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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 663919" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Do you hear the Child?</p><p></p><p>Truly, we are not supposed to be expected to heal if we are not safe from the issues and pressures involved in man/woman relationships.</p><p></p><p>Sexual anything should not be happening <em>to the therapist.</em> We are not only freed from responsibility for these kinds of happenings in our therapies, but we are responsible to listen to whatever feelings arise as the heart and core of our therapies. </p><p></p><p>I cannot believe how differently I feel about this therapist.</p><p></p><p>Copa, I wish the same for you. It feels like a ship, something massive and unwieldy and beautiful that has somehow come to rest backward at its moorings has now headed again for port, and is easing correctly into place.</p><p></p><p>Have you heard the sound a ship makes as it comes into port, Copa and Serenity?</p><p></p><p>It's a beautiful sound.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>How could it be Copa, that we choose the same word ~ responsibility ~ to describe things having to do with our mothers? This is a filter </p><p>D H seems not to have. </p><p></p><p>Why do we have that filter, Copa?</p><p></p><p>Serenity, if you are willing? As you chose to continue to establish relationship with your mother before her passing...was a sense of responsibility to the mother's emotional state a factor, maybe even the driving force, in your having committed to being certain she knew <em>you</em> loved <em>her</em>, whatever her feelings and no matter the number of rejections?</p><p></p><p>Were the feelings of purpose and focus similar to what Copa and I were describing for our mothers?</p><p></p><p>I don't mean to be insensitive, Serenity. Please forgive me if I am pushing too far.</p><p></p><p>I do think we have something important here with that sense of responsibility. Where did it come from? Why is it so strong and how is it that it is so different a thing than the way people who were not abused by their mothers feel about their moms?</p><p></p><p>Could it be the difference between the way a man sees his mother and the way woman sees her mother...or is this an artifact of abuse? </p><p></p><p>Copa, your description of feeling "automaton" is the way I felt when my mother would stay with us during the Winter. I think I may have felt guilty for that feeling because of course, I am <em>supposed</em> (responsibility, again?) to love my mother and experience joy. And I do, a little bit...but mostly, I am very guarded around my mom.</p><p></p><p>Like, Copa...an automaton. </p><p></p><p>Is that how we lived as children? Was that our emotional reality? <em>Is that the taste of how we were raised?!? That automaton feeling?</em></p><p></p><p>Oh, when I think of the loss, there!</p><p></p><p>What age did that begin.</p><p></p><p>In a way we are fortunate to know this. I just keep stumbling into the most unbelievable understandings. What in the world was the matter with these women who raised us. Oh! When I think what it cost us to live in that automaton state; to have grown up without access to our emotions <em>and of course that is exactly what we had to do.</em></p><p></p><p><em>***</em></p><p></p><p>You know, I was thinking about my mom's Winter visits. I am forever blaming D H for being rude to my mother. I posted about that once, and that I made D H leave once, after my mother left and I could finally tear into him about the way he had behaved during my mother's visit. <em>But I never once thought to say a peep, let alone confront, my mother with her behaviors during her visit.</em></p><p></p><p>I was so angry with D H because it was my...responsibility, to see that my mother had a wonderful time <em>so she would know she was cherished.</em></p><p></p><p>But I felt like an automaton. I brought my mother everywhere I went and I stayed silent and I smiled and my mother was the one who mattered. <em>And I felt that this was appropriate, that this was find, that my mother was happy, and that she felt pretty and attractive.</em></p><p></p><p>I did not feel so attractive at all, now that I think about it.</p><p></p><p>I think I felt like, swollen. Stretched grin; fixed smile. Time passing, and silence, at the core of me.</p><p></p><p>Just as an aside? The Tai Chi instructor read my irises? And could name that I'd been abused as a child.</p><p></p><p>Interestingly enough, his behavior toward me changed drastically after that reading. </p><p></p><p>So it must not show.</p><p></p><p>The brokenness, I mean.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 663919, member: 17461"] Do you hear the Child? Truly, we are not supposed to be expected to heal if we are not safe from the issues and pressures involved in man/woman relationships. Sexual anything should not be happening [I]to the therapist.[/I] We are not only freed from responsibility for these kinds of happenings in our therapies, but we are responsible to listen to whatever feelings arise as the heart and core of our therapies. I cannot believe how differently I feel about this therapist. Copa, I wish the same for you. It feels like a ship, something massive and unwieldy and beautiful that has somehow come to rest backward at its moorings has now headed again for port, and is easing correctly into place. Have you heard the sound a ship makes as it comes into port, Copa and Serenity? It's a beautiful sound. How could it be Copa, that we choose the same word ~ responsibility ~ to describe things having to do with our mothers? This is a filter D H seems not to have. Why do we have that filter, Copa? Serenity, if you are willing? As you chose to continue to establish relationship with your mother before her passing...was a sense of responsibility to the mother's emotional state a factor, maybe even the driving force, in your having committed to being certain she knew [I]you[/I] loved [I]her[/I], whatever her feelings and no matter the number of rejections? Were the feelings of purpose and focus similar to what Copa and I were describing for our mothers? I don't mean to be insensitive, Serenity. Please forgive me if I am pushing too far. I do think we have something important here with that sense of responsibility. Where did it come from? Why is it so strong and how is it that it is so different a thing than the way people who were not abused by their mothers feel about their moms? Could it be the difference between the way a man sees his mother and the way woman sees her mother...or is this an artifact of abuse? Copa, your description of feeling "automaton" is the way I felt when my mother would stay with us during the Winter. I think I may have felt guilty for that feeling because of course, I am [I]supposed[/I] (responsibility, again?) to love my mother and experience joy. And I do, a little bit...but mostly, I am very guarded around my mom. Like, Copa...an automaton. Is that how we lived as children? Was that our emotional reality? [I]Is that the taste of how we were raised?!? That automaton feeling?[/I] Oh, when I think of the loss, there! What age did that begin. In a way we are fortunate to know this. I just keep stumbling into the most unbelievable understandings. What in the world was the matter with these women who raised us. Oh! When I think what it cost us to live in that automaton state; to have grown up without access to our emotions [I]and of course that is exactly what we had to do.[/I] [I]***[/I] You know, I was thinking about my mom's Winter visits. I am forever blaming D H for being rude to my mother. I posted about that once, and that I made D H leave once, after my mother left and I could finally tear into him about the way he had behaved during my mother's visit. [I]But I never once thought to say a peep, let alone confront, my mother with her behaviors during her visit.[/I] I was so angry with D H because it was my...responsibility, to see that my mother had a wonderful time [I]so she would know she was cherished.[/I] But I felt like an automaton. I brought my mother everywhere I went and I stayed silent and I smiled and my mother was the one who mattered. [I]And I felt that this was appropriate, that this was find, that my mother was happy, and that she felt pretty and attractive.[/I] I did not feel so attractive at all, now that I think about it. I think I felt like, swollen. Stretched grin; fixed smile. Time passing, and silence, at the core of me. Just as an aside? The Tai Chi instructor read my irises? And could name that I'd been abused as a child. Interestingly enough, his behavior toward me changed drastically after that reading. So it must not show. The brokenness, I mean. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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