dashcat
Member
Did your difficult child search for his/her birthparents?
My daughter is 19 and we adopted her at 8 months. Her birthmom was 15 and had been in the foster care system for several years. She did not voluntarily surrender daughter but, when CFS moved them to separate foster homes and began adoption proceedings, BM did not exercise her legal right to fight it. We feel that she knew she was not able to raise her daughter and wanted what was best for her.
Even though it was a closed adoption, we know more than most people in similar circumstances. We have met all the foster families who were involved, we know the BM's name and we know a little bit about her family situation.
We've always been very open with our daughter. She has said, from a very early age, tha she would search. We told her we'd be supportive of that, but she needed to wait until age 18.
When she turned 18, she said she wanted to search and I put her in touch with a local agency that helps with such things. They ask that you join (I said I would pay the 1st years dues), and attend at least two meetings. Then, they put you in touch with an intermediary who will help with search and contact. daughter blew off the first meeting, saying she wanted to wait until her first year of college was over. She has since dropped out, is now 19 and seems to either have lost interest or she is attempting to do this on her own.
I am supportive either way. I would understand if she wanted to search, and would also understand if she didn't. I think part of her - a big part - is afraid of waht she might find. I have BM's SSN, (daughter does not) so finding her would be fairly easy. She has a very common name, so googling, facebook, etc might work, but not easily. I've cautioned her that an intermediary is very important - you don't just knock on someone's door and say "SURPRISE!".
What kind of experiences have you had - either yourselves, or with your kids?
Dash
My daughter is 19 and we adopted her at 8 months. Her birthmom was 15 and had been in the foster care system for several years. She did not voluntarily surrender daughter but, when CFS moved them to separate foster homes and began adoption proceedings, BM did not exercise her legal right to fight it. We feel that she knew she was not able to raise her daughter and wanted what was best for her.
Even though it was a closed adoption, we know more than most people in similar circumstances. We have met all the foster families who were involved, we know the BM's name and we know a little bit about her family situation.
We've always been very open with our daughter. She has said, from a very early age, tha she would search. We told her we'd be supportive of that, but she needed to wait until age 18.
When she turned 18, she said she wanted to search and I put her in touch with a local agency that helps with such things. They ask that you join (I said I would pay the 1st years dues), and attend at least two meetings. Then, they put you in touch with an intermediary who will help with search and contact. daughter blew off the first meeting, saying she wanted to wait until her first year of college was over. She has since dropped out, is now 19 and seems to either have lost interest or she is attempting to do this on her own.
I am supportive either way. I would understand if she wanted to search, and would also understand if she didn't. I think part of her - a big part - is afraid of waht she might find. I have BM's SSN, (daughter does not) so finding her would be fairly easy. She has a very common name, so googling, facebook, etc might work, but not easily. I've cautioned her that an intermediary is very important - you don't just knock on someone's door and say "SURPRISE!".
What kind of experiences have you had - either yourselves, or with your kids?
Dash
