First day of school!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by dstc_99, Jan 6, 2014.

  1. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I think I want to live in a bubble! easy child is just so dang negative I have a hard time biting my tongue and not telling her to get over herself.

    So here are her complaints for the day.

    1. Everyone is skinny
    2. Everyone wears bracelets that say "I Love God"
    3. They are all homophobes
    4. All the girls are tall
    5. All the boys are short
    6. The bathrooms are too far apart
    7. The tables in the cafeteria have chairs that can be smashed over someones head
    8. Someone said she had a nice :censored2:
    9. They are all perky
    10. There are clique's
    11. Her book bag broke
    12. Learning to open a locker is too hard
    13. There aren't many military kids there
    14. I tried to introduce her to some other military kids who go there and live by us (NOT COOL)
    15. The sky was blue!

    LOL You get the point. She did say the school was nice and that she thought her teachers were too. The food didn't appear to be horrible but she didn't eat because she was alone. I almost fell over in astonishment at that point she actually said something not 100% negative.

    PS: She chose this school because the one she is supposed to go to was too scary looking.
    PPS: All the military kids go to the school she thought was scary
    PPPS: When did it get wrong for someone to like your :censored2:?
    PPPPS: Her book bag is really a huge purse and since she refuses to use her locker (see #12) it is extremely heavy.
    PPPPPS: It's a heavily military community so most of the kids in the school are either military or kids of prior military.
    PPPPPPS: It is not a religious school it is a public school so the "I love God" thing is baffling.

    I could go on and on! It would almost be funny if it weren't so dang annoying listening to her negativity.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    At least she sort of liked it. I know how hard all of that negativity is to listen to.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, she doesn't like school (big duh, huh?) Maybe she is a bit school phobic and none would please her. She is maybe afraid of the kids?
    My guess is she is exaggerating. In her mind, she may not think so, but I doubt that the entire school population is waring God bracelets.
    LOL...most young teens...the girls are taller than the boys. That changes :) Poor kid. And poor you for having to hear her wallowing in all that negativity. If she isn't getting bullied, maybe you should just nod your head in sympathy and see what happens in the long run :)
  4. silverlining

    silverlining New Member

    Hi dstc_99,

    I wanted to send you a virtual hug regarding your post. I've only posted once but I read this site a lot...

    As I was reading your list it was eerie, I could have written that kind of list on a daily basis. My difficult child (trying his best to be a easy child) did that every day in 5th and 6th grade (he is now 13 and in 7th) and it just about drove me around the bend. At the time he had finally been diagnosis'd with ADD (inattentive) and medicated for it, so he was doing better in school...but as soon as he stepped off the bus, even if he had a good day he started picking fights literally over whether I'm walking too fast or to slow, the weather is nice or it isn't, and the sky is blue. Yes, really he has tried to argue with me about that.

    I came to grit my teeth and hate the time that he got home from school because this would start immediately and there went my nice bubble that I would like to live in all day long too. No matter how hard I tried to stay calm and patient and not take it personally, at some point I'd snap and end up stressed, shouting, feeling mad and upset the rest of the day. easy child/older brother would just disappear into his room for the rest of the day and shut the door, which made me even more sad.

    Things are better now. Not perfect but the negativity got better after we figured out some things about our difficult child,

    1. a certain ADD medication made him super irritable, to the point of mania/crazy talk, until we switched and found one that did not make him so angry and unhappy about every little thing. So now we can actually have a disagreement and talk it out without immediately getting all the angry words, insults, provoking, shouting and (when I tried to reason back with logic) retreating into his room and shutting down.

    2. He had a high level of constant anxiety & fear about school, esp. appearing stupid in front of the other kids (he has an IEP, but would rather keep failing every test than use his accommodations). His therapist thought his anxiety was holding him back even more than his Learning Disability (LD)'s. So now he also takes Intuniv at night; AM dose had him falling asleep in class. It seems to take an edge off, so he doesn't escalate straight from zero to cussing me out over daily stuff, like brushing teeth for example: this used to cause WW III every single morning and at first we thought it was a sensory thing, but now I think it was because he was already ramped up and stressed just thinking about the school day.

    3. when he didn't eat a good lunch with-protein, only chips/drinks/candy, it was especially bad - he's only now beginning to understand/acknowledge there's a connection between what he eats and how it will make him feel later in terms of mood and ability to focus.

    4. not that he'd listen to me about it, but he got from his peers and from health and P.E. class that for many people, exercise is stress relief, so we were able to convince him that if he feels bad he can go out on the trampoline and "jump it off" to feel better. He often does that by himself now without any prompting.

    5. When we suggested that he might be happier at a different school, it just made it worse - he did like his school (and we do too), and he does have some good friends there who also live in our neighborhood (despite also having some bullies), and for him the idea of possibly switching schools was another constant source of anxiety. So we've been reassuring him we would not take him out against his wish, and I think that's helped too.

    Reading your daughter's list of things that are wrong at her school, it felt to me like no matter how good the school is (and yay for her that she did see some bright spots!), she could always come up with more things to be negative about because of her own internal stress that expresses itself that way. Taking it out on you that she is anxious, worried, stressed, feeling bad emotionally or physically or both, whatever it may be in her situation. I'm guessing it's her stress relief to try and pour all that negativity onto you and that's why some things on her list may not seem like rational complaints. My difficult child could go on forever until he was truly in the realm of ridiculous/irrational complaints, and that was a signal that he had bad feelings inside that he didn't know how else to express. I used to call myself his lightning rod - dumping bad vibes on me seemed to calm him down and make him feel better! Argh, that was so hard. I felt like a failure that I had such an unpleasant and oppositional kid.

    Sorry this is so long. Please take everything with-grain of salt. I just feel that I've been there too, so I would like to send you that bubble where your daughter's negative vibes can roll off the outside and not poke through. It's a nice place, quiet, warm, no storms get in. :)

    (Boy does that bring back my own anxieties about middle school though. I feel for your daughter on some things I remember hating such as...those lockers...the bathrooms...the cliques...the homophobes, anti-Semites, all kinds of intolerance, even coming from some teachers...everyone else but me was skinny and looked good in their clothes... also, getting a public comment about your nice *** may not feel like a compliment, it may be rudeness/harassment depending on how it was said...middle school boys aren't known for being especially polite or respectful especially in groups, so maybe she might like to speak about that with a counselor she likes if it made her feel bad.)

    Warm wishes from the polar vortex (a.k.a. East Coast).
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome to HS, X difficult child X 10!
    So much to take in. It can be overwhelming. I bet in a week, half the complaints are gone.
    Fingers crossed.
  6. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys! Day two was totally different. She had a good day and as of today is inviting a friend over for the night.

    Cross your fingers she may turn into a real teenager! LOL I just don't understand how my difficult child never wanted people in the house and rarely invited people over. She just hated having people (even her friends) there. When I was growing up I think my mom had to put a limit of 5 on me. LOL I wanted everyone over for a sleepover every weekend. Here's to hoping easy child will make some nice friends and want to spend time with them.
  7. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    "turn into a real teenager" be careful what you wish for...

    When I read thru the list my response was "oh she's a little version of my mother" I swear if my mom doesn't have something to complain about she is down right miserable.

    I'm glad she made a friend, hopefully they have the same lunch.

  8. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    LOL a real teenager would be a blessing compared to a difficult child or a easy child who is so negative. I know there is good and bad either way but I'll take healthy rebellion over difficult child crap any day.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Had the rebel and the easy child. The easy child actually is not rebellious. Rules don't bother her. She actually thinks difficult child behavior is "stupid" and "why would anyone do stuff like that."

    I read somewhere that 80% of our teens here in the US are basically good kids, not getting into the serious stereotypical trouble. Of course, we are here because of that 20%...the ones with mental health issues and authority problems. My difficult child teen did what she wanted to do, including breaking the law.

    I'll take the easy child behavior anyday.

    To the newer posters, if you would like more feedback, you can always start your own threads :) Welcome to the board.
  10. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I have been tempted to update my signature because even though easy child has some Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and ADHD her other issues are overeating and one really lame attempt at cutting over a year ago. Which of course happened during the whole difficult child explosion and move out. Litterally on the night of the move out. I honestly think she was so upset at that point she did something stupid. Getting ready to speak to the psychiatrist about it.
  11. Can't speak for your difficult child, but my parents didn't like to wear clothing and our house was a pigsty, which is why I never invited people over. I hung out at other people's houses. lol
  12. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    See that I could understand. I do tend to walk from room to room naked when trying to get ready. Mainly because easy child borrows all my stuff and doesn't bring it back so I have to go get it. On the other hand in 13 years she has never seen me do that when other people are here. difficult child never has either. I think the only time anyone ever saw me naked was by accident when I thought I heard something on the front porch and went to peek only to find it was a kid that was going to ride to school with my daughter. I didn't know about the plan so I was surprised to say the least. LOL

    No pigsty or anything odd here. We do drink occasionally but not when we have other peoples kids over.