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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 663064" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Great post, SWOT. Copa, it was true for me too that when I reviewed my daughter's childhood ~ night terrors, just the strangest darn things that she would do ~ I was able to let go of thought processes that were not helpful to any of us in coming to terms with what our situations really were. I learned that is there is something specific we need to apologize for or some current behavior we can change, that is one thing and is a good thing to do. But Copa, if we honestly assess the real difficulties and challenges our kids cope with every day instead of beating ourselves up for the quality of our mothering, then we can actually be of some value, to ourselves and to our kids, too. My daughter would try to talk to me about what it was like for her Copa. I didn't want her to be sick. Sick is so horrible a thing to be. I wanted it to be something temporary ~ something I could fix by being a better mom or finding the right doctor.</p><p></p><p>Daughter has an illness, Copa. It was disrespectful to her to behave as though it were nothing. <em>If we discount the illness and its symptoms, we are putting full responsibility on our children in a way that implies that if they were stronger, they would be better.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>When daughter discusses her illness with me now, she tells me that it is strengthening to her to know that I "get it" that she is suffering. That I "get it" that she does hurtful things to herself and to me but that she would not have chosen those things in a different mindset.</p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Mostly, daughter has been able to share her own fear and confusion regarding how this happens and how to stop it or to be aware of it when it begins.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>I have Book Club tonight. I wish I could take more time to respond, Copa. I know how hard it is to believe what we need to believe.</p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Cedar</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em> </em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 663064, member: 17461"] Great post, SWOT. Copa, it was true for me too that when I reviewed my daughter's childhood ~ night terrors, just the strangest darn things that she would do ~ I was able to let go of thought processes that were not helpful to any of us in coming to terms with what our situations really were. I learned that is there is something specific we need to apologize for or some current behavior we can change, that is one thing and is a good thing to do. But Copa, if we honestly assess the real difficulties and challenges our kids cope with every day instead of beating ourselves up for the quality of our mothering, then we can actually be of some value, to ourselves and to our kids, too. My daughter would try to talk to me about what it was like for her Copa. I didn't want her to be sick. Sick is so horrible a thing to be. I wanted it to be something temporary ~ something I could fix by being a better mom or finding the right doctor. Daughter has an illness, Copa. It was disrespectful to her to behave as though it were nothing. [I]If we discount the illness and its symptoms, we are putting full responsibility on our children in a way that implies that if they were stronger, they would be better. [/I] When daughter discusses her illness with me now, she tells me that it is strengthening to her to know that I "get it" that she is suffering. That I "get it" that she does hurtful things to herself and to me but that she would not have chosen those things in a different mindset. [I] Mostly, daughter has been able to share her own fear and confusion regarding how this happens and how to stop it or to be aware of it when it begins. [/I] I have Book Club tonight. I wish I could take more time to respond, Copa. I know how hard it is to believe what we need to believe. [I] Cedar [/I] [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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