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First Time Posting: Kicked son out and I just don't think I can handle this!
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 470665"><p>I am well acquainted with that about to throw up feeling. It's horrible. {hugs}</p><p></p><p>I too found this forum out of desperation. My 19yo difficult child left home after we told him we could not support his return to school knowing he was using drugs. Your statement "if we could just get thru this one year with him..." is familiar to me. We spent the summer saying the same thing about difficult child-ignoring the obvious, gritting our teeth and thinking that getting him back to school-giving him opportunity for education (at any cost)was the answer. </p><p></p><p>What I've learned from the wonderful moms on this forum is that by pacifying the situation-I handed him the control. Adult relationships are based on mutual respect-and parties give as much as they get. difficult child gave nothing and the more I gave (gave in really) the more he expected. The second (3,4,5th...) chances we extended were the equivalent of lowering the bar. </p><p></p><p>You have the right to set boundaries in your life. The "son you want" is not available to you.He is not in stock, no rainchecks available. No matter how much you want a healthy, respectful adult child-no matter how hard you try to help him change, no matter how much love you pour into him, how well you raised him-that son does not exist. Mythical good son is not available. You have the choice to reclaim your life or to continue the madness. He has been choosing himself for 28 years, you have been choosing him over yourself and your family for ar least a decade. 3 weeks ago-you chose you! That's to be applauded. You did the right thing. Don't second guess yourself.</p><p></p><p>Stay busy, put one foot in front of the other, get out of the house as often as you can. Post here, get some pro help, look into alanon. Do not second guess. You can do this, we can do this. Continuing the crazy life is the only other choice and it's NOT an option!{{hugs}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 470665"] I am well acquainted with that about to throw up feeling. It's horrible. {hugs} I too found this forum out of desperation. My 19yo difficult child left home after we told him we could not support his return to school knowing he was using drugs. Your statement "if we could just get thru this one year with him..." is familiar to me. We spent the summer saying the same thing about difficult child-ignoring the obvious, gritting our teeth and thinking that getting him back to school-giving him opportunity for education (at any cost)was the answer. What I've learned from the wonderful moms on this forum is that by pacifying the situation-I handed him the control. Adult relationships are based on mutual respect-and parties give as much as they get. difficult child gave nothing and the more I gave (gave in really) the more he expected. The second (3,4,5th...) chances we extended were the equivalent of lowering the bar. You have the right to set boundaries in your life. The "son you want" is not available to you.He is not in stock, no rainchecks available. No matter how much you want a healthy, respectful adult child-no matter how hard you try to help him change, no matter how much love you pour into him, how well you raised him-that son does not exist. Mythical good son is not available. You have the choice to reclaim your life or to continue the madness. He has been choosing himself for 28 years, you have been choosing him over yourself and your family for ar least a decade. 3 weeks ago-you chose you! That's to be applauded. You did the right thing. Don't second guess yourself. Stay busy, put one foot in front of the other, get out of the house as often as you can. Post here, get some pro help, look into alanon. Do not second guess. You can do this, we can do this. Continuing the crazy life is the only other choice and it's NOT an option!{{hugs}} [/QUOTE]
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First Time Posting: Kicked son out and I just don't think I can handle this!
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