Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 662861" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I love them too, from hearing you talk about them. Sonic, Jumper, Bart, Junior.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>So, I have been feeling less than myself, in that way it feels when we are not being, and cannot seem to touch, what it was to be our best selves. This could be the freeing of another level. I have been stumbling through unbelievable things relative to my Family of Origin, wondering so often how any of this could possibly be true...knowing that in essence, it is.</p><p></p><p>It is true.</p><p></p><p>I feel very sad that this is so.</p><p></p><p>I remind myself of Kubler-Ross' Stages of Grief, and that it is appropriate that I would grieve these things I have learned are true ~ that it was the same truth, over time, all the time. Part of what I feel is a distaste for my own blood.</p><p></p><p>There just weren't any heroes; there was so much hatred.</p><p></p><p>I could be feeling this way because clearing this material has been time consuming and has been traumatic, repeatedly traumatic, over time.</p><p></p><p>Or maybe I am wishing with all my heart I had stayed firmly in denial.</p><p></p><p>Never; not after what they have done. Not after how they have behaved toward my daughter.</p><p></p><p>Never.</p><p></p><p>The twists and the ugliness in it are difficult to assimilate so easily.</p><p></p><p>The end of it ~ even the way it's ended already more than once with my FOO...pretty cruel. </p><p></p><p>It could be that, as other states of mind have passed, this one too will clear.</p><p></p><p>But I was in a place where nothing felt right. It was warm, the carpet seemed musty, the sheets were loose and clingy. I thought about the way I have been thinking about my mom and sister; though I do see the value in clearing this material and in clarifying my thinking regarding what is happening in my FOO, I feel overwhelmed by the ugliness in it ~ by the ugly hopelessness of it. I thought about my kids and grands and how to hold all that in faith.</p><p></p><p>In faith.</p><p></p><p>Faith is not, like a gambler's bet, something that turns out right or wrong. It is an act, an intention, a project....</p><p></p><p>The quote the above paraphrase is taken from was the motto, was the freaking Mission Statement of my life, at one point. I had it at the bottom of my posts. I believed it with all my heart.</p><p></p><p>For all those years, I believed.</p><p></p><p>I lost faith in so many things, when my daughter went homeless and was beat and during the time that came, after. At some point, I removed the quote from my postings. It seemed there was nothing to believe in anymore; that I was just giving lip service to everything that once meant something, that should still mean something, in my life.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I got up wondering how I'd survived the first losses and whether this determined psychic mining had been a mistake. It feels very different to face the repetitious ugliness of it than it did to accept whatever the wrongness was and hope things would resolve well. Thinking of Benedictine values, and of the strength I found there the first time, I began reviewing a Benedictine site. I knew it would center me, and it did. So I will put the more comforting aspects of what I found here for all of us.</p><p></p><p>Remember the poetry?</p><p></p><p><em>To shelter against the bloodied breast of the wounded white dove</em></p><p><em>and to weave, of the dancer's shadow and the white mare's breath....</em></p><p></p><p>***</p><p>This is speaking of oblate Benedictines, which I am going to look into. Have to drive across the bridge, to do it. So, maybe that will be a good test for me. Anyway, here is what I found that brought some comfort:</p><p></p><p>"Seeking harmony and integrity of life, they perpetuate and enhance the traditional Benedictine motto: Peace.</p><p></p><p>They take care to seek out opportunities for the practice of charity and warm hospitality to those around them.</p><p></p><p>Let the abbot moderate all things that there be something for the strong to strive after and nothing to dishearten the weak."</p><p></p><p>Then, there was a section on chimes, and on the chimes of Big Ben in particular, and on the regulation of life possible through the chimes of a clock. So, I went and looked that up on YouTube and it was a lovely thing.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>LATER THIS MORNING</p><p></p><p>So. Look what I found. I wasn't going to post this post. It was just that I couldn't sleep and etc. Now I am back, and I am going to post it. You were right all along, SWOT. There are names for patterns of behavior, and considering them in our own cases can make the difference between believing we have slipped and gone too far and are turning into our mothers and understanding, finally, what happened. </p><p></p><p>I have the "why" now, that I could never make sense of.</p><p></p><p>I remember SWOT, when you would post this, that, or the next article relating to psychiatric diagnoses. I would always post back that it didn't seem appropriate to label someone. I wasn't even sure I believed any of the diagnoses mattered. So, this morning, I was zipping around on the internet to see what I could find that would resonate, that would comfort me...and I did a search for borderline moms.</p><p></p><p>Bingo.</p><p></p><p>There is another site on borderline moms which lists the four types of borderline moms. I only know how to copy and paste one thing at a time though, so I did not include that one. If I were going to say, which I know I shouldn't but here it is, I would label your mom Queen.</p><p></p><p>Mine is Witch/Queen, because there was physical abuse. The article even stated that while borderlines do not typically physically abuse, when they do, it is carefully concealed from outsiders. The therapist, a woman, noted that the aftereffects for the children of borderline moms are among the most harmful and long lasting.</p><p></p><p><em>Here is how you know whether an adult was likely brought up by a borderline mom: The symptoms he or she carries into therapy.</em></p><p></p><p>Here is a quote:</p><p></p><p><em>"It is almost unique to the child of a borderline to feel a lack of attachment and a lack of love from the parent while at the same time blaming themselves for feeling that way."</em></p><p></p><p>I did not note where I got that. I put it in my journal, and that is how I could quote it here for you.</p><p></p><p>"People who are concerned about saying/feeling terrible things or being a horrible person are seldom horrible people."</p><p></p><p>YAY! I spent all night feeling horrible because I tore my mom's jaw off and made her wear a Bozo nose. I really did wonder what had happened and whether I had finally gone too far with this psychic mining <em>and was beginning to turn into my mother, after all.</em></p><p></p><p>I'm not. I'm okay. I feel like a little kid who said a prayer and had it answered.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Thank you SWOT, for posting information on the different illnesses. I never would pay attention to the names, because I did not want that to be ~ I didn't want to believe something that bad could happen to my daughter, and could be a real thing, because it is so awful.</p><p></p><p>But to have read the information on borderline mothers and seen the exact way I feel about my mom there released me from where I was going; so like, shocked and disappointed in myself and wondering what it meant that I no longer was able to hold faith and etc.</p><p></p><p>For each of us here on the FOO Chronicles, though I never in a million years dreamed I would suggest it, there was excellent information on the effects and the manner of healing for those raised by parents er...fitting the diagnostic criteria.</p><p></p><p>You could google borderline mom or bipolar mom (or dad). Or schizophrenic mom, probably.</p><p></p><p>It was very helpful to me, to do this.</p><p></p><p>But I still do feel badly about tearing my mom's jaw off and making her wear that Bozo nose.</p><p></p><p>I do.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 662861, member: 17461"] I love them too, from hearing you talk about them. Sonic, Jumper, Bart, Junior. :O) *** So, I have been feeling less than myself, in that way it feels when we are not being, and cannot seem to touch, what it was to be our best selves. This could be the freeing of another level. I have been stumbling through unbelievable things relative to my Family of Origin, wondering so often how any of this could possibly be true...knowing that in essence, it is. It is true. I feel very sad that this is so. I remind myself of Kubler-Ross' Stages of Grief, and that it is appropriate that I would grieve these things I have learned are true ~ that it was the same truth, over time, all the time. Part of what I feel is a distaste for my own blood. There just weren't any heroes; there was so much hatred. I could be feeling this way because clearing this material has been time consuming and has been traumatic, repeatedly traumatic, over time. Or maybe I am wishing with all my heart I had stayed firmly in denial. Never; not after what they have done. Not after how they have behaved toward my daughter. Never. The twists and the ugliness in it are difficult to assimilate so easily. The end of it ~ even the way it's ended already more than once with my FOO...pretty cruel. It could be that, as other states of mind have passed, this one too will clear. But I was in a place where nothing felt right. It was warm, the carpet seemed musty, the sheets were loose and clingy. I thought about the way I have been thinking about my mom and sister; though I do see the value in clearing this material and in clarifying my thinking regarding what is happening in my FOO, I feel overwhelmed by the ugliness in it ~ by the ugly hopelessness of it. I thought about my kids and grands and how to hold all that in faith. In faith. Faith is not, like a gambler's bet, something that turns out right or wrong. It is an act, an intention, a project.... The quote the above paraphrase is taken from was the motto, was the freaking Mission Statement of my life, at one point. I had it at the bottom of my posts. I believed it with all my heart. For all those years, I believed. I lost faith in so many things, when my daughter went homeless and was beat and during the time that came, after. At some point, I removed the quote from my postings. It seemed there was nothing to believe in anymore; that I was just giving lip service to everything that once meant something, that should still mean something, in my life. Anyway, I got up wondering how I'd survived the first losses and whether this determined psychic mining had been a mistake. It feels very different to face the repetitious ugliness of it than it did to accept whatever the wrongness was and hope things would resolve well. Thinking of Benedictine values, and of the strength I found there the first time, I began reviewing a Benedictine site. I knew it would center me, and it did. So I will put the more comforting aspects of what I found here for all of us. Remember the poetry? [I]To shelter against the bloodied breast of the wounded white dove and to weave, of the dancer's shadow and the white mare's breath....[/I] *** This is speaking of oblate Benedictines, which I am going to look into. Have to drive across the bridge, to do it. So, maybe that will be a good test for me. Anyway, here is what I found that brought some comfort: "Seeking harmony and integrity of life, they perpetuate and enhance the traditional Benedictine motto: Peace. They take care to seek out opportunities for the practice of charity and warm hospitality to those around them. Let the abbot moderate all things that there be something for the strong to strive after and nothing to dishearten the weak." Then, there was a section on chimes, and on the chimes of Big Ben in particular, and on the regulation of life possible through the chimes of a clock. So, I went and looked that up on YouTube and it was a lovely thing. Cedar LATER THIS MORNING So. Look what I found. I wasn't going to post this post. It was just that I couldn't sleep and etc. Now I am back, and I am going to post it. You were right all along, SWOT. There are names for patterns of behavior, and considering them in our own cases can make the difference between believing we have slipped and gone too far and are turning into our mothers and understanding, finally, what happened. I have the "why" now, that I could never make sense of. I remember SWOT, when you would post this, that, or the next article relating to psychiatric diagnoses. I would always post back that it didn't seem appropriate to label someone. I wasn't even sure I believed any of the diagnoses mattered. So, this morning, I was zipping around on the internet to see what I could find that would resonate, that would comfort me...and I did a search for borderline moms. Bingo. There is another site on borderline moms which lists the four types of borderline moms. I only know how to copy and paste one thing at a time though, so I did not include that one. If I were going to say, which I know I shouldn't but here it is, I would label your mom Queen. Mine is Witch/Queen, because there was physical abuse. The article even stated that while borderlines do not typically physically abuse, when they do, it is carefully concealed from outsiders. The therapist, a woman, noted that the aftereffects for the children of borderline moms are among the most harmful and long lasting. [I]Here is how you know whether an adult was likely brought up by a borderline mom: The symptoms he or she carries into therapy.[/I] Here is a quote: [I]"It is almost unique to the child of a borderline to feel a lack of attachment and a lack of love from the parent while at the same time blaming themselves for feeling that way."[/I] I did not note where I got that. I put it in my journal, and that is how I could quote it here for you. "People who are concerned about saying/feeling terrible things or being a horrible person are seldom horrible people." YAY! I spent all night feeling horrible because I tore my mom's jaw off and made her wear a Bozo nose. I really did wonder what had happened and whether I had finally gone too far with this psychic mining [I]and was beginning to turn into my mother, after all.[/I] I'm not. I'm okay. I feel like a little kid who said a prayer and had it answered. :O) *** Thank you SWOT, for posting information on the different illnesses. I never would pay attention to the names, because I did not want that to be ~ I didn't want to believe something that bad could happen to my daughter, and could be a real thing, because it is so awful. But to have read the information on borderline mothers and seen the exact way I feel about my mom there released me from where I was going; so like, shocked and disappointed in myself and wondering what it meant that I no longer was able to hold faith and etc. For each of us here on the FOO Chronicles, though I never in a million years dreamed I would suggest it, there was excellent information on the effects and the manner of healing for those raised by parents er...fitting the diagnostic criteria. You could google borderline mom or bipolar mom (or dad). Or schizophrenic mom, probably. It was very helpful to me, to do this. But I still do feel badly about tearing my mom's jaw off and making her wear that Bozo nose. I do. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
Top