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The Watercooler
Found N's birthmother, but she doesn't want to talk (long)
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 232137" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>The one good thing in all this, MWM, is that the child is hurt because they know it is WRONG for a bio-parent to not be there in some way for their child. I'm not saying it was wrong for you to adopt her- I'm saying the bio-Mom should be there to just talk to N occassionally and reassure her and let her know that she cares for her, but reinforce this path she's on as you and hub raising her. The reason this is good is because, in my humble opinion, when these kids eventually work through this pain and mature enough to relaize that it's because the bio-parent was wrong, I think it breaks that chain. That doesn't mean any of our kids might not be in a position of having a child and putting it up for adoption someday, but I'll bet you that mine doesn't ever "not love" his child or make sure that the child knows he/she's loved and has a father that cares, whether he raises it or not. And your N probably will never be like her bio-mother either.</p><p></p><p>If they never felt this hurt, then I think it could mean that they are growing up feeling like this is ok- it is not ok- it is wrong. I'm not bashing B for having her child adopted and raised by someone else. I have NO problem with that. I'm bashing her because she is turning her back on her child when the ONLY thing expected or asked of her is to let her child know that she is cared for and that nothing is wrong with her and that things are this way so she could have a better life. That's why I say it sounds just like difficult child and his father's situation to me. </p><p></p><p>I would take a few mins to tell that to ANY child- it wouldn't even need to be a child I know personally. Soome people aren't worth the dirt they walk on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 232137, member: 3699"] The one good thing in all this, MWM, is that the child is hurt because they know it is WRONG for a bio-parent to not be there in some way for their child. I'm not saying it was wrong for you to adopt her- I'm saying the bio-Mom should be there to just talk to N occassionally and reassure her and let her know that she cares for her, but reinforce this path she's on as you and hub raising her. The reason this is good is because, in my humble opinion, when these kids eventually work through this pain and mature enough to relaize that it's because the bio-parent was wrong, I think it breaks that chain. That doesn't mean any of our kids might not be in a position of having a child and putting it up for adoption someday, but I'll bet you that mine doesn't ever "not love" his child or make sure that the child knows he/she's loved and has a father that cares, whether he raises it or not. And your N probably will never be like her bio-mother either. If they never felt this hurt, then I think it could mean that they are growing up feeling like this is ok- it is not ok- it is wrong. I'm not bashing B for having her child adopted and raised by someone else. I have NO problem with that. I'm bashing her because she is turning her back on her child when the ONLY thing expected or asked of her is to let her child know that she is cared for and that nothing is wrong with her and that things are this way so she could have a better life. That's why I say it sounds just like difficult child and his father's situation to me. I would take a few mins to tell that to ANY child- it wouldn't even need to be a child I know personally. Soome people aren't worth the dirt they walk on. [/QUOTE]
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Found N's birthmother, but she doesn't want to talk (long)
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