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feeling hopeless:(
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 600690" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>It's a very stressful situation to be in. I thought I had my enabling under control years ago, then my difficult child relapsed and is in a relationship where they both were in on a conn for money that I fell for.</p><p></p><p>I started really looking at the things I was doing - that I did not think of as enabling - I and I realized this could continue for the rest of my life, IF I allowed it.</p><p></p><p>You have to set boundaries and you have to let them know what will happen if they do not follow your rules. The most important part is you have to be ready to enforce your rules, regardless of the excuses they come up with.</p><p></p><p>There are some great books out to for you to read, if you can afford it therapy really helps (when you have a good therapist) if you have any support groups in your area find them. You probably will not get your sons to go, maybe not your husband, but it will help you.</p><p></p><p>You can not force your sons to get help, you can not change them. As long as they have food and a roof over their heads they will continue to use and abuse until THEY decide to change their habits. It is a difficult situation to be in and as a grand with a 19yo acting like yours, there's no way they would be in my home. I have learned the hard way that all I did thinking I was helping was not helping at all. I cringe when I think of all the money I have spent trying to help my difficult child start over. </p><p>(((hugs and blessings)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 600690, member: 13558"] It's a very stressful situation to be in. I thought I had my enabling under control years ago, then my difficult child relapsed and is in a relationship where they both were in on a conn for money that I fell for. I started really looking at the things I was doing - that I did not think of as enabling - I and I realized this could continue for the rest of my life, IF I allowed it. You have to set boundaries and you have to let them know what will happen if they do not follow your rules. The most important part is you have to be ready to enforce your rules, regardless of the excuses they come up with. There are some great books out to for you to read, if you can afford it therapy really helps (when you have a good therapist) if you have any support groups in your area find them. You probably will not get your sons to go, maybe not your husband, but it will help you. You can not force your sons to get help, you can not change them. As long as they have food and a roof over their heads they will continue to use and abuse until THEY decide to change their habits. It is a difficult situation to be in and as a grand with a 19yo acting like yours, there's no way they would be in my home. I have learned the hard way that all I did thinking I was helping was not helping at all. I cringe when I think of all the money I have spent trying to help my difficult child start over. (((hugs and blessings))) [/QUOTE]
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