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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 662943" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Cedar weighs in.</p><p></p><p>To add the physical danger your son's medical situation puts him in to whatever it is that is causing him to explode and bully with such viciousness...I don't know how you can even function at all this morning, Copa. My son is physically healthy and strong. His situation still broke me and broke me. You have been amazing, thus far. You will continue to function with insight and grace and strength.</p><p></p><p>Copa, bless yourself for the hardness of your situation, and for your courage in facing it, head on.</p><p></p><p>Bless yourself for that, Copa.</p><p></p><p><em>And right now</em></p><p><em>I feel like I have fifty</em></p><p><em>broken bones</em></p><p><em>and when I'm still it hurts,</em></p><p><em>and when I move, it hurts even more,</em></p><p><em>no matter what part of me I move,</em></p><p><em>all those broken bones grinding</em></p><p><em>together.</em></p><p><em>Worst of all</em></p><p><em>anyone who tries to comfort me </em></p><p><em>moves those bones</em></p><p><em>hurts me worse.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Jane Howard Samuels</em></p><p><em>Wombmates</em></p><p></p><p>kd lang: Halleluiah</p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]7oZN2eTgvVs[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>For when you think about loving your son, what that means, how that looks and feels:</p><p></p><p><em>The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique and irreplaceable being.</em></p><p></p><p><em>T Robbins</em></p><p><em>The Ascension Factor</em></p><p><em>Herbert</em></p><p></p><p>For when you are weak and tired and confused and uncertain:</p><p></p><p><em>There was a time when you were not a slave, remember that. You walked alone, full of laughter; you bathed bare bellied. You say you have lost all recollection of it; remember. You know how to avoid meeting a bear on the track. You know the winter-fear when you hear the wolves gathering. But you can remain seated for hours in treetops to await morning. You say there are no words to describe this time. You say it does not exist. But remember. Make an effort to remember; or, failing that, invent.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Monique Wittig</em></p><p><em>Les Guerilleres</em></p><p></p><p>And for when you are in pain, Copa:</p><p></p><p><em>Sybil remembered the crucifixions of her past, and by each of them, where she herself hug and screamed and writhed,, she saw the golden halo and the hands of the Fool holding and easing her, and heard his voice murmuring peace.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Charles Williams</em></p><p><em>The Greater Trumps</em></p><p></p><p>For your son, for how to think about what is happening:</p><p></p><p><em>Only God knows why Gavin does what he does, and only God is in a position to pass judgment on him as a person.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Susan Howatch</em></p><p></p><p>For how to see yourself and M coming through this:</p><p></p><p><em>As his family disintegrated around him....</em></p><p></p><p><em>The flares of emotional pain faded to a dull, manageable ache, the surges of anger became soft waves of sorrow, and he was able to turn, for the first time, toward the loss, rather than away from it.</em></p><p></p><p><em>And then, finally, to move on marked by loss, but not defined by it.</em></p><p></p><p><em>The Prophet</em></p><p><em>Michael Koryta</em></p><p></p><p>And for how to do this, day by day:</p><p></p><p><em>Practice detachment and </em></p><p><em>protect yourself.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Jabberwocky</em></p><p><em>Conduct Disorders</em></p><p></p><p>I am watching Oprah Super Soul Sunday, today. Here is my newest quote:</p><p></p><p><em>Let me win. But if I cannot win, let me be brave.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Timothy Shriver</em></p><p></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>The answer to the first question: You will help him do whatever he allows. The issue is not whether you are willing, Copa. It is what your son will accept or allow. (I am stuck in italics again. Sorry, Copa.) Your son resents your help, I think Copa. Do you think he could be angry and ashamed at the man he has become ~ to have you see and know that? </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>That is a huge piece, with our son.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Huge.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>We don't get to know for sure what motivates our sons especially, Copa. So, we may choose to believe their rage is come of disappointment in themselves, and that the more we help, the less they feel like men.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>So, if that is the truth in your son's heart, if you see it that way...then you will know how much to help.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Very little, Copa. A man is not a man, who cannot respect himself. It makes sense to me that this is at the heart of the hatred my son feels for me. He was such a lovely young boy, Copa. He brought me the most incredible gifts, the most thoughtful, unique things. Rare things, Copa, and precious and fragile things.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Now, he swears at me, hates me openly if I allow it.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I am his mother. I see his heart.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I set him on his feet and let him go.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>***</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I think Copa, how to be a man. That is what he wants to be; that is what he is. What is there you can be proud of him for? Tell him that. What is there you refuse, as his mother who merits respect, to accept? </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Tell him that. Straight on, Copa.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Speak to him as the man he is.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Speak to the hero, and to the strength, inside him.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Then, remember Jabber's advice: Practice detachment and protect yourself.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I am stuck in italics, again, Copa.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Cedar</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 662943, member: 17461"] Cedar weighs in. To add the physical danger your son's medical situation puts him in to whatever it is that is causing him to explode and bully with such viciousness...I don't know how you can even function at all this morning, Copa. My son is physically healthy and strong. His situation still broke me and broke me. You have been amazing, thus far. You will continue to function with insight and grace and strength. Copa, bless yourself for the hardness of your situation, and for your courage in facing it, head on. Bless yourself for that, Copa. [I]And right now I feel like I have fifty broken bones and when I'm still it hurts, and when I move, it hurts even more, no matter what part of me I move, all those broken bones grinding together. Worst of all anyone who tries to comfort me moves those bones hurts me worse.[/I] [I]Jane Howard Samuels Wombmates[/I] kd lang: Halleluiah [MEDIA=youtube]7oZN2eTgvVs[/MEDIA] For when you think about loving your son, what that means, how that looks and feels: [I]The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique and irreplaceable being.[/I] [I]T Robbins The Ascension Factor Herbert[/I] For when you are weak and tired and confused and uncertain: [I]There was a time when you were not a slave, remember that. You walked alone, full of laughter; you bathed bare bellied. You say you have lost all recollection of it; remember. You know how to avoid meeting a bear on the track. You know the winter-fear when you hear the wolves gathering. But you can remain seated for hours in treetops to await morning. You say there are no words to describe this time. You say it does not exist. But remember. Make an effort to remember; or, failing that, invent.[/I] [I]Monique Wittig Les Guerilleres[/I] And for when you are in pain, Copa: [I]Sybil remembered the crucifixions of her past, and by each of them, where she herself hug and screamed and writhed,, she saw the golden halo and the hands of the Fool holding and easing her, and heard his voice murmuring peace.[/I] [I]Charles Williams The Greater Trumps[/I] For your son, for how to think about what is happening: [I]Only God knows why Gavin does what he does, and only God is in a position to pass judgment on him as a person.[/I] [I]Susan Howatch[/I] For how to see yourself and M coming through this: [I]As his family disintegrated around him....[/I] [I]The flares of emotional pain faded to a dull, manageable ache, the surges of anger became soft waves of sorrow, and he was able to turn, for the first time, toward the loss, rather than away from it.[/I] [I]And then, finally, to move on marked by loss, but not defined by it.[/I] [I]The Prophet Michael Koryta[/I] And for how to do this, day by day: [I]Practice detachment and protect yourself.[/I] [I]Jabberwocky Conduct Disorders[/I] I am watching Oprah Super Soul Sunday, today. Here is my newest quote: [I]Let me win. But if I cannot win, let me be brave.[/I] [I]Timothy Shriver[/I] [I] The answer to the first question: You will help him do whatever he allows. The issue is not whether you are willing, Copa. It is what your son will accept or allow. (I am stuck in italics again. Sorry, Copa.) Your son resents your help, I think Copa. Do you think he could be angry and ashamed at the man he has become ~ to have you see and know that? That is a huge piece, with our son. Huge. We don't get to know for sure what motivates our sons especially, Copa. So, we may choose to believe their rage is come of disappointment in themselves, and that the more we help, the less they feel like men. So, if that is the truth in your son's heart, if you see it that way...then you will know how much to help. Very little, Copa. A man is not a man, who cannot respect himself. It makes sense to me that this is at the heart of the hatred my son feels for me. He was such a lovely young boy, Copa. He brought me the most incredible gifts, the most thoughtful, unique things. Rare things, Copa, and precious and fragile things. Now, he swears at me, hates me openly if I allow it. I am his mother. I see his heart. I set him on his feet and let him go. *** I think Copa, how to be a man. That is what he wants to be; that is what he is. What is there you can be proud of him for? Tell him that. What is there you refuse, as his mother who merits respect, to accept? Tell him that. Straight on, Copa. Speak to him as the man he is. Speak to the hero, and to the strength, inside him. Then, remember Jabber's advice: Practice detachment and protect yourself. I am stuck in italics, again, Copa. Cedar [/I] [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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