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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 662739" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I think that, given the lives we all had created, we would have been fine even with what happened to our children <em>had we not seen our Families of Origin again.</em> I have been reviewing the damage caused by FOO once I was vulnerable ~ once my confidence in myself and in my ability to think things through and find answers had been eroded by what was happening with my kids. Had that additional condemnation not occurred, I would have been stronger, more flexible, better able to believe in myself. For those who don't know, when we brought daughter into that first Adolescent Crisis Center at fourteen, D H felt we should of course call my parents. We had called his right away. And you know, I knew better but again, did so at his urging. My mother's first words, quick and awful as that were: "Well, I guess you weren't such a good mother after all, were you."</p><p></p><p>And that sent me down that same road we all go on when our kids fall and fall, but with a bullet.</p><p></p><p>I swear, I would like to reach through that phone line now and break her jaw for having said those words to me.</p><p></p><p>Oh wait.</p><p></p><p>I meant pass the salt.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Back to you, Copa. Your child was experiencing problems too, when you began interacting with your mom and your sister. Like me Copa, you did all the right and true things but somehow, were left bereft <em>and you were not supported either as you should have been</em>. We both should have been surrounded by women who loved us and strengthened us and who loved our children.</p><p></p><p>That is what D H mom did.</p><p></p><p>She even went to that treatment center to be interviewed and defend her grandchild and she told me she was going to do it, too.</p><p></p><p>I don't know what she said, but I loved that she loved my child enough to do that.</p><p></p><p>My mother did not visit our child during that two week stay. She did not ask about her, other than to predict, in great detail, what the upcoming bad outcome would look like.</p><p></p><p>Crazy biatch. Oh, wait. I meant dry drunk. Oh for heaven's sake. <em>I meant pass the freaking salt.</em></p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/9-07tears.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":9-07tears:" title="crying :9-07tears:" data-shortname=":9-07tears:" /></p><p></p><p><em>***</em> </p><p></p><p>That feeling of bereavement; not even grief, and not even complex grief, but utter bereavement.</p><p></p><p>Remember the poetry? <em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Taste...ashes</em></p><p><em>ashes, on the westwind, blown....</em></p><p></p><p>What I do know is that our lives will be fuller, will be lived from a depth and breadth of self we did not have access to before clearing this material. </p><p></p><p>I so resent that this happened to me.</p><p></p><p>I do.</p><p></p><p>This is a different take on past events. In the beginning, I did not believe myself. Then, I was ashamed. Then, I was so afraid at the intensity and duration of the feelings. </p><p></p><p>We kept at it though, didn't we.</p><p></p><p>Now, I have been angry forever, it feels like.</p><p></p><p>So, though I keep telling and retelling the same events, I am telling them from a different perspective.</p><p></p><p>This is working.</p><p></p><p>Thanks, to everyone reading and commenting.</p><p></p><p>But I really am quite angry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 662739, member: 17461"] I think that, given the lives we all had created, we would have been fine even with what happened to our children [I]had we not seen our Families of Origin again.[/I] I have been reviewing the damage caused by FOO once I was vulnerable ~ once my confidence in myself and in my ability to think things through and find answers had been eroded by what was happening with my kids. Had that additional condemnation not occurred, I would have been stronger, more flexible, better able to believe in myself. For those who don't know, when we brought daughter into that first Adolescent Crisis Center at fourteen, D H felt we should of course call my parents. We had called his right away. And you know, I knew better but again, did so at his urging. My mother's first words, quick and awful as that were: "Well, I guess you weren't such a good mother after all, were you." And that sent me down that same road we all go on when our kids fall and fall, but with a bullet. I swear, I would like to reach through that phone line now and break her jaw for having said those words to me. Oh wait. I meant pass the salt. Cedar Back to you, Copa. Your child was experiencing problems too, when you began interacting with your mom and your sister. Like me Copa, you did all the right and true things but somehow, were left bereft [I]and you were not supported either as you should have been[/I]. We both should have been surrounded by women who loved us and strengthened us and who loved our children. That is what D H mom did. She even went to that treatment center to be interviewed and defend her grandchild and she told me she was going to do it, too. I don't know what she said, but I loved that she loved my child enough to do that. My mother did not visit our child during that two week stay. She did not ask about her, other than to predict, in great detail, what the upcoming bad outcome would look like. Crazy biatch. Oh, wait. I meant dry drunk. Oh for heaven's sake. [I]I meant pass the freaking salt.[/I] :9-07tears: [I]***[/I] That feeling of bereavement; not even grief, and not even complex grief, but utter bereavement. Remember the poetry? [I] Taste...ashes ashes, on the westwind, blown....[/I] What I do know is that our lives will be fuller, will be lived from a depth and breadth of self we did not have access to before clearing this material. I so resent that this happened to me. I do. This is a different take on past events. In the beginning, I did not believe myself. Then, I was ashamed. Then, I was so afraid at the intensity and duration of the feelings. We kept at it though, didn't we. Now, I have been angry forever, it feels like. So, though I keep telling and retelling the same events, I am telling them from a different perspective. This is working. Thanks, to everyone reading and commenting. But I really am quite angry. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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