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First Time Posting: Kicked son out and I just don't think I can handle this!
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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 471242" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>Hello and welcome. I am so sorry for your situation I am another who has been there done that with a difficult child. </p><p></p><p>Your son's alcholism is not your fault. We spoke to our children candidly about genetics and alcholism. The commercials say if you speak to them it won't happen...the commercials lie. Genetics play a huge part in addictions. </p><p></p><p>I strongly suggest you go to an alanon meeting and/or a Coda (co-dependants anonomus) There you will learn how to change your enabling manner and also how to give up the guilt that makes you do it. In addition there are support groups for caregivers for alsheimer's patients. My father in law has this and we had to make the hard decision to put him in a facility because he could not be handled at home. We were fortunate in that he had enough money to cover it and we didn't have to use up ours. That said the trauma of loosing a parent so very slowly and angonizingly does put enormous strain on the child. It helps to find people who are in the same situation. These are things that you can do for yourself that might help you cope better.</p><p></p><p>In addition I am going to suggest is this. You must understand that you have value too. Not just as a caregiver, wife, and mother etc. but as an indivitual with emotions and needs of your own. If you do not take care of your own needs, eventually you won't be able to take care of anyone elses. You will become so depleated you'll become physically ill. So, identify what you need and find a way to get it. Do not fill your respice time running errands. Take a few hours per week for yourself. Take a class, read a book, join a book club or a gardening club. Learn to knit, whatever you like.</p><p></p><p>Above all remember to see the small joys in your life and take the time to appreciate them. A beautiful sunset, a pretty bird. silly squirrels etc. All these are gifts that we too often overlook when we are stressed but which can actually relieve our stress (to some degree) if we take the time to acknowledge them. </p><p></p><p>Detachment and moving foward with our lives is a process. Be gentle with yourself and come here when you need support. -RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 471242, member: 2315"] Hello and welcome. I am so sorry for your situation I am another who has been there done that with a difficult child. Your son's alcholism is not your fault. We spoke to our children candidly about genetics and alcholism. The commercials say if you speak to them it won't happen...the commercials lie. Genetics play a huge part in addictions. I strongly suggest you go to an alanon meeting and/or a Coda (co-dependants anonomus) There you will learn how to change your enabling manner and also how to give up the guilt that makes you do it. In addition there are support groups for caregivers for alsheimer's patients. My father in law has this and we had to make the hard decision to put him in a facility because he could not be handled at home. We were fortunate in that he had enough money to cover it and we didn't have to use up ours. That said the trauma of loosing a parent so very slowly and angonizingly does put enormous strain on the child. It helps to find people who are in the same situation. These are things that you can do for yourself that might help you cope better. In addition I am going to suggest is this. You must understand that you have value too. Not just as a caregiver, wife, and mother etc. but as an indivitual with emotions and needs of your own. If you do not take care of your own needs, eventually you won't be able to take care of anyone elses. You will become so depleated you'll become physically ill. So, identify what you need and find a way to get it. Do not fill your respice time running errands. Take a few hours per week for yourself. Take a class, read a book, join a book club or a gardening club. Learn to knit, whatever you like. Above all remember to see the small joys in your life and take the time to appreciate them. A beautiful sunset, a pretty bird. silly squirrels etc. All these are gifts that we too often overlook when we are stressed but which can actually relieve our stress (to some degree) if we take the time to acknowledge them. Detachment and moving foward with our lives is a process. Be gentle with yourself and come here when you need support. -RM [/QUOTE]
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First Time Posting: Kicked son out and I just don't think I can handle this!
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