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First Time Posting: Kicked son out and I just don't think I can handle this!
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 470583"><p>First of all, I am so very sorry. It is clear that you are hurting and hurting badly. No parent should have to go through this pain; but as you have read here, many have been in your shoes or have had very similar experiences. For whatever reason or reasons, be it a child's innate personality, parenting mistakes, mental illness, bad influences, drugs...some sort of strange combination of factors....it might all boil down to the fact that once your child reaches the age of 18 and certainly the age of 21, then all bets are off. We might give extra chances depending on circumstances, but the proverbial foot has to be put down at some point and I think you know in your heart of hearts that it was time (perhaps past time) that you set boundaries and limits in your home.</p><p></p><p> I think you know in your heart that at age 28, your adult child, has no business remaining in your home unless there are extreme extenuating circumstances AND he is respectful and helpful to you and your family. This absolutely does NOT sound like your situation. </p><p></p><p>Great that you gave him the names and numbers of the two missions. If it is within your means and you are open to it and he is willing able to go, I would consider making an offer to pay for him to get counseling. But of course, you would have to make sure he is going and that you pay any counselor DIRECTLY.</p><p></p><p>As for going forward with your life....well, that is difficult, but very necessary. I like this quote: "For every disciplined effort, there is multiple reward." I do think this is actually a very disciplined, very difficult effort (to move forward in life with this difficulty in the background). But if you do it, you will be rewarded 1000x. Of course it is extra difficult also having a sick mother to care for, so do not be too hard on yourself.</p><p></p><p>If you can, I would consider getting therapy for yourself...your plate is too full. Find what you enjoy in life and SIMPLY DO IT. This might be reading, going to the movie with friends, getting a manicure, etc. If you don't exercise, consider starting a routine of some kind. Just put one foot in front of the other and do something simple, yet positive and move forward.</p><p></p><p>Put the ball in his court to do something with HIS life and as best as you can and as much as you can, do NOT think about his behavior or lack of behaviors. Let him figure it all out and perhaps get some help from a professional. You should SERIOUSLY consider staying out of it.</p><p></p><p>You actually set a good example for him by not engaging him any longer. You set a good example for him when you show him that even though you are experiencing turmoil, you are setting up limits and boundaries and moving forward in life in a healthy and happy manner.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 470583"] First of all, I am so very sorry. It is clear that you are hurting and hurting badly. No parent should have to go through this pain; but as you have read here, many have been in your shoes or have had very similar experiences. For whatever reason or reasons, be it a child's innate personality, parenting mistakes, mental illness, bad influences, drugs...some sort of strange combination of factors....it might all boil down to the fact that once your child reaches the age of 18 and certainly the age of 21, then all bets are off. We might give extra chances depending on circumstances, but the proverbial foot has to be put down at some point and I think you know in your heart of hearts that it was time (perhaps past time) that you set boundaries and limits in your home. I think you know in your heart that at age 28, your adult child, has no business remaining in your home unless there are extreme extenuating circumstances AND he is respectful and helpful to you and your family. This absolutely does NOT sound like your situation. Great that you gave him the names and numbers of the two missions. If it is within your means and you are open to it and he is willing able to go, I would consider making an offer to pay for him to get counseling. But of course, you would have to make sure he is going and that you pay any counselor DIRECTLY. As for going forward with your life....well, that is difficult, but very necessary. I like this quote: "For every disciplined effort, there is multiple reward." I do think this is actually a very disciplined, very difficult effort (to move forward in life with this difficulty in the background). But if you do it, you will be rewarded 1000x. Of course it is extra difficult also having a sick mother to care for, so do not be too hard on yourself. If you can, I would consider getting therapy for yourself...your plate is too full. Find what you enjoy in life and SIMPLY DO IT. This might be reading, going to the movie with friends, getting a manicure, etc. If you don't exercise, consider starting a routine of some kind. Just put one foot in front of the other and do something simple, yet positive and move forward. Put the ball in his court to do something with HIS life and as best as you can and as much as you can, do NOT think about his behavior or lack of behaviors. Let him figure it all out and perhaps get some help from a professional. You should SERIOUSLY consider staying out of it. You actually set a good example for him by not engaging him any longer. You set a good example for him when you show him that even though you are experiencing turmoil, you are setting up limits and boundaries and moving forward in life in a healthy and happy manner. [/QUOTE]
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First Time Posting: Kicked son out and I just don't think I can handle this!
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