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Feeling like a terrible mother but....
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<blockquote data-quote="WearyMom18" data-source="post: 655319" data-attributes="member: 18856"><p>She called me this morning, she said from a hotel room she managed to get last night somehow. We actually had the most mature, rational conversation we have had in years.</p><p> </p><p>She said she was calling to let me know that with the help of a friend, she is trying to get on at a large retailer's distribution center packing pallets for a job and trying to find a steady place to live. She said she knows that I cannot help her; that she has to help herself. She also said she knows that she is where she is because of her choices and actions. WOW. She went on to say that she was going to try and get a check-up at a free clinic and have a pregnancy test done. She said she doesn't think she is pregnant or sick but wants to get checked out just in case. (I'm nauseated and I hurt over that one)</p><p> </p><p>She got a little weepy and said she understands that she will eventually have to go to jail but she says she's too emotionally upset right now over some recent things that have happened to her so she wants some time to try and at least get a job and a place to live before she feels like she can take jail. She doesn't think she is strong enough in her mind to handle it and be able to tolerate it.</p><p> </p><p>She said she loves me and her dad and she hopes one day we can love her again. I told her that we love her no matter what; we just can't help her destroy her life or help her fix it with the choices she has made and continues to make. She said she totally understands that. She apologized to me for being a *&%^-up and putting us through hell - that we don't deserve it. She thanked me for talking to her and said she had to go so we ended the call there.</p><p> </p><p>I pray that she is not pregnant or infected with some sort of STD or worse - I have reason to believe she isn't pregnant but I won't go into that. =)</p><p> </p><p>I haven't heard such sincerity from her before and it gave me pause. I tend to think she was being genuine - as a matter of fact I KNOW she was genuine. That's my daughter, the girl I raised - I knew she was in there somewhere.</p><p> </p><p>I told her that I thought that if she didn't have a place to go, it might make sense to go and turn herself in. At least she would be safe, have a bed to sleep in and meals to eat without doing anything risky. She asked if I knew how long she would be there and made some talk as if she was considering it but then said, she wasn't sure she could survive it mentally because she is at a really low point right now. I suspect she has sold herself for money or drugs or whatever and she is in a pretty low place right now.</p><p> </p><p>I HATE this for her but there's just nothing I can do at this point. I haven't felt sad to the point of crying this time and I think it's because I might just be all used up - at least that's how I feel right now. This is incredibly hard and I am scared to death for her but now I know that she is in there somewhere - for just those few minutes I got to talk to my daughter, the one I know and raised and love.</p><p> </p><p>I hope I can have that daughter back one day, I hope she survives this part of her life and I hope there's not been too much damage to fix. </p><p> </p><p>Thanks to all of you for your words of support. They mean the world. Hugs to all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WearyMom18, post: 655319, member: 18856"] She called me this morning, she said from a hotel room she managed to get last night somehow. We actually had the most mature, rational conversation we have had in years. She said she was calling to let me know that with the help of a friend, she is trying to get on at a large retailer's distribution center packing pallets for a job and trying to find a steady place to live. She said she knows that I cannot help her; that she has to help herself. She also said she knows that she is where she is because of her choices and actions. WOW. She went on to say that she was going to try and get a check-up at a free clinic and have a pregnancy test done. She said she doesn't think she is pregnant or sick but wants to get checked out just in case. (I'm nauseated and I hurt over that one) She got a little weepy and said she understands that she will eventually have to go to jail but she says she's too emotionally upset right now over some recent things that have happened to her so she wants some time to try and at least get a job and a place to live before she feels like she can take jail. She doesn't think she is strong enough in her mind to handle it and be able to tolerate it. She said she loves me and her dad and she hopes one day we can love her again. I told her that we love her no matter what; we just can't help her destroy her life or help her fix it with the choices she has made and continues to make. She said she totally understands that. She apologized to me for being a *&%^-up and putting us through hell - that we don't deserve it. She thanked me for talking to her and said she had to go so we ended the call there. I pray that she is not pregnant or infected with some sort of STD or worse - I have reason to believe she isn't pregnant but I won't go into that. =) I haven't heard such sincerity from her before and it gave me pause. I tend to think she was being genuine - as a matter of fact I KNOW she was genuine. That's my daughter, the girl I raised - I knew she was in there somewhere. I told her that I thought that if she didn't have a place to go, it might make sense to go and turn herself in. At least she would be safe, have a bed to sleep in and meals to eat without doing anything risky. She asked if I knew how long she would be there and made some talk as if she was considering it but then said, she wasn't sure she could survive it mentally because she is at a really low point right now. I suspect she has sold herself for money or drugs or whatever and she is in a pretty low place right now. I HATE this for her but there's just nothing I can do at this point. I haven't felt sad to the point of crying this time and I think it's because I might just be all used up - at least that's how I feel right now. This is incredibly hard and I am scared to death for her but now I know that she is in there somewhere - for just those few minutes I got to talk to my daughter, the one I know and raised and love. I hope I can have that daughter back one day, I hope she survives this part of her life and I hope there's not been too much damage to fix. Thanks to all of you for your words of support. They mean the world. Hugs to all. [/QUOTE]
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