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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 730553" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>The SO can change everything. If the SO doesn't like you, everything changes. My story is...</p><p></p><p>We adopted a beautiful, brilliant boy from Asia at age six. So maybe it's different as he came to the U.S. so late and never really got the hang of family since he was in an orphanage.. He was kind to us, although distant and strange in some ways...he proposed marriage to his adopted sister and she freaked out because SHE understood family. He was dead serious. She told him, not nicely, that she is his SISTER and that it was gross and that the fact that they were not biologically connected did NOT change this. They had been close friends before that but that scared her. Of course Daughter was adopted as a baby and we were her family. We still are. Love that girl.</p><p></p><p>But he stayed in touch with all of us even when his sister told him off and none of us knew for years about him doing proposing as he didn't tell and Daughter wanted to save his place in the family. Plus she was embarrassed about it and just wanted it to blow over. She had a serious boyfriend and is still with him.</p><p></p><p>Back to Son. At 28 he met and married an older woman who wanted him to herself. She was Chinese like him and I don't think she accepted us as his family. And she probably also picked up on his fondness for his Asian sister whom we adopted as a baby (big difference adopting a baby and a six year old)</p><p> Anyway she wanted all of us out of his life and he complied. I don't blame her for his defection. He is brilliant and a millionaire now and has a mind of his own. He chose her over us and that was that. I haven't seen him since after his marriage and he is now 40. I had to go to two years of therapy to grieve him and took great solace in my husband and four other loving kids. Eventually I met him once more at a church and both he and wife were very vile. It was the final closire I needed. I could see he had never attached to us the right way. This is common when you adopt an older child and that was my calm let go point.</p><p></p><p>Many adult kids choose a SO over family for many reasons, temporarily for some. We can't stop it even if we think it's abusive. My son has two kids I never met but I learned not to think of them as grandkids as I never met them. I have precious grands I didn't see and love. I am lucky in my life, in spite of this experience.</p><p></p><p>Life is hard. We learn from every hardship. A lot.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry for your situation. You just have to wait it out and see if this goes on or stops. After all the hurt my son put me through and all the time lapsed without a word I don't want to see him again and my other kids would never accept him....it would not work. I count my blessings every day. I have so many. But he is not going to ever be one of them. I hope he has been able to love his children. He had trouble attaching to people due to his neglect in his early years.</p><p></p><p>Love and light.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 730553, member: 1550"] The SO can change everything. If the SO doesn't like you, everything changes. My story is... We adopted a beautiful, brilliant boy from Asia at age six. So maybe it's different as he came to the U.S. so late and never really got the hang of family since he was in an orphanage.. He was kind to us, although distant and strange in some ways...he proposed marriage to his adopted sister and she freaked out because SHE understood family. He was dead serious. She told him, not nicely, that she is his SISTER and that it was gross and that the fact that they were not biologically connected did NOT change this. They had been close friends before that but that scared her. Of course Daughter was adopted as a baby and we were her family. We still are. Love that girl. But he stayed in touch with all of us even when his sister told him off and none of us knew for years about him doing proposing as he didn't tell and Daughter wanted to save his place in the family. Plus she was embarrassed about it and just wanted it to blow over. She had a serious boyfriend and is still with him. Back to Son. At 28 he met and married an older woman who wanted him to herself. She was Chinese like him and I don't think she accepted us as his family. And she probably also picked up on his fondness for his Asian sister whom we adopted as a baby (big difference adopting a baby and a six year old) Anyway she wanted all of us out of his life and he complied. I don't blame her for his defection. He is brilliant and a millionaire now and has a mind of his own. He chose her over us and that was that. I haven't seen him since after his marriage and he is now 40. I had to go to two years of therapy to grieve him and took great solace in my husband and four other loving kids. Eventually I met him once more at a church and both he and wife were very vile. It was the final closire I needed. I could see he had never attached to us the right way. This is common when you adopt an older child and that was my calm let go point. Many adult kids choose a SO over family for many reasons, temporarily for some. We can't stop it even if we think it's abusive. My son has two kids I never met but I learned not to think of them as grandkids as I never met them. I have precious grands I didn't see and love. I am lucky in my life, in spite of this experience. Life is hard. We learn from every hardship. A lot. I am sorry for your situation. You just have to wait it out and see if this goes on or stops. After all the hurt my son put me through and all the time lapsed without a word I don't want to see him again and my other kids would never accept him....it would not work. I count my blessings every day. I have so many. But he is not going to ever be one of them. I hope he has been able to love his children. He had trouble attaching to people due to his neglect in his early years. Love and light. [/QUOTE]
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