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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 730153" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>pjean, welcome. I believe it's imperative that you follow your gut feeling, that is what is supporting you. In your heart of hearts, you know how it will turn out if you allow her back into your home. </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately when we stop enabling, our adult troubled kids usually begin the serious manipulations to get us back to status quo, it is fairly predictable behavior. She is likely waiting for you to cave so she can get whatever it is she needs from you. Don't cave! Stay strong!</p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. A good resource is the book Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie. Many of us here attend 12 step groups such as Families Anonymous and Al Anon, they can be helpful supports as you learn how to detach and respond differently. A number of us have private therapists to help guide us thru the rough terrain of changing, to help us say no, to help us set boundaries and keep them, to help us identify and heal issues within US that contributes to enabling our kids....<em>to help us learn how to accept what we can't change......</em></p><p></p><p>Be careful about eviction laws, they differ in each state. You can google the laws in your state to find out the criteria if that becomes an issue. </p><p></p><p>You have made a difficult choice but it is usually the only choice left to us parents as our kids go off the rails......we have to learn how to detach from their choices and behaviors and stop enabling them....it is not easy.....it is <strong>necessary</strong> for our well being and theirs as well. You've done a very difficult thing ......hang in there......you're not alone......we'll circle our wagons around you......I'm glad you're here.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 730153, member: 13542"] pjean, welcome. I believe it's imperative that you follow your gut feeling, that is what is supporting you. In your heart of hearts, you know how it will turn out if you allow her back into your home. Unfortunately when we stop enabling, our adult troubled kids usually begin the serious manipulations to get us back to status quo, it is fairly predictable behavior. She is likely waiting for you to cave so she can get whatever it is she needs from you. Don't cave! Stay strong! You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. A good resource is the book Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie. Many of us here attend 12 step groups such as Families Anonymous and Al Anon, they can be helpful supports as you learn how to detach and respond differently. A number of us have private therapists to help guide us thru the rough terrain of changing, to help us say no, to help us set boundaries and keep them, to help us identify and heal issues within US that contributes to enabling our kids....[I]to help us learn how to accept what we can't change......[/I] Be careful about eviction laws, they differ in each state. You can google the laws in your state to find out the criteria if that becomes an issue. You have made a difficult choice but it is usually the only choice left to us parents as our kids go off the rails......we have to learn how to detach from their choices and behaviors and stop enabling them....it is not easy.....it is [B]necessary[/B] for our well being and theirs as well. You've done a very difficult thing ......hang in there......you're not alone......we'll circle our wagons around you......I'm glad you're here..... [/QUOTE]
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