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Feeling Torn, No Win Situation
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 728823" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Laker, the woman who leads your NAMI group sounds like she is a few bats short of a belfry. I know the woman who leads the NAMI Bipolar and Mood Disorder Support groups here in our country and she is amazing. Ah. May. Zing. I have known her for 3 decades, long before she even knew her daughter and son had mood disorders, and she would NEVER tell you that you need to figure out how to get power of attorney over your son's medical decisions. I cannot even fathom those words coming out of her mouth. I know her well on many levels. She just would not ever suggest that to anyone. It is such an intrusive thing to ever even imply. I know she hasn't even done that for her own children. </p><p></p><p>Your home is your safe space. YOUR SAFE SPACE. It is NOT your son's space. He is an adult and regardless of his other choices or his mental challenges or problems, it is NEVER his option to tell you what to do with your home. It was his home as a MINOR. Once he became an adult, it was his responsibility to create his own home. If he is so handicapped that he cannot support himself, he needs to apply for disability and get help from the government so that he can live on his own. </p><p></p><p>It is NEVER his RIGHT to just move back into your home. It isn't OK for him to make you uncomfortable or unsafe in your own home. He is old enough to get a J.O.B. and earn some m-o-n-e-y to support himself. If he cannot do that, he has options other than to sponge off of his parents. He can be homeless, he can live in shelters, he can apply for disability if he is disabled. He truly may be disabled. I honestly believe that. If so, he can apply for and get disability. It may require time and the help of a good lawyer, but it can be done. He may require supported housing. If he refuses this, that is his right.</p><p></p><p>Refusing help does NOT mean he can then demand that Mom and Dad allow him to take over the family home and make them miserable. Who is helped by that? If he moves home, he might be happy, but Mom and Dad are miserable. That isn't right. You worked for too long, and worked too hard, to let anyone move in and make you miserable. </p><p></p><p>Being mentally ill does not mean you abdicate personal responsibility. Listen to SWOT. She understands it. Part of what we did with my oldest was insist that first he be a good person. Not that he read or write or do math problems, but that he be a good person. The academic stuff was secondary. It was one big reason we homeschooled him at some points in his education. The teacher was fine, but the overall atmosphere was such that it was survival of the fittest. That was NOT the lesson we wanted him to learn. As someone with autism, it would be driven home very clearly that being mean got you what you wanted. We could not afford that lesson when he had 2 younger siblings. We could afford to homeschool him until we moved to a better school system, one more in line with our values and less "Watership Down".</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 728823, member: 1233"] Laker, the woman who leads your NAMI group sounds like she is a few bats short of a belfry. I know the woman who leads the NAMI Bipolar and Mood Disorder Support groups here in our country and she is amazing. Ah. May. Zing. I have known her for 3 decades, long before she even knew her daughter and son had mood disorders, and she would NEVER tell you that you need to figure out how to get power of attorney over your son's medical decisions. I cannot even fathom those words coming out of her mouth. I know her well on many levels. She just would not ever suggest that to anyone. It is such an intrusive thing to ever even imply. I know she hasn't even done that for her own children. Your home is your safe space. YOUR SAFE SPACE. It is NOT your son's space. He is an adult and regardless of his other choices or his mental challenges or problems, it is NEVER his option to tell you what to do with your home. It was his home as a MINOR. Once he became an adult, it was his responsibility to create his own home. If he is so handicapped that he cannot support himself, he needs to apply for disability and get help from the government so that he can live on his own. It is NEVER his RIGHT to just move back into your home. It isn't OK for him to make you uncomfortable or unsafe in your own home. He is old enough to get a J.O.B. and earn some m-o-n-e-y to support himself. If he cannot do that, he has options other than to sponge off of his parents. He can be homeless, he can live in shelters, he can apply for disability if he is disabled. He truly may be disabled. I honestly believe that. If so, he can apply for and get disability. It may require time and the help of a good lawyer, but it can be done. He may require supported housing. If he refuses this, that is his right. Refusing help does NOT mean he can then demand that Mom and Dad allow him to take over the family home and make them miserable. Who is helped by that? If he moves home, he might be happy, but Mom and Dad are miserable. That isn't right. You worked for too long, and worked too hard, to let anyone move in and make you miserable. Being mentally ill does not mean you abdicate personal responsibility. Listen to SWOT. She understands it. Part of what we did with my oldest was insist that first he be a good person. Not that he read or write or do math problems, but that he be a good person. The academic stuff was secondary. It was one big reason we homeschooled him at some points in his education. The teacher was fine, but the overall atmosphere was such that it was survival of the fittest. That was NOT the lesson we wanted him to learn. As someone with autism, it would be driven home very clearly that being mean got you what you wanted. We could not afford that lesson when he had 2 younger siblings. We could afford to homeschool him until we moved to a better school system, one more in line with our values and less "Watership Down". [/QUOTE]
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