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explosive child vs. love and logic
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 403259" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>We do what works. I love Explosive Child because it has worked so well for us. Things are still a long way form great, but so much better than before, and we can at last see the chance of some future capability for difficult child 3.</p><p></p><p>We use Plan B a great deal, it's become almost instinctive. husband is finally getting the hang of it - it's not been easy for him because it has involved such a major change in direction for him. There is always the problem of when you're so tired you can't think straight, which is the time to watch out for - that is when you snap back to automatic pilot, and all your good efforts can be undermined with one misplaced cross word.</p><p></p><p>Plan B also works best when you can plan ahead and set things up. For example, we collected an old washing machine yesterday from easy child 2/difficult child 2. husband finally got the chance to look at it - it is unrepairable. He said, "I'm going to want to tear difficult child 3 away from his gaming in a while, to come help me move this out of the way."</p><p>I went inside and as I passed difficult child 3, I said, "Dad is going to need your help in a while. The old washing machine has to get moved out of the garage. It cannot be fixed and is junk."</p><p>So I laid the groundwork. When husband went to difficult child 3 and said, "Come on, son, I need your help," the seeds had already been sown. He remembered, he went to help. I did hear him ask, "Can this be fixed? Why not?" and I gather husband showed him just how much was wrong. </p><p>Result - husband & difficult child 3 worked together to do a task, helped one another, no arguing or shouting. A positive interaction. Each time this happens well, it is a bonus and lays groundwork for the next positive interaction.</p><p></p><p>We go out of our way to help difficult child 3 and let him know we have done so. Not in any rub-it-in-his-face kind of way, but so he is constantly aware that we do not take him for granted, and require the same consideration back from him as a target.</p><p></p><p>His attempts - we welcome. We forgive imperfection, but model and rehearse with him the behaviour we aim for.</p><p></p><p>It's an ongoing process.</p><p></p><p>For us, Basket A is always mostly empty. We don't enforce what we can't be certain of getting. We don't engage battles we can't win. But we do what we can to get what we want, and praise him when we get it. In this way, Basket C is shrinking.</p><p></p><p>Haven't yet read Love and Logic, but I do think I have to get it out of the library.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 403259, member: 1991"] We do what works. I love Explosive Child because it has worked so well for us. Things are still a long way form great, but so much better than before, and we can at last see the chance of some future capability for difficult child 3. We use Plan B a great deal, it's become almost instinctive. husband is finally getting the hang of it - it's not been easy for him because it has involved such a major change in direction for him. There is always the problem of when you're so tired you can't think straight, which is the time to watch out for - that is when you snap back to automatic pilot, and all your good efforts can be undermined with one misplaced cross word. Plan B also works best when you can plan ahead and set things up. For example, we collected an old washing machine yesterday from easy child 2/difficult child 2. husband finally got the chance to look at it - it is unrepairable. He said, "I'm going to want to tear difficult child 3 away from his gaming in a while, to come help me move this out of the way." I went inside and as I passed difficult child 3, I said, "Dad is going to need your help in a while. The old washing machine has to get moved out of the garage. It cannot be fixed and is junk." So I laid the groundwork. When husband went to difficult child 3 and said, "Come on, son, I need your help," the seeds had already been sown. He remembered, he went to help. I did hear him ask, "Can this be fixed? Why not?" and I gather husband showed him just how much was wrong. Result - husband & difficult child 3 worked together to do a task, helped one another, no arguing or shouting. A positive interaction. Each time this happens well, it is a bonus and lays groundwork for the next positive interaction. We go out of our way to help difficult child 3 and let him know we have done so. Not in any rub-it-in-his-face kind of way, but so he is constantly aware that we do not take him for granted, and require the same consideration back from him as a target. His attempts - we welcome. We forgive imperfection, but model and rehearse with him the behaviour we aim for. It's an ongoing process. For us, Basket A is always mostly empty. We don't enforce what we can't be certain of getting. We don't engage battles we can't win. But we do what we can to get what we want, and praise him when we get it. In this way, Basket C is shrinking. Haven't yet read Love and Logic, but I do think I have to get it out of the library. Marg [/QUOTE]
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