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Exhausted, stressed, and very sad
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<blockquote data-quote="Otto von Bismark" data-source="post: 509821" data-attributes="member: 12905"><p>I'm no pro on this because we have no ODD, and we squashed anything drug/rebellion related very early on with our older kids. I am not into judging, because different things work for different families, but my spidy senses tell me your house rules are too lenient, so it might be time to tighten the ratchet. Example: don't like our rules, live elsewhere. Of course a hot-headed ODD teen is going to choose to have drugs and freedom from your rules. I know your are broken-hearted over this, I am not trying to make you feel bad.</p><p></p><p> Any time our older kids got out of whack, we reeled them in big time and "readjusted." They experienced new rules for a while, and life went better for them when they followed the rules. It wasn't fun, and they hated us, but benefited from the attention, rules, and on some level, knew that we really really cared. We also had no problem removing certain friends from their lives, and each time we did, it turned out to be the right decision. They do so much better without bad peers influencing them.</p><p></p><p>My favorite book for communication between parents and teens is "Have a New Teenager by Friday." The fact that communication starts with you, and teens trust you when you react a certain way is a big theme in this book. This won't "fix" your ODD, drug-addicted kid in a week, but it will help you learn to communicate with her, if you are having trouble in that area.</p><p></p><p>Communication is everything, even with drug kids. They can't hear you when they are using, and they use because they are hurt/empty/angry and out of the loop with their family. You have to fix the drug problem first. Then she might be able to start hearing people who love her. I also think that if you believe she is "dabbling in" other drugs and you can name them, then she is probably using a lot and not dabbling at all.</p><p></p><p>I hope you post over in the substance abuse forum. The people on this board really know a LOT. I really hope you get a superior therapist for her, very quickly. I know you are doing the best you can. Time to up your game so you can save her.</p><p></p><p>Hugs, hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Otto von Bismark, post: 509821, member: 12905"] I'm no pro on this because we have no ODD, and we squashed anything drug/rebellion related very early on with our older kids. I am not into judging, because different things work for different families, but my spidy senses tell me your house rules are too lenient, so it might be time to tighten the ratchet. Example: don't like our rules, live elsewhere. Of course a hot-headed ODD teen is going to choose to have drugs and freedom from your rules. I know your are broken-hearted over this, I am not trying to make you feel bad. Any time our older kids got out of whack, we reeled them in big time and "readjusted." They experienced new rules for a while, and life went better for them when they followed the rules. It wasn't fun, and they hated us, but benefited from the attention, rules, and on some level, knew that we really really cared. We also had no problem removing certain friends from their lives, and each time we did, it turned out to be the right decision. They do so much better without bad peers influencing them. My favorite book for communication between parents and teens is "Have a New Teenager by Friday." The fact that communication starts with you, and teens trust you when you react a certain way is a big theme in this book. This won't "fix" your ODD, drug-addicted kid in a week, but it will help you learn to communicate with her, if you are having trouble in that area. Communication is everything, even with drug kids. They can't hear you when they are using, and they use because they are hurt/empty/angry and out of the loop with their family. You have to fix the drug problem first. Then she might be able to start hearing people who love her. I also think that if you believe she is "dabbling in" other drugs and you can name them, then she is probably using a lot and not dabbling at all. I hope you post over in the substance abuse forum. The people on this board really know a LOT. I really hope you get a superior therapist for her, very quickly. I know you are doing the best you can. Time to up your game so you can save her. Hugs, hugs. [/QUOTE]
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