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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 556707" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hi and welcome. I'm sorry you are going though this with your son. Many of us here have adult children we're attempting to teach how to take flight on their own. Some of our kids have a real failure to launch and in all fairness to them, those transitions from childhood to adulthood can be very tough on some kids. If he isn't doing drugs, smoking or drinking, perhaps he is afraid of what the next step is and taking that out on you. Or he has no idea what to do next and is taking it out on you. Have you considered getting him some kind of counseling? I agree with DaisyFace that forcing him to attend college when he is unmotivated is likely a waste of your money. </p><p></p><p>Teenagers really don't know how to voice their fears and concerns, I think that might be more so for boys who are supposed to be tough, so there may be a lot going on under the surface for him that he is unable to communicate or even understand himself. Some neutral party, like a therapist, clergy, family friend or relative he can trust may provide a forum for him to get real about what he wants to do next. He may not confide in you at this point for fear of disappointing you. </p><p></p><p>I may be totally off base, this is simply my experience and what I have seen. Others who have kids who are using drugs or alcohol may weigh in with different opinions. </p><p></p><p>As far as not liking your child, that may be more common then you believe, you may have just landed there for the first time. Teenagers by definition can be remarkably unlikable, so I'd say unload that guilt and concentrate on looking past his actions and trying to see what is really going on with him. He may just be procrastinating growing up. I saw on Facebook the other day a sign that said, <strong>"Don't grow up, it's a trap!</strong>" It made me laugh. It's a challenging transition for some. I know it's hard on you too, hang in there, we know how you feel. You've joined the ranks of the Warrior Moms! (((HUGS))))</p><p></p><p>Oh, and I want to add, perhaps the next step is to figure out what you can live with while he is living with you and set some boundaries you are comfortable with. This is a transition for you too, a time for you to learn what you can live with and what you cannot live with, and make that clear to him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 556707, member: 13542"] Hi and welcome. I'm sorry you are going though this with your son. Many of us here have adult children we're attempting to teach how to take flight on their own. Some of our kids have a real failure to launch and in all fairness to them, those transitions from childhood to adulthood can be very tough on some kids. If he isn't doing drugs, smoking or drinking, perhaps he is afraid of what the next step is and taking that out on you. Or he has no idea what to do next and is taking it out on you. Have you considered getting him some kind of counseling? I agree with DaisyFace that forcing him to attend college when he is unmotivated is likely a waste of your money. Teenagers really don't know how to voice their fears and concerns, I think that might be more so for boys who are supposed to be tough, so there may be a lot going on under the surface for him that he is unable to communicate or even understand himself. Some neutral party, like a therapist, clergy, family friend or relative he can trust may provide a forum for him to get real about what he wants to do next. He may not confide in you at this point for fear of disappointing you. I may be totally off base, this is simply my experience and what I have seen. Others who have kids who are using drugs or alcohol may weigh in with different opinions. As far as not liking your child, that may be more common then you believe, you may have just landed there for the first time. Teenagers by definition can be remarkably unlikable, so I'd say unload that guilt and concentrate on looking past his actions and trying to see what is really going on with him. He may just be procrastinating growing up. I saw on Facebook the other day a sign that said, [B]"Don't grow up, it's a trap![/B]" It made me laugh. It's a challenging transition for some. I know it's hard on you too, hang in there, we know how you feel. You've joined the ranks of the Warrior Moms! (((HUGS)))) Oh, and I want to add, perhaps the next step is to figure out what you can live with while he is living with you and set some boundaries you are comfortable with. This is a transition for you too, a time for you to learn what you can live with and what you cannot live with, and make that clear to him. [/QUOTE]
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