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Family of Origin
FOO bad affects on our own children...did it happen?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 674514" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I read about Judaism, had developed such a curiosity about Judaism at one point. I think I wanted to know why what had happened to the Jewish people had happened. The caricatures were so awful. To understand a camp system ~ that we could be taken from our homes and our people destroyed. I had not known of such possibilities, growing up. Yet, I read incredible things, or listened to hauntingly perfect music created by Jewish people. I saw Jewish comedians, and loved the characters they played in movies.</p><p></p><p>That is how I became curious about Jewish, and what that meant.</p><p></p><p>In my imagination, their families and marriages were perfectly balanced things, places of learning and honor. I had read their laws regarding these ways of living a life.</p><p></p><p>Did you know I decided to become Jewish at one point? Have I posted that here, I wonder. The Rabbi I saw was all about Masada. And I had already read that book, of course. And it was such a bad fit between us. I had enough killing stories and more than he ever knew, probably, from my own life.</p><p></p><p>So, I did not see him again, and did not become Jewish.</p><p></p><p>I still find the concepts beautiful.</p><p></p><p>Now I forgot where I was going with this.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Isn't it something, when we think about...I mean, when we understand the true thing that times that meant cherishment and deep gratitude for others were hellish re-enactments of scarcity patterning for us.</p><p></p><p>I have been thinking that way alot lately. It sounds like I am whining about things that should not matter, but when we add in the things every other little boy or little girl was cushioned within, then we can understand something more about ourselves; something more about the terrible loneliness and vulnerability we thought was normal.</p><p></p><p>I have been, not thinking intentionally about that, but coming upon it unexpectedly. I cannot imagine how we came through this childhood. In a way, it does seem that we knew what we knew and believed it, and believed in it, no matter what they said or what they did to us or how often or how deeply we were betrayed.</p><p></p><p>And now, we are grown up and learning we were right, all along.</p><p></p><p>So much of what I see in all of it now is so irredeemably ugly. Irredeemable in the sense that the meanness seems to stupidly wrong.</p><p></p><p>I just keep stumbling over that.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 674514, member: 17461"] I read about Judaism, had developed such a curiosity about Judaism at one point. I think I wanted to know why what had happened to the Jewish people had happened. The caricatures were so awful. To understand a camp system ~ that we could be taken from our homes and our people destroyed. I had not known of such possibilities, growing up. Yet, I read incredible things, or listened to hauntingly perfect music created by Jewish people. I saw Jewish comedians, and loved the characters they played in movies. That is how I became curious about Jewish, and what that meant. In my imagination, their families and marriages were perfectly balanced things, places of learning and honor. I had read their laws regarding these ways of living a life. Did you know I decided to become Jewish at one point? Have I posted that here, I wonder. The Rabbi I saw was all about Masada. And I had already read that book, of course. And it was such a bad fit between us. I had enough killing stories and more than he ever knew, probably, from my own life. So, I did not see him again, and did not become Jewish. I still find the concepts beautiful. Now I forgot where I was going with this. Isn't it something, when we think about...I mean, when we understand the true thing that times that meant cherishment and deep gratitude for others were hellish re-enactments of scarcity patterning for us. I have been thinking that way alot lately. It sounds like I am whining about things that should not matter, but when we add in the things every other little boy or little girl was cushioned within, then we can understand something more about ourselves; something more about the terrible loneliness and vulnerability we thought was normal. I have been, not thinking intentionally about that, but coming upon it unexpectedly. I cannot imagine how we came through this childhood. In a way, it does seem that we knew what we knew and believed it, and believed in it, no matter what they said or what they did to us or how often or how deeply we were betrayed. And now, we are grown up and learning we were right, all along. So much of what I see in all of it now is so irredeemably ugly. Irredeemable in the sense that the meanness seems to stupidly wrong. I just keep stumbling over that. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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FOO bad affects on our own children...did it happen?
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