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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 254398"><p>I am so sorry.</p><p>The way I see it...there are two parts to this. One is that your son is deeply troubled by your diagnosis and frightened. By speaking to you about it, it becomes more real and more frightening.</p><p>However, at a certain point in time, he should be able to come to grips with that. Additionally, it is too bad that he doesn't have someone in his life to help him cope better. Perhaps his father or girlfriend would say to him "Have you called your mother to see how she is feeling?"</p><p>Anyway, I think after a certain period of time, given his age, it is fair for you to feel disappointed that he has not called.</p><p>A couple of thoughts...</p><p>Especially if you take into consideration the seriousness of your illness, it is not a good idea for you to get emotionally upset about this. It's not a good idea on a number of levels. For one thing, our difficult children tend to have oppositional tendencies and the more upset you are the more they are likely to behave inappropriately in the future. And, why live in a constant state of turmoil? It is not good for your health.</p><p>So, it might be best for you to say to yourself that your son is not acting appropriately. If he calls and you can muster the strength and say this with-o emotion...you might say "I am so happy that you called. Did you mean to call earlier?" Absolutely don't argue and don't be mad. Perhaps subtly let him know that you would have preferred an earlier call...but also genuinely let him know that you are very happy to hear from him. </p><p>If you are friendly with- your ex or his girlfriend, or someone who has a positive influence on your son, you could ask them to encourage him to think about these things in the future...but I would keep it brief and not discuss it more than once. AND I wouldn't expect much. </p><p> </p><p>In the mean time...enjoy life as best as you are able. Who nurtures you? Do you have close friends? Go see a movie. Go out to breakfast. What do you like to do? Go do it.</p><p>It will be good for your health. And your difficult child will see that life moves on even if he choses to behave in immature ways. You have the guts to tell him "whats what" but you also have the self esteem to live your life to the fullest. Too often I think our kids think that the world revoles around them because in a certain way it does for us moms. They need to know that that isn't necessarily so. Sure, as a mom, our kids are special to us. But that even us moms have our limits and we wont be doormats. And when these "kids" become adults...it really isn't appropriate....</p><p>Sure it hurts...I understand. My heart goes out to you. But especially since you are dealing with a very difficult health condition...I would like to encourage you to enjoy life to the fullest as soon as possible.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 254398"] I am so sorry. The way I see it...there are two parts to this. One is that your son is deeply troubled by your diagnosis and frightened. By speaking to you about it, it becomes more real and more frightening. However, at a certain point in time, he should be able to come to grips with that. Additionally, it is too bad that he doesn't have someone in his life to help him cope better. Perhaps his father or girlfriend would say to him "Have you called your mother to see how she is feeling?" Anyway, I think after a certain period of time, given his age, it is fair for you to feel disappointed that he has not called. A couple of thoughts... Especially if you take into consideration the seriousness of your illness, it is not a good idea for you to get emotionally upset about this. It's not a good idea on a number of levels. For one thing, our difficult children tend to have oppositional tendencies and the more upset you are the more they are likely to behave inappropriately in the future. And, why live in a constant state of turmoil? It is not good for your health. So, it might be best for you to say to yourself that your son is not acting appropriately. If he calls and you can muster the strength and say this with-o emotion...you might say "I am so happy that you called. Did you mean to call earlier?" Absolutely don't argue and don't be mad. Perhaps subtly let him know that you would have preferred an earlier call...but also genuinely let him know that you are very happy to hear from him. If you are friendly with- your ex or his girlfriend, or someone who has a positive influence on your son, you could ask them to encourage him to think about these things in the future...but I would keep it brief and not discuss it more than once. AND I wouldn't expect much. In the mean time...enjoy life as best as you are able. Who nurtures you? Do you have close friends? Go see a movie. Go out to breakfast. What do you like to do? Go do it. It will be good for your health. And your difficult child will see that life moves on even if he choses to behave in immature ways. You have the guts to tell him "whats what" but you also have the self esteem to live your life to the fullest. Too often I think our kids think that the world revoles around them because in a certain way it does for us moms. They need to know that that isn't necessarily so. Sure, as a mom, our kids are special to us. But that even us moms have our limits and we wont be doormats. And when these "kids" become adults...it really isn't appropriate.... Sure it hurts...I understand. My heart goes out to you. But especially since you are dealing with a very difficult health condition...I would like to encourage you to enjoy life to the fullest as soon as possible. [/QUOTE]
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