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First new thread in a while....hoping for support.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 703009" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you for responding, Nomad.Nomad, hi.</p><p></p><p>Except the problem is, at least with my son, he believes that by demonstrating any capacity to work--he sows the seeds of complete loss of benefits. There is such disinformation and gossip out there about just what will happen, in this situation and that--the whole idea of working (and reporting it) even for an hour--he runs from.</p><p></p><p>That is why we never paid him for working, but did help him and bought a nice gift.</p><p>You are right. The core amount paid by the federal government is the same across the country. I think not much more than $600. But each State can offer a supplement of sorts; my son receives slightly more than $900.00</p><p></p><p>M is refusing to let him work for him. My son is arrogant and at heart indifferent. Frequently he will use the necessity to work for M, as the excuse for not doing essential things for himself. Nothing gets done and he can fly the flag that it is our fault--or he can avoid working by saying he needs to take care of his own essential needs.</p><p></p><p>He obfuscates and he denies and he creates chaos. Better to have things simple: <em>don't help us. Don't work with us at all. Take care of your own life, in the way you choose. Except keep this in mind: no drugs; until we decide otherwise, nobody in the apartment with you; clean the space and keep it clean; reimburse me for utility bills; for an indeterminate time, you will not pay rent.</em></p><p></p><p><em>But for that hand up you are expected to make a life for yourself that involves productive work of some sort, constructive social relationships and recreation, and goals. You can determine what you do and how to do it.</em></p><p></p><p><em>But I determine if and when your efforts prove unsatisfactory to me, this agreement ends, just as you have no commitment to me. You can leave any time you wish.</em></p><p>You see, Nomad, this is exactly the problem. He is not grateful. Not only does he see it as his due, he believes we are so stupid and feeble-minded that he can confuse us and enchant us with a few flashy words.</p><p></p><p>Like "therapist" or "college" or "martial arts" or see, "I don't owe anything." All of this means (I will translate here): <em>Both of you are idiots who I can control and deceive. I know everything. You know nothing. And your only reason to be in my life, is to serve me. Remember that and remember your place: I am in charge of you.</em></p><p></p><p>And his favored tools to do this:</p><p></p><p>divide and conquer.</p><p>repetition to wear us out.</p><p>confusion and obfuscation.</p><p>intimidation and sarcasm to inspire anger, and resulting capitulation.</p><p></p><p>His favorite, of everything: <em>in the end of the day they will obey me because they love me and they are afraid. They do not want me in danger or dead.</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 703009, member: 18958"] Thank you for responding, Nomad.Nomad, hi. Except the problem is, at least with my son, he believes that by demonstrating any capacity to work--he sows the seeds of complete loss of benefits. There is such disinformation and gossip out there about just what will happen, in this situation and that--the whole idea of working (and reporting it) even for an hour--he runs from. That is why we never paid him for working, but did help him and bought a nice gift. You are right. The core amount paid by the federal government is the same across the country. I think not much more than $600. But each State can offer a supplement of sorts; my son receives slightly more than $900.00 M is refusing to let him work for him. My son is arrogant and at heart indifferent. Frequently he will use the necessity to work for M, as the excuse for not doing essential things for himself. Nothing gets done and he can fly the flag that it is our fault--or he can avoid working by saying he needs to take care of his own essential needs. He obfuscates and he denies and he creates chaos. Better to have things simple: [I]don't help us. Don't work with us at all. Take care of your own life, in the way you choose. Except keep this in mind: no drugs; until we decide otherwise, nobody in the apartment with you; clean the space and keep it clean; reimburse me for utility bills; for an indeterminate time, you will not pay rent.[/I] [I]But for that hand up you are expected to make a life for yourself that involves productive work of some sort, constructive social relationships and recreation, and goals. You can determine what you do and how to do it.[/I] [I]But I determine if and when your efforts prove unsatisfactory to me, this agreement ends, just as you have no commitment to me. You can leave any time you wish.[/I] You see, Nomad, this is exactly the problem. He is not grateful. Not only does he see it as his due, he believes we are so stupid and feeble-minded that he can confuse us and enchant us with a few flashy words. Like "therapist" or "college" or "martial arts" or see, "I don't owe anything." All of this means (I will translate here): [I]Both of you are idiots who I can control and deceive. I know everything. You know nothing. And your only reason to be in my life, is to serve me. Remember that and remember your place: I am in charge of you.[/I] And his favored tools to do this: divide and conquer. repetition to wear us out. confusion and obfuscation. intimidation and sarcasm to inspire anger, and resulting capitulation. His favorite, of everything: [I]in the end of the day they will obey me because they love me and they are afraid. They do not want me in danger or dead.[/I] [/QUOTE]
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