Mamab,
There is something, deep down inside your son, that is going on. Many of us struggled for years before finding something, often small, that made a difference - a program, a doctor, a teacher, a mentor, a hospitalization, a new diagnosis, a new medication or combo of medications, etc. The list goes on and on.
First and foremost is your safety and the safety of the other children. If your son is threatening or physical with you or his siblings, all bets are off. Transport to the emergency room.
Second, keep a diary on him. Record every time he exhibits behaviors that concern you. Write down what was happening before he "snapped", how long it took him to calm down, and what your (and anyone else around) reaction was to his behavior. There could be a pattern of cycles, foods, etc. I would also, especially since it sounds like he is a different child when dad is around, purchase a small audio recorder. Record, without his knowledge if possible, some of the situations that are troubling you. Find one of those small ones you can keep in your pocket or such.
Third, what kinds of docs has your son seen. His pediatrician, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a neuro-psychiatrist? I know you say he has been diagnosis'd with odd and adhd, but were there any mood or conduct diagnoses? Is there any family history of behavioral, emotional, or mental issues? Sometimes that's a starting point. You say he is a different kid around dad; does he pit the two of you against each other? Does your husband agree something is not right with your son?
How does he do in school? You mentioned he used to be in public but now he's in private. Why the change? Is he compliant with his teachers? How does he do socially with his peers?
Sorry for all the questions, but our challenging kids are complex and it takes a lot of questions.......
Welcome to the site.
Sharon
