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Feeling like most disloyal mom ever
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 678887" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My quote machine is not working: "my son seems to be falling off the wagon when it comes to kids like her."</p><p></p><p>You are talking here about your sadness about Ache's losing ground with his peer group, and your own sense of loss in terms of what you thought his future life would be.</p><p></p><p>And having to readjust your expectations. And how hard that is. </p><p></p><p>Wow. Do I relate to this. Today I was thinking about getting old. I mean, decrepit old, where somebody has to take care of you. And I was hoping that M, who is 7 years younger than I, would still be around. Because while my son would take care of me, he would probably exploit me too, without knowing it. He would dominate my house. He would create chaos.</p><p></p><p>I had always longed to be with my son as I aged. Now I can barely be around him. There are so many losses. Losses about who and what I would be as a mother. Loss of self-esteem, my own.</p><p></p><p>I think the losses are greater for me, than for my son. Dreams of grandchildren. I saw little girl dresses at Costco today and at the thrift store a mom had a cart full of little girl clothes. I felt bereft.</p><p></p><p>I do not know how to make this better for you (even though you did not ask me too) because I do not know how to make it better for myself. Except to be grateful that my son is alive, that we have some kind of relationship and he is incrementally better; I am grateful that I have the potential to live fully, whether he does or not.</p><p></p><p>I try to remember that each of us has our own G-d-given life. Dreams were never promised. We can always get new ones.</p><p></p><p>I admire Ache how he has protected the girlfriend (and himself as he is with her) from the more ragged parts of his illness, while telling her the truth.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 678887, member: 18958"] My quote machine is not working: "my son seems to be falling off the wagon when it comes to kids like her." You are talking here about your sadness about Ache's losing ground with his peer group, and your own sense of loss in terms of what you thought his future life would be. And having to readjust your expectations. And how hard that is. Wow. Do I relate to this. Today I was thinking about getting old. I mean, decrepit old, where somebody has to take care of you. And I was hoping that M, who is 7 years younger than I, would still be around. Because while my son would take care of me, he would probably exploit me too, without knowing it. He would dominate my house. He would create chaos. I had always longed to be with my son as I aged. Now I can barely be around him. There are so many losses. Losses about who and what I would be as a mother. Loss of self-esteem, my own. I think the losses are greater for me, than for my son. Dreams of grandchildren. I saw little girl dresses at Costco today and at the thrift store a mom had a cart full of little girl clothes. I felt bereft. I do not know how to make this better for you (even though you did not ask me too) because I do not know how to make it better for myself. Except to be grateful that my son is alive, that we have some kind of relationship and he is incrementally better; I am grateful that I have the potential to live fully, whether he does or not. I try to remember that each of us has our own G-d-given life. Dreams were never promised. We can always get new ones. I admire Ache how he has protected the girlfriend (and himself as he is with her) from the more ragged parts of his illness, while telling her the truth. COPA [/QUOTE]
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Feeling like most disloyal mom ever
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