First day of school; need a shoulder

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Jan 12, 2009.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I left a sobbing wee difficult child at school for his first day.
    I expected it.
    It went relatively well. He has had bouts of excitment and anxiety all weekend, but woke up this morning excited. Once at school, tho, when the teacher wrote his name on his lunch card, he fell apart because he doesn't know how to write his full first name or last name. I left him with his para shortly after that, so I don't know.
    I want him to have a wonderful day. I also know, tho, in order to keep the supports he has and get them written into his plan, they're going to need to see his behavior. Its hard to send your kid off and "hope" those things.
    I've also allowed my in-laws' judgement of me to get to me. I have been keeping an inventory of every move I make with difficult child, second guessing everything. Gotta get past that.
    If I knew anyone who had any creditials at all in successfully raising difficult child's and who would be willing to take my difficult child, you can bet I'd have him there in a heartbeat. Even if they weren't willing, I'd be on their doorstep learning their strategies.
    Anywho, just needed a shoulder this morning.
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    You can have my shoulder. I am sturdy, and you can lean away. I hope that they see what a wonderful boy he is, and realize that he needs help not judgement.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am not as sturdy as I used to be but I am next to you in spirit.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aw, I'm so sorry.
    Here are some tissues. And a soft pillow.
    Get Caller ID and when your inlaws call, don't answer.
  5. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I am here, I am getting sturdier!
    I have been beating myself over my in-laws as well. We have to stop that carp right now! You have too many other things to worry about!
    You are doing the right thing. You care about the little guy, that is great!
    I said to husband the other day, I wish a psychiatrist or a therapist could come spend a week and truly see K and help us, give us advice on what to do... how to help her when she is manic or out of control, what are the stinking answers???

    It is all so hard. You are a great Mom!
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Toto, I wish the same. I wish someone who supposedly "knows" about all this stuff would wire my house with cams and watch the day to day interactions with this little guy. That way they could truly tell me what I'm doing right and wrong, and see wee difficult child in action first hand. As it is, in their 15 minute blips here and there, I don't even think they have an inkling what diagnosis he has or doesn't have.
    So frustrating, but thanks for the shoulders.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry. it is so hard to leave them in a new situation when they are upset. I am right here with you.

    as for the in-laws, whenever you find yourself second guessing things, think of any of the strange things your mother in law does - and consider the source of the criticism. In your head SEE her doing one of her strange things. I bet it will help you realize that her criticism is about as valid as that email I just got that said I have a relative in Africa who left me millions of $$. This REALLY helped me when I went through the second guessing because of some things my in-laws said.

    also remember this - you have a special bond with your son. YOU are the expert on your son - not the docs (who are experts on disease and disorder, but never on a child since they only see them for a few minutes every few months!), not the school people, not the lady down the lane, and NOT your in-laws.

    And YOU are doing a TERRIFIC job with and for your son. You are a great advocate for him in all ways. You also love him with all your heart (and you have a pretty big heart!) and are constantly searching for the best ways to help him.

    Your inlaws are criticizing, but they are doing NOTHING positive for your son. So blow them off. Or, more accurately, Consider the Source.

    Right here with you today, lady.

  8. artana

    artana New Member

    Big hugs. I know exactly what you are talking about with wanting difficult child to have a good day, but being worried that the behavior needs to be seen.:/ Good luck with the day, and let us know how it ends.
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Ohhhh.... that sounds like a first day at school...I really hope they turn it around quickly for him and that he comes home happy and liking it. It will make such a difference for him- it did sound like they were going to make every effort. Let's hope they do!!
  10. BestICan

    BestICan This community rocks.

    Just wanted to add my support. I left my difficult child at school after watching him bumble his way into a social situation. He was so nervous, and he really tried to connect with some kids, but just got blank stares. Kinda broke my heart.

    I'm using the time he's at school to think about OTHER things. Part of the trick is forgiving yourself for not worrying, if you know what I mean. We have to give ourselves permission to clear our heads. The school stuff be there again at pick-up time whether we worry or not.


  11. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I hope he's gone OK today, Shari.

    And remember, if experts with their 15 minute blips still can't diagnosis weeGFG, then how can your in-laws, with NO medical expertise, hope to have the answers?

  12. ML

    ML Guest

    I really hope he had a good day, Shari. I am so there with you in spirit. Hugs, ML
  13. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    How did the day go? It is so hard to leave a child who is upset - I know, I wasn't strong enough to do so last fall and stayed at school for as long as my difficult child could. Many a day I left the school crying as I took him home.

    I am also sending strength to you to deal with the brooms. You did a great job standing up to them not so long ago. Remember how hard that was but how good it felt? You can continue to stand up for your rights.