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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 656830" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>You are experiencing PTSD, Iwantpeace.</p><p></p><p>It will pass, but it will take a function of will for you to resolve it completely.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you posted. Naming the emotional place where we are helps us survive it. Post traumatic stress, or FOG, are two names that I have for this feeling you are feeling, now.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening. There are no words to describe the pain of watching someone we love self-destruct. There is nothing easy or right about what is happening, here. But you must accept that it is what it is, Iwantpeace. You did not do this. Your son created this ~ all of it. You cannot fix this for your son. I agree with SWOT that your son has forfeited his right to be anywhere near his child. He is abusing drugs and he is abusing you, Iwantpeace. Bi-polar is often diagnosed in those using street drugs, and no one can really say whether the street drugs created the bipolar. But however it came to be, it is your son who needs to take responsibility for his own mental and physical state.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing I know of that will help a practicing addict. </p><p></p><p>What you see and hear, those words he is saying that are killing the heart of you, that is addict talk. You must train yourself to recognize and disregard it Iwantpeace, or you will not survive this.</p><p></p><p>It is very hard.</p><p></p><p>You are battling one of the most hurtful, destructive things that can happen to a family.</p><p></p><p>Addicted people never do tell the truth. Their addictions are destroying them from the inside out, and integrity is one of the first things to go ~ right after empathy, I think. Addiction is too horrifying a thing for love ~ even the love of a mother ~ to change.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing you can do for him, Iwantpeace.</p><p></p><p>Like me, and like every parent here with an addicted child, you need to put space and time between yourself and your son. Whether he chooses the addiction or not, he is currently addicted and is not safe to be around. He is not safe to talk to even on the phone because he will hurt you to get what he wants ~ which will always come down to money. Somehow, whether he begins torturing you with sad tales of his child, or with bitter accusations against you for taking him seriously after he assaulted you and damaged your house the first time (I think the garage door thing was assault) it will always get back to money.</p><p></p><p>Other than forever wanting money, our addicted children are unpredictable. Your son is not safe for you to be around, or to see, or to talk to on the phone. Not in his current actively addicted state.</p><p></p><p>Hang onto that with both hands. It is the truest thing I know. An addiction has your son, and you will not see him again until he breaks it.</p><p></p><p>What you can do is begin working on yourself. Tanya gave correct advice. Taking care of ourselves helps us refocus. A pedicure, a walk, watching the sunrise, a favorite song; gourmet coffee, a glass of good wine, a class of some kind, a great book or a movie ~ each of these things are our tools. If we are going to make it through this, we need to commit to surviving it. When we feel our sanity wobbling, we need to go to our toolbox. (That is Child of Mine's imagery.) Envision a tool box in your mind, Iwantpeace. Every helpful thing, everything you know that will change your mood from traumatized to stableized goes in that tool box where you can access it at will.</p><p></p><p>You are strong enough, Iwantpeace.</p><p></p><p>We all are getting through this hard thing one day at a time. I am glad you found the site and that you are here with us now. Please know we have been right there where you are this morning, Iwantpeace. We do know how hard, how impossibly hard it is to do what needs to be done when our children are addicted.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry this is happening to you, and to your son.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 656830, member: 17461"] You are experiencing PTSD, Iwantpeace. It will pass, but it will take a function of will for you to resolve it completely. I am glad you posted. Naming the emotional place where we are helps us survive it. Post traumatic stress, or FOG, are two names that I have for this feeling you are feeling, now. I am sorry this is happening. There are no words to describe the pain of watching someone we love self-destruct. There is nothing easy or right about what is happening, here. But you must accept that it is what it is, Iwantpeace. You did not do this. Your son created this ~ all of it. You cannot fix this for your son. I agree with SWOT that your son has forfeited his right to be anywhere near his child. He is abusing drugs and he is abusing you, Iwantpeace. Bi-polar is often diagnosed in those using street drugs, and no one can really say whether the street drugs created the bipolar. But however it came to be, it is your son who needs to take responsibility for his own mental and physical state. There is nothing I know of that will help a practicing addict. What you see and hear, those words he is saying that are killing the heart of you, that is addict talk. You must train yourself to recognize and disregard it Iwantpeace, or you will not survive this. It is very hard. You are battling one of the most hurtful, destructive things that can happen to a family. Addicted people never do tell the truth. Their addictions are destroying them from the inside out, and integrity is one of the first things to go ~ right after empathy, I think. Addiction is too horrifying a thing for love ~ even the love of a mother ~ to change. There is nothing you can do for him, Iwantpeace. Like me, and like every parent here with an addicted child, you need to put space and time between yourself and your son. Whether he chooses the addiction or not, he is currently addicted and is not safe to be around. He is not safe to talk to even on the phone because he will hurt you to get what he wants ~ which will always come down to money. Somehow, whether he begins torturing you with sad tales of his child, or with bitter accusations against you for taking him seriously after he assaulted you and damaged your house the first time (I think the garage door thing was assault) it will always get back to money. Other than forever wanting money, our addicted children are unpredictable. Your son is not safe for you to be around, or to see, or to talk to on the phone. Not in his current actively addicted state. Hang onto that with both hands. It is the truest thing I know. An addiction has your son, and you will not see him again until he breaks it. What you can do is begin working on yourself. Tanya gave correct advice. Taking care of ourselves helps us refocus. A pedicure, a walk, watching the sunrise, a favorite song; gourmet coffee, a glass of good wine, a class of some kind, a great book or a movie ~ each of these things are our tools. If we are going to make it through this, we need to commit to surviving it. When we feel our sanity wobbling, we need to go to our toolbox. (That is Child of Mine's imagery.) Envision a tool box in your mind, Iwantpeace. Every helpful thing, everything you know that will change your mood from traumatized to stableized goes in that tool box where you can access it at will. You are strong enough, Iwantpeace. We all are getting through this hard thing one day at a time. I am glad you found the site and that you are here with us now. Please know we have been right there where you are this morning, Iwantpeace. We do know how hard, how impossibly hard it is to do what needs to be done when our children are addicted. I am so sorry this is happening to you, and to your son. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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