I echo Newksm.......step relationships are hard. I found myself in a similar situation two years ago. My stepson was not openly hostile but was using drugs, refusing mental health medication, and refusing to work or go to school. He fully expected to be allowed to sit around and get high and have us take care of him. After a year of contracts, wasted opportunities, and empty promises, I finally had to tell my husband that I loved him dearly, that I was not breaking up with him or leaving him, but that I would be moving into an apartment if my stepson did not go. This jolted him into realizing he was fighting a losing battle as far as trying to grow his son into a responsible adult. Within a few months stepson was gone.
The daily strain of living with the enemy is soul draining. Add to that the guilt you feel about feeling this way. I am sure you love your stepson, as I do mine, and it is so heartbreaking to be pushed into feeling this way. But that's the thing....he is the one straining / sabotaging / destroying this relationship....not you. While your husband continues to enable and make excuses, I can almost guarantee that absolutely nothing will change.
If it is financially viable for you to stay somewhere else, even for a while, the relief you and your kitties will feel will be immeasurable. It may be the jolt your husband needs to find his son some real help and to require some real accountability from him. This would give your stepson a chance of a better life too, rather than having the red carpet rolled out for him to be lazy, creepy, and entitled. Dad surely loves him dearly, but he loves you dearly too, and he is not making the right choices by his son or his wife right now.
