do with me, I don't have money that he wants to inherit, and, unlike Julie, I am not afraid of ex or Scott. Ex laughed and said, "You can't come in on Christmas." I said, "I can come in whenever I want to come in. I'm very flexible. If coming in on the holiday will either stop this or support Julie, we will all be there." Scott would never face the entire family. He's not that brave and hates drama. He got ticky and we had a few words where I kept repeating I'd come up if he tried to bully his daughter into this and finally he said, "Fine! I'll go visit 37!" I told him that was his choice. It actually would work out well. 37 will be alone for Christmas. He won't drive to Chicago and doesn't have his son. I don't think ex is really going to do that though. I do not normally meddle in these things, but Julie was incredibly upset and has not yet learned how to stand up to her rather eccentric, controlling father. She also feels very sorry for him because he lives alone and, in his retirement, is bored because he chooses not to volunteer, not to travel, not to move to a place with other retirees and basically to have no life at all. I explained to Julie that these are his choices...to be bored. He has excuses for why he can't have a life that are very creative. She is softhearted. She wants her dad to love her without strings. He does love her, but there are strings. He is a control freak too. I understand why ex wants his kids who live in Illinois near him to have a relationship, but it isn't going to happen if neither want one. Scott will not admit he did anything wrong. He has slandered his sister to his wife and she claims she is afraid of all of us and is very hostile. Funnily enough, he never tries to get Scott and 37 to even talk on the phone. 37 would tell him off so he doesn't bring it up. I mean, 37 would REALLY tell him off...lol. Too bad bullies go after the vulnerable. I feel good about intervening in this. My ex is suffering the consequences of not accepting what is. The one and only time he bullied the two of them into having breakfast together, Julie swore she'd never do it again, they barely spoke, and Scott spent most of what he DID say bragging about his money and the upscale preschool his four year old was going to. Most of the time ex, Julie, her SO and Scott ate in silence. Scott's wife did not show up. That is significant because she usually goes everywhere with him. I was happy to help out. I suspect ex will not try this again for a while.