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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 362004" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>TM, I understand the "nothing" that you feel. I think years of growing a callus around yourself to prevent anger, fear and especially disappointment worked. You will continue to do the dutiful daughter thing because you don't want to be the woman she was. You don't want to be so self absorbed that you ignore what everyone else needs. It has been your goal to be the best mother you can be and you see your baby moving forward and her need for you is different. It's all about beginnings and endings. </p><p></p><p>I found that as time went on, I could lift the callus a bit and appreciate my dad but I had 3 yrs of him in our home.i got there after he passed away. I did not ever have the level of grief one would expect to have when a parent dies. I did have some sadness and a lot of soul searching about what it means to be a good parent. I got to resolve a lot of my disappointment which was good. </p><p>I suspect it will be different with my mom because the level of emotional entanglement is different with mother's. She was a hard working, good woman but she didn't protect me because it was all about her emotions, needs and stuff and not about her kids. It was always about fluff and superficial and not about the real truth. She did the best she could with the ability she had. I will try to honor her the best I can with the emotions I feel.</p><p></p><p>Don't be tough on yourself. Duckie will need you in a different way. A successful parent has a child who doesn't need you but wants to spend time with you as an adult. Who has a life that is separate, healthy and good and doesn't need to have someone supervising constantly. I seldom read my boys facebook pages. I don't inquire about their activities except as a curiosity. I don't feel I need to police them anymore. It feels good and successful to me as a parent. Hopefully all those bonds will keep them in touch with us if not they have to walk their own path. </p><p></p><p>Feeling poorly makes everything seem awful. I hope you can get some better health soon. You are upbeat but everyone needs a time to sort of "stew" once in a while.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 362004, member: 3"] TM, I understand the "nothing" that you feel. I think years of growing a callus around yourself to prevent anger, fear and especially disappointment worked. You will continue to do the dutiful daughter thing because you don't want to be the woman she was. You don't want to be so self absorbed that you ignore what everyone else needs. It has been your goal to be the best mother you can be and you see your baby moving forward and her need for you is different. It's all about beginnings and endings. I found that as time went on, I could lift the callus a bit and appreciate my dad but I had 3 yrs of him in our home.i got there after he passed away. I did not ever have the level of grief one would expect to have when a parent dies. I did have some sadness and a lot of soul searching about what it means to be a good parent. I got to resolve a lot of my disappointment which was good. I suspect it will be different with my mom because the level of emotional entanglement is different with mother's. She was a hard working, good woman but she didn't protect me because it was all about her emotions, needs and stuff and not about her kids. It was always about fluff and superficial and not about the real truth. She did the best she could with the ability she had. I will try to honor her the best I can with the emotions I feel. Don't be tough on yourself. Duckie will need you in a different way. A successful parent has a child who doesn't need you but wants to spend time with you as an adult. Who has a life that is separate, healthy and good and doesn't need to have someone supervising constantly. I seldom read my boys facebook pages. I don't inquire about their activities except as a curiosity. I don't feel I need to police them anymore. It feels good and successful to me as a parent. Hopefully all those bonds will keep them in touch with us if not they have to walk their own path. Feeling poorly makes everything seem awful. I hope you can get some better health soon. You are upbeat but everyone needs a time to sort of "stew" once in a while. [/QUOTE]
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