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Feel like I am losing my family
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 592809" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I can hear how much this is hurting you and I'm sorry it is. I agree with Witz, these are difficult situations and everyone handles them in the way they can live with. I had to make choices in my family too, some siblings and I have no relationship at all and there were times I did not speak to my mother for a long time. I tried to resolve these relationships and in some cases I could, in others it meant I had to walk away. It's painful and leaves a hurt in your heart, but allowing certain behaviors is unacceptable and sometimes unforgivable, no matter who the person is. We all come to the table with our own 'stuff' which often we are not aware of and that is where the problems surface, particularly in family, those you are most vulnerable with.</p><p></p><p>As time goes by, you may need to distance yourself more from your mother, father and daughter. They seem to have colluded against you; collusion is a favored position in dysfunctional families, someone becomes the scapegoat, it seems that would be you. All of the toxicity is pointed at one person so the family system can continue unchanged. If I were in your shoes, I think I would seek counseling to help me to not engage with the toxic behaviors and find a way to not allow that energy to impact me. That is one hard nut, I know, but the family system seems broken already and with you as the only one who sees that, and no one else invested in the truth, you will remain the scapegoat. It may be the best possible scenario for you to move across the country.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry, I really understand how much this hurts you and makes you angry too. Take some time for yourself, do kind things for YOU. This doesn't sound like a healthy situation, it may be best for you to disconnect, at least for awhile. Take care of yourself. Be around those who love you...............hugs.......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 592809, member: 13542"] I can hear how much this is hurting you and I'm sorry it is. I agree with Witz, these are difficult situations and everyone handles them in the way they can live with. I had to make choices in my family too, some siblings and I have no relationship at all and there were times I did not speak to my mother for a long time. I tried to resolve these relationships and in some cases I could, in others it meant I had to walk away. It's painful and leaves a hurt in your heart, but allowing certain behaviors is unacceptable and sometimes unforgivable, no matter who the person is. We all come to the table with our own 'stuff' which often we are not aware of and that is where the problems surface, particularly in family, those you are most vulnerable with. As time goes by, you may need to distance yourself more from your mother, father and daughter. They seem to have colluded against you; collusion is a favored position in dysfunctional families, someone becomes the scapegoat, it seems that would be you. All of the toxicity is pointed at one person so the family system can continue unchanged. If I were in your shoes, I think I would seek counseling to help me to not engage with the toxic behaviors and find a way to not allow that energy to impact me. That is one hard nut, I know, but the family system seems broken already and with you as the only one who sees that, and no one else invested in the truth, you will remain the scapegoat. It may be the best possible scenario for you to move across the country. I am sorry, I really understand how much this hurts you and makes you angry too. Take some time for yourself, do kind things for YOU. This doesn't sound like a healthy situation, it may be best for you to disconnect, at least for awhile. Take care of yourself. Be around those who love you...............hugs....... [/QUOTE]
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