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Parent Emeritus
First Time Posting: Kicked son out and I just don't think I can handle this!
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsieshaye" data-source="post: 470736" data-attributes="member: 12928"><p>Dollphyn, I just wanted to let you know that I really do understand how you feel. You've spent his whole life focused on him and on what you felt you needed to do to help him. It takes some work to shift your perspective to not be focused on him. What's been helping me is therapy and doing nice things for myself (even small things like sitting and doing my nails while I watch TV). Can you look into respite care for your mother so that you and husband can go out and get an ice cream together, or see a movie once a week? Something to give you some time together (the only rule is, you can't talk about your difficult child during that time). I hit a period where all I was talking about and thinking about was my difficult child. I was boring and obsessed. I actually had to make a rule for myself that "for the next hour, I will not mention DS". It took me a few weeks to figure out what to talk about, because he had taken over my whole mind. Even now, with DS out of my house for a little over a week, my rule is that I can only talk about him online on this forum and one other, to one friend of mine (but only for a few minutes so I don't drive her bonkers), and during therapy. Allowing myself times where I can focus on him, and cry, and worry gives me space to not do those things the remaining 95% of the time, and helps me feel like a human being again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsieshaye, post: 470736, member: 12928"] Dollphyn, I just wanted to let you know that I really do understand how you feel. You've spent his whole life focused on him and on what you felt you needed to do to help him. It takes some work to shift your perspective to not be focused on him. What's been helping me is therapy and doing nice things for myself (even small things like sitting and doing my nails while I watch TV). Can you look into respite care for your mother so that you and husband can go out and get an ice cream together, or see a movie once a week? Something to give you some time together (the only rule is, you can't talk about your difficult child during that time). I hit a period where all I was talking about and thinking about was my difficult child. I was boring and obsessed. I actually had to make a rule for myself that "for the next hour, I will not mention DS". It took me a few weeks to figure out what to talk about, because he had taken over my whole mind. Even now, with DS out of my house for a little over a week, my rule is that I can only talk about him online on this forum and one other, to one friend of mine (but only for a few minutes so I don't drive her bonkers), and during therapy. Allowing myself times where I can focus on him, and cry, and worry gives me space to not do those things the remaining 95% of the time, and helps me feel like a human being again. [/QUOTE]
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First Time Posting: Kicked son out and I just don't think I can handle this!
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