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Parent Emeritus
For those who have adult adopted difficult children....
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 397782"><p>JJJ - I didn't mean to imply that it was the fact of adoption that caused the statistic, just that it is startling that so many adopted kids need these kind of services. The reasons for the statistic could be many, including the issues that lead to adoption as you describe, as well as adoptive parents are often better off financially and so seek those services earlier etc. I do think for a kid who is already not real resiliant already that adoption issues are just one more thing they have to deal with. However there are many many many adopted kids who do great and do not have these kind of problems.</p><p></p><p>Dash - I have felt for a long time that my sons issues, especially with impuslivity etc. are his hard wiring. Definitely his nature. However I have also felt that we have been a protective factor for him too. I just can't imagine what would have happened to him if he had ended up in the foster care system. I think it would have been catastrophic and there is a good chance he would be dead by now. He just is not resiliant and I do think it was our love and support that has kept him going until the age of 19. Now of course he is an adult and it is up to him. I do think our love and the values we taught him will help him navigate the world as long as he is sober. If he is using all that goes out the window. So I do think our love that we give our children give them some real tools to work with, even if for a period they totally ignore them, however it does not mean they will never go back to the core values they grew up with.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 397782"] JJJ - I didn't mean to imply that it was the fact of adoption that caused the statistic, just that it is startling that so many adopted kids need these kind of services. The reasons for the statistic could be many, including the issues that lead to adoption as you describe, as well as adoptive parents are often better off financially and so seek those services earlier etc. I do think for a kid who is already not real resiliant already that adoption issues are just one more thing they have to deal with. However there are many many many adopted kids who do great and do not have these kind of problems. Dash - I have felt for a long time that my sons issues, especially with impuslivity etc. are his hard wiring. Definitely his nature. However I have also felt that we have been a protective factor for him too. I just can't imagine what would have happened to him if he had ended up in the foster care system. I think it would have been catastrophic and there is a good chance he would be dead by now. He just is not resiliant and I do think it was our love and support that has kept him going until the age of 19. Now of course he is an adult and it is up to him. I do think our love and the values we taught him will help him navigate the world as long as he is sober. If he is using all that goes out the window. So I do think our love that we give our children give them some real tools to work with, even if for a period they totally ignore them, however it does not mean they will never go back to the core values they grew up with. [/QUOTE]
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For those who have adult adopted difficult children....
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