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Feeling hopeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 656842" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>IWP I am so sorry for your fear and your pain and I am also just as sorry for the choices he is making in his life. </p><p></p><p>We love them so much and they can hook us hard with their victimizing and their blame and their own sadness and fear.</p><p></p><p>There is no harder stuff than this...to continue to set boundaries and not react and be calm and kind in the face of such awfulness...to say nothing as we bear witness to yet more bad choices.</p><p></p><p>IWP there is no "ruined life". He can come back from it all when and if he chooses. It may not look like what we hoped for them at all but they can have a good life. My son has multiple misdemeanors and two felonies and has been in jail 8 or 9 times. He was on county probation and state probation and was facing four years in jail or prison with one. More. Bad. Move. That is what seems to have finally gotten his attention.</p><p></p><p>The first time he went to jail I thought I would die. By the last time I was so glad he was there instead of homeless again. </p><p></p><p>You can't fix this. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. This is not on you and never was on you. We have to work to reject the guilt and shame of THEIR choices. We are not them and they are not us.</p><p></p><p>Please work out of your toolbox every single day. That is the true path to peace. We are here for you. Lots of hugs for your hurting heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 656842, member: 17542"] IWP I am so sorry for your fear and your pain and I am also just as sorry for the choices he is making in his life. We love them so much and they can hook us hard with their victimizing and their blame and their own sadness and fear. There is no harder stuff than this...to continue to set boundaries and not react and be calm and kind in the face of such awfulness...to say nothing as we bear witness to yet more bad choices. IWP there is no "ruined life". He can come back from it all when and if he chooses. It may not look like what we hoped for them at all but they can have a good life. My son has multiple misdemeanors and two felonies and has been in jail 8 or 9 times. He was on county probation and state probation and was facing four years in jail or prison with one. More. Bad. Move. That is what seems to have finally gotten his attention. The first time he went to jail I thought I would die. By the last time I was so glad he was there instead of homeless again. You can't fix this. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. This is not on you and never was on you. We have to work to reject the guilt and shame of THEIR choices. We are not them and they are not us. Please work out of your toolbox every single day. That is the true path to peace. We are here for you. Lots of hugs for your hurting heart. [/QUOTE]
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