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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 661613" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>In the past when I tried to explain things to my son, he would cry out something like, Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I already feel bad? Why do you have to always rub it it?</p><p>Yes. That is what I am going through now.</p><p>That is the hypothesis we are considering. The only problem is this: What are they trying to do about it? The ball is in their court.</p><p></p><p>My son will not go to therapy. He will not take psychiatric medications. He is not open to religion. He will not go to college. He will not work. He will not go to AA or NA.</p><p></p><p>I will qualify that. He is now in a residential treatment program. For that I am grateful.</p><p></p><p>The thing is Lil, we are trying to find a way to understand that hurts us less and gives us hope. To believe our children have personalitys that are amoral is too much to bear. To believe they are disordered fundamentally in their stance towards the world hurts us too much to bear.</p><p></p><p>The psychiatrist I talk to wants me to accept that my son is likely intrinsically disordered. He believes that I am resisting this, still, but must to achieve some peace of mind. I don't know what I think. How can he know? I ask. He has never met him.</p><p></p><p>At the end of the day it is up to our sons to confront themselves and to resolve their issues. Or not. We can no longer do it. If they are rendered as if paralyzed by excessive guilt or not, we are left in the same hurting space. Perhaps with more hope.</p><p></p><p>Except this is the problem: Regardless of what our hypotheses are with respect to our sons, our thinking about them makes no difference. It changes not one thing for our sons. The only thinking on our part that has any chance of making a difference is accepting that the solution for them is out of our hands.</p><p></p><p>We are left in the same nasty place, as long as they do not help themselves in some way, even meeting us half way. Regardless of what we think about it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 661613, member: 18958"] In the past when I tried to explain things to my son, he would cry out something like, Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I already feel bad? Why do you have to always rub it it? Yes. That is what I am going through now. That is the hypothesis we are considering. The only problem is this: What are they trying to do about it? The ball is in their court. My son will not go to therapy. He will not take psychiatric medications. He is not open to religion. He will not go to college. He will not work. He will not go to AA or NA. I will qualify that. He is now in a residential treatment program. For that I am grateful. The thing is Lil, we are trying to find a way to understand that hurts us less and gives us hope. To believe our children have personalitys that are amoral is too much to bear. To believe they are disordered fundamentally in their stance towards the world hurts us too much to bear. The psychiatrist I talk to wants me to accept that my son is likely intrinsically disordered. He believes that I am resisting this, still, but must to achieve some peace of mind. I don't know what I think. How can he know? I ask. He has never met him. At the end of the day it is up to our sons to confront themselves and to resolve their issues. Or not. We can no longer do it. If they are rendered as if paralyzed by excessive guilt or not, we are left in the same hurting space. Perhaps with more hope. Except this is the problem: Regardless of what our hypotheses are with respect to our sons, our thinking about them makes no difference. It changes not one thing for our sons. The only thinking on our part that has any chance of making a difference is accepting that the solution for them is out of our hands. We are left in the same nasty place, as long as they do not help themselves in some way, even meeting us half way. Regardless of what we think about it. [/QUOTE]
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