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Substance Abuse
Feeling disheartened re daughter :-(
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<blockquote data-quote="Gone" data-source="post: 640464"><p>Thanks MidwestMom - It is a HORRIBLE situation</p><p></p><p>It all 'started' in March after 2 close family members died suddenly within a week of each other , she hit the bottle HARD , she already had a drink problem before that but it descended into hard core alcoholism after these events , plus the 3rd loss of her sisters baby didn't help matters grief-wise but then to descend into the pit of drinking hell to deal with the pain and loss and grief is NOT a good move but was her coping strategy before along with other drugs</p><p></p><p>When she first had my GS she was a HOMELY girl , didn't really drink or go out , was in a new area where she knew no one so only had family visits etc and was very much focused on my GS , even later on when she moved to another area and made new friends things weren't TOO bad but she has always had problems with mixing with the wrong crowd and the consequences which come with it</p><p></p><p>She always tended to want to ''walk on the wild side'' whereas her sister is the absolute OPPOSITE , very calm , rational , responsible at all times , good Mum etc</p><p></p><p>Younger one has always been 'in trouble' but she DID seem to ''settle'' once my GS was born although she did struggle at times the fact that she was on her own with him and seeing to his special needs</p><p></p><p>I was always there as much as I could be but ALCOHOL seemed to always rear its ugly head , saying that I used to drink socially and did some partying myself so I have had to look at my own previous poor choices of lifestyle too!!</p><p></p><p>It wasn't my ''hook'' to my difficult child's extent though and I wasn't into drugs , just didn't realise how something portrayed as ''innocent'' ie drinking at a celebration , drinking at extended family get togethers , drinking when friends came round etc and on Birthdays and Christmas it seemed so ''normal'' but it WASN'T , my difficult child had a drinking PROBLEM which ended up her being an alcoholic in the end after the bereavements of last year</p><p></p><p>Thing is it seems to me she doesn't WANT to be on her own , perhaps on her own the ''thoughts'' start ie she has to start FACING things , dealing with things , facing the pain and emotions etc</p><p></p><p>Your difficult child has done so well she must have been through HELL on her own in that downstairs basement but WE go through a HELL OF OUR OWN due to the AFFECT their alcohol / drug abuse has on US and the family as a whole</p><p></p><p>I have cried alone , screamed alone , dealt with all my PAIN alone .... Yes I get support sometimes thankfully but I have had to FACE THE REALITY OF EVERY EMOTION MY difficult child's behaviour and drinking etc has caused and I hate to say 'caused' but I didn't cause this suffering and nor did my GS!!!</p><p></p><p>We , especially HE was and is the innocent victim in this</p><p></p><p>Right now she just ''wants her son back'' and that is all she is thinking about not the REALITY of that situation SO EARLY ON , so potentially MORE SUFFERING TO COME FOR HIM AND ME so all I can do right now is BE THERE for HIM to protect him and make sure he is getting the right level of care at all times coz if my difficult child isn't doing it I WILL</p><p></p><p>But then stepping in and doing stuff for her I would expect to see some IMPROVEMENT , not worsening of the situation as if it worsens I will HAVE to ask SS if we can go to court for a guardianship order for life possibly!</p><p></p><p>I have been consistent , I have been there , I have grassed up my own difficult child and still DO & I face the consequences of it ( ie abuse ) but it is ALL for my GS's sake as SOMEONE has to take good care of him and give him the genuine love and care and security and stability he needs and if it is NOT going to be my difficult child it will HAVE to be me , just hope in time SS see my worth as in I CAN DO IT and do it WELL but they haven't even given me a chance as yet!</p><p></p><p>They said the plan is from foster care back to Mum but if it is too soon which I reckon it IS and it all goes pear shaped AGAIN I DO NOT WANT LITTLE MAN MOVED FROM PILLAR TO POST ie back to foster care again after being HOME of all places with NANNY AND MUMMY only to be whisked away again!!!</p><p></p><p>But that all depends on my difficult child - I am doing my bit , have even fallen out with family members over this as my sister THINKS I AM BEING TO HARSH WITH MY difficult child and ''All she needs is love'' Well if I love her with YOUR wishy washy form of love my GS will be lost to THE WHOLE FAMILY for good!</p><p></p><p>At least this way there is a CHANCE she can get him back once fully recovered but if I am too soft on her then it is pointless I might as well kiss her , kiss the drugs , kiss the alcohol , kiss the harm , kiss the abuse , kiss the f****ing DESTRUCTION it causes and SAY I LOVE IT!!!</p><p></p><p>I have had to withdraw from my sister today as she thinks I am being a cruel Mum and is kissing my difficult child's ar*e but she ALWAYS does this anyway , runs after the WRONG VICTIM when the REAL victim here is one innocent little boy with special needs!!! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p></p><p>( And his Grandmother , her own SISTER ) <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Gone, post: 640464"] Thanks MidwestMom - It is a HORRIBLE situation It all 'started' in March after 2 close family members died suddenly within a week of each other , she hit the bottle HARD , she already had a drink problem before that but it descended into hard core alcoholism after these events , plus the 3rd loss of her sisters baby didn't help matters grief-wise but then to descend into the pit of drinking hell to deal with the pain and loss and grief is NOT a good move but was her coping strategy before along with other drugs When she first had my GS she was a HOMELY girl , didn't really drink or go out , was in a new area where she knew no one so only had family visits etc and was very much focused on my GS , even later on when she moved to another area and made new friends things weren't TOO bad but she has always had problems with mixing with the wrong crowd and the consequences which come with it She always tended to want to ''walk on the wild side'' whereas her sister is the absolute OPPOSITE , very calm , rational , responsible at all times , good Mum etc Younger one has always been 'in trouble' but she DID seem to ''settle'' once my GS was born although she did struggle at times the fact that she was on her own with him and seeing to his special needs I was always there as much as I could be but ALCOHOL seemed to always rear its ugly head , saying that I used to drink socially and did some partying myself so I have had to look at my own previous poor choices of lifestyle too!! It wasn't my ''hook'' to my difficult child's extent though and I wasn't into drugs , just didn't realise how something portrayed as ''innocent'' ie drinking at a celebration , drinking at extended family get togethers , drinking when friends came round etc and on Birthdays and Christmas it seemed so ''normal'' but it WASN'T , my difficult child had a drinking PROBLEM which ended up her being an alcoholic in the end after the bereavements of last year Thing is it seems to me she doesn't WANT to be on her own , perhaps on her own the ''thoughts'' start ie she has to start FACING things , dealing with things , facing the pain and emotions etc Your difficult child has done so well she must have been through HELL on her own in that downstairs basement but WE go through a HELL OF OUR OWN due to the AFFECT their alcohol / drug abuse has on US and the family as a whole I have cried alone , screamed alone , dealt with all my PAIN alone .... Yes I get support sometimes thankfully but I have had to FACE THE REALITY OF EVERY EMOTION MY difficult child's behaviour and drinking etc has caused and I hate to say 'caused' but I didn't cause this suffering and nor did my GS!!! We , especially HE was and is the innocent victim in this Right now she just ''wants her son back'' and that is all she is thinking about not the REALITY of that situation SO EARLY ON , so potentially MORE SUFFERING TO COME FOR HIM AND ME so all I can do right now is BE THERE for HIM to protect him and make sure he is getting the right level of care at all times coz if my difficult child isn't doing it I WILL But then stepping in and doing stuff for her I would expect to see some IMPROVEMENT , not worsening of the situation as if it worsens I will HAVE to ask SS if we can go to court for a guardianship order for life possibly! I have been consistent , I have been there , I have grassed up my own difficult child and still DO & I face the consequences of it ( ie abuse ) but it is ALL for my GS's sake as SOMEONE has to take good care of him and give him the genuine love and care and security and stability he needs and if it is NOT going to be my difficult child it will HAVE to be me , just hope in time SS see my worth as in I CAN DO IT and do it WELL but they haven't even given me a chance as yet! They said the plan is from foster care back to Mum but if it is too soon which I reckon it IS and it all goes pear shaped AGAIN I DO NOT WANT LITTLE MAN MOVED FROM PILLAR TO POST ie back to foster care again after being HOME of all places with NANNY AND MUMMY only to be whisked away again!!! But that all depends on my difficult child - I am doing my bit , have even fallen out with family members over this as my sister THINKS I AM BEING TO HARSH WITH MY difficult child and ''All she needs is love'' Well if I love her with YOUR wishy washy form of love my GS will be lost to THE WHOLE FAMILY for good! At least this way there is a CHANCE she can get him back once fully recovered but if I am too soft on her then it is pointless I might as well kiss her , kiss the drugs , kiss the alcohol , kiss the harm , kiss the abuse , kiss the f****ing DESTRUCTION it causes and SAY I LOVE IT!!! I have had to withdraw from my sister today as she thinks I am being a cruel Mum and is kissing my difficult child's ar*e but she ALWAYS does this anyway , runs after the WRONG VICTIM when the REAL victim here is one innocent little boy with special needs!!! :( ( And his Grandmother , her own SISTER ) :(:( [/QUOTE]
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Feeling disheartened re daughter :-(
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