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Fearing the worst
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 647460" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Your instincts say he is using. Trust them and NOT whatever he says. He will tell you the pen is old, and someone else's. He took it from them so they would not be able to use because he is that good now. Don't buy it because it is a LIE. It is his. He is using. I would likely not do the drug test because he could be using something that won't show up on it.</p><p></p><p>Your suspicions ARE enough. the pen is proof, and you don't need more. Please say what MWM suggested. Give him a list of shelters in your area if he won't go to rehab. Take away his vehicle if at ALL possible. He is a menace to himself and others if he is using drugs and he is driving. If he won't go to rehab, and he leaves, make sure you notify his PO. Not only is it probably your legal duty (at least here it would be), he is likely safer in jail for a probation violation than out on the street doing drugs and who knows what else. Going back to jail and knowing that you turned him in to his PO could be bottom, esp if you refuse to bail him out this time or any other time from this point forward. </p><p></p><p>He will threaten to hate you, to never speak to you again, and all manner of other hateful things. This is addiction speaking and not your son. Addiction hasn't ever said anything nice to anyone with-o an ulterior motive, so ignore addiction when it speaks. After he is clean, truly clean and on the path to recovery, he will speak to you and won't hate you. I have seen it many times, including with my own brother. </p><p></p><p>You can find episodes of Dr. Phil and of Intervention on youtube if they will help you see that keeping him at home is the wrong thing to do. Just search for "Dr Phil full episode" and look for titles about addiction or for "Intervention full episode". Listen to what they tell the parents on these shows. You will see situations like your own and hopefully it will strengthen your resolve to insist on rehab and/or leaving your home.</p><p></p><p>Please go to alanon or families anonymous or another group for parents/families of the addicted. It will not only give you support and improve YOUR mental/emotional health, it actually increases your son's chances of achieving and maintaining sobriety. Of course it make him sober make him stay sober, but it teaches you how to not be codependent and how to best support his recovery. I have seen several sources that say it improves an addict's chances of sobriety and recovery by 30%. If your son was in school and his grades could be improved by 30% if you went to a class for an hour every few days, you would do it. Especially if it was a really important but difficult class. You could raise his grade from an F (50%) to a B (80%) by spending that time in class. Isn't recovery FAR more important than any class he took in school? isn't that a HUGE improvement in his odds of recovery? If you won't go to a family support group because it will benefit yourself, go for him. It really will help the entire family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 647460, member: 1233"] Your instincts say he is using. Trust them and NOT whatever he says. He will tell you the pen is old, and someone else's. He took it from them so they would not be able to use because he is that good now. Don't buy it because it is a LIE. It is his. He is using. I would likely not do the drug test because he could be using something that won't show up on it. Your suspicions ARE enough. the pen is proof, and you don't need more. Please say what MWM suggested. Give him a list of shelters in your area if he won't go to rehab. Take away his vehicle if at ALL possible. He is a menace to himself and others if he is using drugs and he is driving. If he won't go to rehab, and he leaves, make sure you notify his PO. Not only is it probably your legal duty (at least here it would be), he is likely safer in jail for a probation violation than out on the street doing drugs and who knows what else. Going back to jail and knowing that you turned him in to his PO could be bottom, esp if you refuse to bail him out this time or any other time from this point forward. He will threaten to hate you, to never speak to you again, and all manner of other hateful things. This is addiction speaking and not your son. Addiction hasn't ever said anything nice to anyone with-o an ulterior motive, so ignore addiction when it speaks. After he is clean, truly clean and on the path to recovery, he will speak to you and won't hate you. I have seen it many times, including with my own brother. You can find episodes of Dr. Phil and of Intervention on youtube if they will help you see that keeping him at home is the wrong thing to do. Just search for "Dr Phil full episode" and look for titles about addiction or for "Intervention full episode". Listen to what they tell the parents on these shows. You will see situations like your own and hopefully it will strengthen your resolve to insist on rehab and/or leaving your home. Please go to alanon or families anonymous or another group for parents/families of the addicted. It will not only give you support and improve YOUR mental/emotional health, it actually increases your son's chances of achieving and maintaining sobriety. Of course it make him sober make him stay sober, but it teaches you how to not be codependent and how to best support his recovery. I have seen several sources that say it improves an addict's chances of sobriety and recovery by 30%. If your son was in school and his grades could be improved by 30% if you went to a class for an hour every few days, you would do it. Especially if it was a really important but difficult class. You could raise his grade from an F (50%) to a B (80%) by spending that time in class. Isn't recovery FAR more important than any class he took in school? isn't that a HUGE improvement in his odds of recovery? If you won't go to a family support group because it will benefit yourself, go for him. It really will help the entire family. [/QUOTE]
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