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Feeling Torn, No Win Situation
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<blockquote data-quote="Triedntrue" data-source="post: 728652" data-attributes="member: 21499"><p>I am in a similar situation except my son is in jail at the moment. When he gets out he is going to set something up with his uncle who has rentals to work and live I don't know if this will work out and if it doesn't he has no where to go. I have enabled him by paying rent buying food etc. He would not admit that he was bipolar and I tried to get help with a 302 but treatment has been inconsistent. When I paid his rent and helped him he did not need to admit that he had a problem. He was out of control taking drugs making his bipolar worse and getting into trouble. Wasn't on medications . He needs to bottom out just like an addict to realize that he needs help.</p><p></p><p> I can not let my son stay in my home even if I allowed it my husband would not. I suggest you read a book called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I go to a private councilor who tells me I have to detach and I specially chose her because she had worked with bipolar people. As far as the woman at NAMI was she a councilor or a parent ? Everyone has to do what they can live with as so many people on here have told me. If she was a parent I suggest you talk to a councilor and see if she is of the same opinion. My question would be if he doesn't learn to live on his own now what happens when she is gone? </p><p></p><p>Several people on here have mentioned an acronym called FOG fear, obligation, guilt. It sounds like she is trying to guilt you. I have not attended NAMI so I do not know their total philosophy but many on here have and will probably answer you as well. There are ways we can help that are more appropriate, you can set boundaries such as you can not stay with us in our house but I will pay your rent for one month until you can fend for yourself. An extended stay hotel might be a start. You could give him a list of organizations that would help him. NAMI could probably help you with that. </p><p></p><p>We need to have a place where we are at peace, a sanctuary or we will not be any help to anyone. I was reading about famous people who are Bipolar and very sucessful I am pretty sure they don't live at home. I hope you find the answers you are looking for and hang in there more people will respond I am sure.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Triedntrue, post: 728652, member: 21499"] I am in a similar situation except my son is in jail at the moment. When he gets out he is going to set something up with his uncle who has rentals to work and live I don't know if this will work out and if it doesn't he has no where to go. I have enabled him by paying rent buying food etc. He would not admit that he was bipolar and I tried to get help with a 302 but treatment has been inconsistent. When I paid his rent and helped him he did not need to admit that he had a problem. He was out of control taking drugs making his bipolar worse and getting into trouble. Wasn't on medications . He needs to bottom out just like an addict to realize that he needs help. I can not let my son stay in my home even if I allowed it my husband would not. I suggest you read a book called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I go to a private councilor who tells me I have to detach and I specially chose her because she had worked with bipolar people. As far as the woman at NAMI was she a councilor or a parent ? Everyone has to do what they can live with as so many people on here have told me. If she was a parent I suggest you talk to a councilor and see if she is of the same opinion. My question would be if he doesn't learn to live on his own now what happens when she is gone? Several people on here have mentioned an acronym called FOG fear, obligation, guilt. It sounds like she is trying to guilt you. I have not attended NAMI so I do not know their total philosophy but many on here have and will probably answer you as well. There are ways we can help that are more appropriate, you can set boundaries such as you can not stay with us in our house but I will pay your rent for one month until you can fend for yourself. An extended stay hotel might be a start. You could give him a list of organizations that would help him. NAMI could probably help you with that. We need to have a place where we are at peace, a sanctuary or we will not be any help to anyone. I was reading about famous people who are Bipolar and very sucessful I am pretty sure they don't live at home. I hope you find the answers you are looking for and hang in there more people will respond I am sure. [/QUOTE]
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