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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 662750" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I woke up this morning and did not want to wake up. I wanted to be alive but did not want to be in the state where I had a consciousness where my ego could drive my awareness or volition. I wanted to stay in a dreamy state where my consciousness was as if washed over me, not imposed by my will or my want.</p><p></p><p>Because I do not trust myself one bit to treat myself well, to keep my wanting with respect to my son in any reasonable balance (where I do not kill myself with worry). And most of all I do not want to be subjected to the cruel and vicious recriminations within me, as I react inside myself to my failure to anticipate, control, understand, foretell or in any way accept my son's behavior and choices...in a way that feels tolerable. </p><p></p><p>I cannot get it. I do not control him. I cannot cure him. And it is not my fault. I want a brain transplant.</p><p>Or to stay in a half dream state for the rest of my half-woken life. If you think I am kidding, you are half-wrong.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 662750, member: 18958"] I woke up this morning and did not want to wake up. I wanted to be alive but did not want to be in the state where I had a consciousness where my ego could drive my awareness or volition. I wanted to stay in a dreamy state where my consciousness was as if washed over me, not imposed by my will or my want. Because I do not trust myself one bit to treat myself well, to keep my wanting with respect to my son in any reasonable balance (where I do not kill myself with worry). And most of all I do not want to be subjected to the cruel and vicious recriminations within me, as I react inside myself to my failure to anticipate, control, understand, foretell or in any way accept my son's behavior and choices...in a way that feels tolerable. I cannot get it. I do not control him. I cannot cure him. And it is not my fault. I want a brain transplant. Or to stay in a half dream state for the rest of my half-woken life. If you think I am kidding, you are half-wrong. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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