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Feeling Torn, No Win Situation
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<blockquote data-quote="Laker16" data-source="post: 728715" data-attributes="member: 22808"><p>I hope I didn't discourage anyone by what I said about NAMI. It has been a place where we felt understood and safe. RecoveringEnabler you are right, we need to take from groups like NAMI what helps and feels right and leave the rest. I was just feeling filled with self doubt and guilt after talking to the woman who leads the group. I need to remind myself that her experiences and life are different than mine even if we do both have a mentally ill son.</p><p></p><p>Somewhereoutthere, we have never been officially told by a doctor what our son's condition is because he was in his early 20s when he was first hospitalized. We have gotten bits of information from various medical staff, and I think it may have been our son himself who mentioned bipolar. He does periodically get terribly depressed and can't seem to function on a day to day basis. Other times he is very "up" and talks about how he believes it is his calling to be like Jesus and wander the earth teaching people truths that will help them find happiness. He will do odd tai-chi type movements while you are trying to talk to him and his responses often don't make sense. He believes that these times when he is up that he is having spiritually transformative experiences, not that he has any kind of illness which might require treatment. He sent me info on this group that believes that our medical system has wrongly identified what they experience as an illness (<a href="https://aciste.org/" target="_blank">ACISTE</a>). I told him that I am no expert and it may be spiritual, but that it was causing him a lot of difficulties with his relationships with friends and with just being able to care for himself. He responds "the universe will take care of me, just like with Jesus who didn't worry about a job or house". When he has no place to stay he says that we are his parents and have to help him. We try to explain that this is <em>our</em> home, but he gets angry and yells "fine, you and dad keep your little house and I'll have the rest of the world!". I just feel like I can't communicate with him, like our brains function and reason so differently that we can't seem to understand one another. I am often troubled lately at how he tries to manipulate us through guilt and as horrible as it sounds, it feels like he says and does what he thinks will get him what he wants instead of being honest with us.</p><p></p><p>I think you are right about the medication. He has said that he doesn't like how it makes him feel. We encourage him to work with the doctors to adjust it, but I don't think he has ever tried. He just gets out of the hospital, takes the medications he feels like taking for a few days, then stops completely.</p><p></p><p>This weekend we are going to try to help him find some sort of housing in the town where he is. I have no idea how we will find something that he can afford once we stop helping (we have set a limit of time and $) or if he is even able to get a job. I'm trying not to let the worry overwhelm me, but it is a moment to moment struggle. </p><p></p><p>Do you all every just want to run away from your life because it feels unbearable?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Laker16, post: 728715, member: 22808"] I hope I didn't discourage anyone by what I said about NAMI. It has been a place where we felt understood and safe. RecoveringEnabler you are right, we need to take from groups like NAMI what helps and feels right and leave the rest. I was just feeling filled with self doubt and guilt after talking to the woman who leads the group. I need to remind myself that her experiences and life are different than mine even if we do both have a mentally ill son. Somewhereoutthere, we have never been officially told by a doctor what our son's condition is because he was in his early 20s when he was first hospitalized. We have gotten bits of information from various medical staff, and I think it may have been our son himself who mentioned bipolar. He does periodically get terribly depressed and can't seem to function on a day to day basis. Other times he is very "up" and talks about how he believes it is his calling to be like Jesus and wander the earth teaching people truths that will help them find happiness. He will do odd tai-chi type movements while you are trying to talk to him and his responses often don't make sense. He believes that these times when he is up that he is having spiritually transformative experiences, not that he has any kind of illness which might require treatment. He sent me info on this group that believes that our medical system has wrongly identified what they experience as an illness ([URL="https://aciste.org/"]ACISTE[/URL]). I told him that I am no expert and it may be spiritual, but that it was causing him a lot of difficulties with his relationships with friends and with just being able to care for himself. He responds "the universe will take care of me, just like with Jesus who didn't worry about a job or house". When he has no place to stay he says that we are his parents and have to help him. We try to explain that this is [I]our[/I] home, but he gets angry and yells "fine, you and dad keep your little house and I'll have the rest of the world!". I just feel like I can't communicate with him, like our brains function and reason so differently that we can't seem to understand one another. I am often troubled lately at how he tries to manipulate us through guilt and as horrible as it sounds, it feels like he says and does what he thinks will get him what he wants instead of being honest with us. I think you are right about the medication. He has said that he doesn't like how it makes him feel. We encourage him to work with the doctors to adjust it, but I don't think he has ever tried. He just gets out of the hospital, takes the medications he feels like taking for a few days, then stops completely. This weekend we are going to try to help him find some sort of housing in the town where he is. I have no idea how we will find something that he can afford once we stop helping (we have set a limit of time and $) or if he is even able to get a job. I'm trying not to let the worry overwhelm me, but it is a moment to moment struggle. Do you all every just want to run away from your life because it feels unbearable? [/QUOTE]
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