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Parent Emeritus
For those who have adult adopted difficult children....
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 397728" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Our difficult child has wanted to find her birthmother for years. We told her when she was 21 we would help (in our state the legal age to search is 21). When she was 18 I contacted the agency to see if they would help find her so that difficult child could meet her. At the time difficult child was in the midst of some legal trouble and we were hoping she could help straighten difficult child out. They did contact bm and she was suppose to fill out paperwork for the reunification and never did. We filled out our paperwork and agreed to permit sharing of emails. For months we waited and I kept calling and the agency said she was not in a good frame of mind. We found out (from internet searching) that she was married twice, divorced twice, foreclosed on her home, lost her job, had numerous legal problems and still had the same alcohol problem that she had when she was a young girl. Now we knew what we were dealing with. difficult child was doing and acting the exact same way as her bm, even with all the nuturing of a good stable family and every opportunity to succeed. It was then that we finally realized that nothing we did could have changed the inevitable. Like toughlovin said, we knew for years that nature trumps nurture, but it was incredible how closely she was following her in her bm's footsteps.</p><p></p><p>We are debating now whether we should contact bm and tell her that difficult child has a serious drinking problem and has been kicked out of the house. But she is living in the basement of a friend's house and has just had another lawsuit filed against her by yet another bank so her support would not help.</p><p></p><p>So we continue to lie to difficult child and tell her they cannot find her birthmother. I am convinced she could not help difficult child now and may even cause her more problems. </p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 397728, member: 59"] Our difficult child has wanted to find her birthmother for years. We told her when she was 21 we would help (in our state the legal age to search is 21). When she was 18 I contacted the agency to see if they would help find her so that difficult child could meet her. At the time difficult child was in the midst of some legal trouble and we were hoping she could help straighten difficult child out. They did contact bm and she was suppose to fill out paperwork for the reunification and never did. We filled out our paperwork and agreed to permit sharing of emails. For months we waited and I kept calling and the agency said she was not in a good frame of mind. We found out (from internet searching) that she was married twice, divorced twice, foreclosed on her home, lost her job, had numerous legal problems and still had the same alcohol problem that she had when she was a young girl. Now we knew what we were dealing with. difficult child was doing and acting the exact same way as her bm, even with all the nuturing of a good stable family and every opportunity to succeed. It was then that we finally realized that nothing we did could have changed the inevitable. Like toughlovin said, we knew for years that nature trumps nurture, but it was incredible how closely she was following her in her bm's footsteps. We are debating now whether we should contact bm and tell her that difficult child has a serious drinking problem and has been kicked out of the house. But she is living in the basement of a friend's house and has just had another lawsuit filed against her by yet another bank so her support would not help. So we continue to lie to difficult child and tell her they cannot find her birthmother. I am convinced she could not help difficult child now and may even cause her more problems. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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