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The Watercooler
Found N's birthmother, but she doesn't want to talk (long)
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 232157" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>This is a good example of why I believe it's in the best interest of the child that they not reunite until they are 18 or 21, whichever your state recognizes as the legal age that an adoptee can find their birthparent without consent. When my difficult child has asked about finding her bm in the past I've always told her that when she is 21 I will help her do that and that the laws were made to protect children until they were old enough and mature enough to handle the situation. I think a 12 year old is way to young to handle all the emotions involved. </p><p></p><p>I've said it before, I believe all adopted children have adoption issues to some extent or another. The hole they have in their heart is so big that for some, it just can't be filled. I have tried to put myself in my difficult child's place and I can understand why she has self esteem issues, even though we have done everything we could to avoid that. It's no wonder they feel different or inferior. In their mind their bm's didn't want them. I am afraid that my difficult child will be very disappointed when she finally reunites with hers, but I'm glad we waited until she was a little more mature before that happens.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like your daughter's bm still has some growing up to do, and it's better that she is not in her life until that happens. </p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 232157, member: 59"] This is a good example of why I believe it's in the best interest of the child that they not reunite until they are 18 or 21, whichever your state recognizes as the legal age that an adoptee can find their birthparent without consent. When my difficult child has asked about finding her bm in the past I've always told her that when she is 21 I will help her do that and that the laws were made to protect children until they were old enough and mature enough to handle the situation. I think a 12 year old is way to young to handle all the emotions involved. I've said it before, I believe all adopted children have adoption issues to some extent or another. The hole they have in their heart is so big that for some, it just can't be filled. I have tried to put myself in my difficult child's place and I can understand why she has self esteem issues, even though we have done everything we could to avoid that. It's no wonder they feel different or inferior. In their mind their bm's didn't want them. I am afraid that my difficult child will be very disappointed when she finally reunites with hers, but I'm glad we waited until she was a little more mature before that happens. It sounds like your daughter's bm still has some growing up to do, and it's better that she is not in her life until that happens. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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Found N's birthmother, but she doesn't want to talk (long)
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