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Parent Emeritus
Feel Guilty for kicking out 22 y/o Son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 624112" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm so sorry for your hurting mommy heart. Sadly, it seems pretty obvious your son is dangerous when he drinks and is an alcoholic. He isn't just going out and having fun. He is getting intoxicated and into trouble while drunk. And it is all the time. It is not his girlfriend's fault or anyone's fault and the only one who can make him stop is himself. If an adult child shows dangerous or threatening behavior, it is appropriate to ask that adult child to leave until he is sober and, at his age, probably if he is sober he will get his act together and want to get his own place. Most adults his age want independence.. Your son will be very dangerous if he becomes a cop with his level of alcohol intoxication. I hope he is tested before they hand him a gun.He needs to recover before he can save anyone else...he has to save himself first.</p><p></p><p>Your daughters, not being his mother, can see him more realistically. They seemed to think it was appropriate to make him leave. I think you should try to focus more on those loved ones in your life who are not in trouble and less on your son, whom you can not help. Only he can help himself. It is pointless and hurting to yourself and your other loved ones to let him suck all the energy out of your world. Does he use illegal drugs as well? Has he ever been to a rehab? To an AA meeting?</p><p></p><p>Finally, I can strongly suggest trying to go to an Al=Anon meeting with your SO and daughters, if they like. I think those meetings are lifesavers and set us on the right track and mindset. If you decide you don't like the meetings, I still recommend a therapist, privately, because this is hard to do alone. It is also hard at first not to enable our grown children in their destructive paths, but that doesn't help them and it harms us.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you have had to walk this path, and hope your son sees the light soon. But I also hope you learn how to let go of his problems a bit and start enjoying the other aspects of your life. Your son is NOT you. No matter who he blames, he is the one behaving this way. You need to stay healthy and happy for your own peace of mind and to be there and in good shape for your other loved ones who treat you right and are thriving. Just focusing on this one child will destroy you.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and wishing you well. We are always here, 24/7, if you need to post.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 624112, member: 1550"] I'm so sorry for your hurting mommy heart. Sadly, it seems pretty obvious your son is dangerous when he drinks and is an alcoholic. He isn't just going out and having fun. He is getting intoxicated and into trouble while drunk. And it is all the time. It is not his girlfriend's fault or anyone's fault and the only one who can make him stop is himself. If an adult child shows dangerous or threatening behavior, it is appropriate to ask that adult child to leave until he is sober and, at his age, probably if he is sober he will get his act together and want to get his own place. Most adults his age want independence.. Your son will be very dangerous if he becomes a cop with his level of alcohol intoxication. I hope he is tested before they hand him a gun.He needs to recover before he can save anyone else...he has to save himself first. Your daughters, not being his mother, can see him more realistically. They seemed to think it was appropriate to make him leave. I think you should try to focus more on those loved ones in your life who are not in trouble and less on your son, whom you can not help. Only he can help himself. It is pointless and hurting to yourself and your other loved ones to let him suck all the energy out of your world. Does he use illegal drugs as well? Has he ever been to a rehab? To an AA meeting? Finally, I can strongly suggest trying to go to an Al=Anon meeting with your SO and daughters, if they like. I think those meetings are lifesavers and set us on the right track and mindset. If you decide you don't like the meetings, I still recommend a therapist, privately, because this is hard to do alone. It is also hard at first not to enable our grown children in their destructive paths, but that doesn't help them and it harms us. I am sorry you have had to walk this path, and hope your son sees the light soon. But I also hope you learn how to let go of his problems a bit and start enjoying the other aspects of your life. Your son is NOT you. No matter who he blames, he is the one behaving this way. You need to stay healthy and happy for your own peace of mind and to be there and in good shape for your other loved ones who treat you right and are thriving. Just focusing on this one child will destroy you. Hugs and wishing you well. We are always here, 24/7, if you need to post. [/QUOTE]
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Feel Guilty for kicking out 22 y/o Son
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