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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 662917" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Here is part of a story from Experience Project and see how much this sounds like your own family. I will comment at the end.</p><p></p><p>"I have a good boyfriend of many years whom I live with, I go to a fine university and get good grades. Life is okay.</p><p></p><p>Except my family doesn't care about me one bit, I don't understand why and it saddens me so much. My boyfriends family has more interest in me than my own mother!"</p><p></p><p>The reason I need to spill this now is that I have surgery next week and I am terrified since I have never had surgery before. My boyfriend is coming with me but the doctor told me to bring a family member too as I cannot be left alone the first few days I return home.</p><p></p><p>I told my mother and she immediately told me she wouldn't go. I did not even get to say what I was getting surgery for. I handed her the papers which she looked at briefly and then handed back to me. Then she told me how concerned she was with my little brother because he had been so unhappy lately, and I just sat there astonished.</p><p></p><p>Before I leave she asks me to write an sms after surgery next week. I tell her the surgery is 10 day from now, not next week (and let me remind you the date of my surgery was on the paper I handed her). Then she asks me when I will be home from surgery and I say I don't know. Then she asks me why I don't know, if it isn't just a routine operation, and I say no and then we say goodbye and I leave.</p><p></p><p>It is not like my mom treats me like ****. She does not call me names or anything, she just doesn't care about me. This incident really crushed me as I had a tiny hope that she would be there for me when it counted the most, but it turns she wont."</p><p></p><p>Well, my mother DID call me names, but the rest rang true for me. In fact...</p><p></p><p>This reminds me almost exactly of when I had just given birth to my son and was bleeding internally and had a fever of 104 and doctor told me to get myself to the ER right away.</p><p></p><p>My mother was newly divorced and playling Teenager with a younger man and I have no idea why she was the first person I called. I guess I was still very young (24) and I still thought to call Mother during hard times. I learned not too soon enough, but this was before. I told her I was bleeding internally and the doctor said I had to get to ER right away. She lived close to me so I asked if she could please watch the baby while I went to ER with husband.</p><p></p><p>She replied, "I told you, I'm not going to babysit for you ever."</p><p></p><p>I think I begged a little.</p><p></p><p>"No."</p><p></p><p>I called mother-in-law who rushed over right away and never EVER forgot that my own mother would not babysit for her first grandchild, whom she never did see much, when her daughter was as sick as I was. She never stopped bringing it up, it puzzled her so much.</p><p></p><p>Years later I had a mastectomy (fortunately very early stage cancer, but still...) and Mother didn't visit either.</p><p></p><p>This is a very good forum to read. I never post on it, but I do read. You can read about any topic. People write their experiences (which is where Experience Project gets it's name) and trust me you will relate.</p><p></p><p>This helped me heal just like the first thread helped me so much. It made me see that my family was horrible, but that it was also very typical of horrible families. There is a plotline to the way they interact and they are remarkably similar, even with some members refusing to acknowledge the abuse that the writer experienced.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 662917, member: 1550"] Here is part of a story from Experience Project and see how much this sounds like your own family. I will comment at the end. "I have a good boyfriend of many years whom I live with, I go to a fine university and get good grades. Life is okay. Except my family doesn't care about me one bit, I don't understand why and it saddens me so much. My boyfriends family has more interest in me than my own mother!" The reason I need to spill this now is that I have surgery next week and I am terrified since I have never had surgery before. My boyfriend is coming with me but the doctor told me to bring a family member too as I cannot be left alone the first few days I return home. I told my mother and she immediately told me she wouldn't go. I did not even get to say what I was getting surgery for. I handed her the papers which she looked at briefly and then handed back to me. Then she told me how concerned she was with my little brother because he had been so unhappy lately, and I just sat there astonished. Before I leave she asks me to write an sms after surgery next week. I tell her the surgery is 10 day from now, not next week (and let me remind you the date of my surgery was on the paper I handed her). Then she asks me when I will be home from surgery and I say I don't know. Then she asks me why I don't know, if it isn't just a routine operation, and I say no and then we say goodbye and I leave. It is not like my mom treats me like ****. She does not call me names or anything, she just doesn't care about me. This incident really crushed me as I had a tiny hope that she would be there for me when it counted the most, but it turns she wont." Well, my mother DID call me names, but the rest rang true for me. In fact... This reminds me almost exactly of when I had just given birth to my son and was bleeding internally and had a fever of 104 and doctor told me to get myself to the ER right away. My mother was newly divorced and playling Teenager with a younger man and I have no idea why she was the first person I called. I guess I was still very young (24) and I still thought to call Mother during hard times. I learned not too soon enough, but this was before. I told her I was bleeding internally and the doctor said I had to get to ER right away. She lived close to me so I asked if she could please watch the baby while I went to ER with husband. She replied, "I told you, I'm not going to babysit for you ever." I think I begged a little. "No." I called mother-in-law who rushed over right away and never EVER forgot that my own mother would not babysit for her first grandchild, whom she never did see much, when her daughter was as sick as I was. She never stopped bringing it up, it puzzled her so much. Years later I had a mastectomy (fortunately very early stage cancer, but still...) and Mother didn't visit either. This is a very good forum to read. I never post on it, but I do read. You can read about any topic. People write their experiences (which is where Experience Project gets it's name) and trust me you will relate. This helped me heal just like the first thread helped me so much. It made me see that my family was horrible, but that it was also very typical of horrible families. There is a plotline to the way they interact and they are remarkably similar, even with some members refusing to acknowledge the abuse that the writer experienced. [/QUOTE]
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