Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Failure to Thrive
Fed up and guilt ridden
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 747458" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Fedupmom: Any mother would feel as you do in the situation you find yourself.</p><p></p><p>This has been going on a long time, that he has avoided taking responsibility for himself and depended upon you: </p><p></p><p></p><p>The pattern seems to be that he blames you:</p><p></p><p></p><p>And then when he blames you, you blame yourself:</p><p></p><p>It seems that this time it is even worse because you have decided that you have needs: the need to not be the butt of his frustration and moods; to not have to continue to raise a 33 year old man; the need to not be financially responsible for him; to not have to pick up the slack when he's out of money a day after he's paid.</p><p></p><p>It seems that you are not only used by him, and his target, you go after yourself too, if you stand up for yourself and seek to make your life better, and to get a little respite.</p><p></p><p>Your son works. He gets jobs. He gets girlfriends. He has a mother who loves him. These are all huge pluses. Not everybody has these assets and advantages. What your son does not seem to have is the incentive to get treatment, whether a 12 step group or a psychiatrist, to learn how to budget, to stop using drugs or doing some other self-destructive thing with his money. How else could he have none left after 24 hours being paid?</p><p></p><p>The only incentive he has for learning self-care, and meeting responsibilities, is to suffer a little bit. It is not that we want them to suffer. But there is no incentive to change, if everything is taken care of and done for you. Your way has not worked, the Mom way, where we pick up the slack and say yes, yes, yes, to all things.</p><p></p><p>For mentally ill people there are all kinds of services available, to those with the motivation and the incentive to seek them out. By your actions now, you are helping your son to accept responsibility for his own life, and to live it well, if he chooses. Whether or not he chooses well, is completely out of your hands.</p><p></p><p>Welcome. You will find a great deal of support here. We all of us understand. This is hard, but not impossible. We are learning, too, how to stand on our two feet. It's time to let your son stand on his two feet, too. He may not like it, but he must.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 747458, member: 18958"] Dear Fedupmom: Any mother would feel as you do in the situation you find yourself. This has been going on a long time, that he has avoided taking responsibility for himself and depended upon you: The pattern seems to be that he blames you: And then when he blames you, you blame yourself: It seems that this time it is even worse because you have decided that you have needs: the need to not be the butt of his frustration and moods; to not have to continue to raise a 33 year old man; the need to not be financially responsible for him; to not have to pick up the slack when he's out of money a day after he's paid. It seems that you are not only used by him, and his target, you go after yourself too, if you stand up for yourself and seek to make your life better, and to get a little respite. Your son works. He gets jobs. He gets girlfriends. He has a mother who loves him. These are all huge pluses. Not everybody has these assets and advantages. What your son does not seem to have is the incentive to get treatment, whether a 12 step group or a psychiatrist, to learn how to budget, to stop using drugs or doing some other self-destructive thing with his money. How else could he have none left after 24 hours being paid? The only incentive he has for learning self-care, and meeting responsibilities, is to suffer a little bit. It is not that we want them to suffer. But there is no incentive to change, if everything is taken care of and done for you. Your way has not worked, the Mom way, where we pick up the slack and say yes, yes, yes, to all things. For mentally ill people there are all kinds of services available, to those with the motivation and the incentive to seek them out. By your actions now, you are helping your son to accept responsibility for his own life, and to live it well, if he chooses. Whether or not he chooses well, is completely out of your hands. Welcome. You will find a great deal of support here. We all of us understand. This is hard, but not impossible. We are learning, too, how to stand on our two feet. It's time to let your son stand on his two feet, too. He may not like it, but he must. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Failure to Thrive
Fed up and guilt ridden
Top