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The Watercooler
Found N's birthmother, but she doesn't want to talk (long)
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 232139" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>MWM, I am so sorry for the hurt; You are so compassionate. Someday your daughter will understand.</p><p> </p><p>Our bmom is, once again, starting to pull away. She is not mature ... she was very mature to place difficult child with-us, but somehow, she seemed to regress. I think that people do not learn on a steady, upward curve. We ebb and flow, move forward and then backslide. difficult child's bmom is backsliding because she has her own insecurities, and needs others to affirm her, to validate her--including her placed-for-adoption son.</p><p>Problem is, he's a boy. He's a preteen boy. And he's an Aspie boy.</p><p>Not a lot of warm fuzzies there, ya know? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> </p><p>So I'm thinking N.'s bmom is going through much the same thing. For whatever reason, she is backing away. (And her husband is not helping matters. He may be jealous or over-protective. You can only guess.) Maybe when she's older, she'll change her mind and want to be contacted.</p><p> </p><p>I know people who made contact in their 60s and 70s. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> </p><p>Vent away. We're here for you.</p><p>Allow your daughter to vent. Be there for her.</p><p> </p><p>But don't try to solve the problem just now. Clearly, it's not the right time. (Cool that you did so well in your search, though. Kudos.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 232139, member: 3419"] MWM, I am so sorry for the hurt; You are so compassionate. Someday your daughter will understand. Our bmom is, once again, starting to pull away. She is not mature ... she was very mature to place difficult child with-us, but somehow, she seemed to regress. I think that people do not learn on a steady, upward curve. We ebb and flow, move forward and then backslide. difficult child's bmom is backsliding because she has her own insecurities, and needs others to affirm her, to validate her--including her placed-for-adoption son. Problem is, he's a boy. He's a preteen boy. And he's an Aspie boy. Not a lot of warm fuzzies there, ya know? :) So I'm thinking N.'s bmom is going through much the same thing. For whatever reason, she is backing away. (And her husband is not helping matters. He may be jealous or over-protective. You can only guess.) Maybe when she's older, she'll change her mind and want to be contacted. I know people who made contact in their 60s and 70s. :) Vent away. We're here for you. Allow your daughter to vent. Be there for her. But don't try to solve the problem just now. Clearly, it's not the right time. (Cool that you did so well in your search, though. Kudos.) [/QUOTE]
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Found N's birthmother, but she doesn't want to talk (long)
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