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frightened and stunned
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<blockquote data-quote="artana" data-source="post: 263699" data-attributes="member: 6186"><p>stunned,</p><p> </p><p> Welcome to the boards. I do not have as much experience as many of the moms here in terms of raising a child into his/her teens with issues. But, I do have the experience of having been a teenager in an abusive relationship.</p><p> </p><p> I would suggest that you not jump the gun on the drugs. Yes, they could be drugs, but the actions you are talking about make me wonder. If the boyfriend was supplying drugs and she doesn't have them when he's gone, there should be signs of withdrawal and crankiness. Instead, she seems fine.</p><p> </p><p> My concern would be how abusive the relationship is. A young woman who thinks of herself as very intelligent might feel a lot of shame and self-loathing for having put herself in a bad relationship. I know she shouldn't feel this way, but a lot of times that is what strengthens the co-dependence between an abusive partner and an abused one. Anyway, if she is ashamed, part of that can easily come out as anger and defensiveness every time this guy is around her. It's also hard for someone to walk out of that relationship.</p><p> </p><p> I know that I haven't presented solutions. I was just trying to reassure you that if your gut instinct is not drugs, then you are probably right about the boyfriend. Emotional issues from abusive relationships can spread to most areas of someone's life. I hope that you will keep us up to date and that the therapy helps her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="artana, post: 263699, member: 6186"] stunned, Welcome to the boards. I do not have as much experience as many of the moms here in terms of raising a child into his/her teens with issues. But, I do have the experience of having been a teenager in an abusive relationship. I would suggest that you not jump the gun on the drugs. Yes, they could be drugs, but the actions you are talking about make me wonder. If the boyfriend was supplying drugs and she doesn't have them when he's gone, there should be signs of withdrawal and crankiness. Instead, she seems fine. My concern would be how abusive the relationship is. A young woman who thinks of herself as very intelligent might feel a lot of shame and self-loathing for having put herself in a bad relationship. I know she shouldn't feel this way, but a lot of times that is what strengthens the co-dependence between an abusive partner and an abused one. Anyway, if she is ashamed, part of that can easily come out as anger and defensiveness every time this guy is around her. It's also hard for someone to walk out of that relationship. I know that I haven't presented solutions. I was just trying to reassure you that if your gut instinct is not drugs, then you are probably right about the boyfriend. Emotional issues from abusive relationships can spread to most areas of someone's life. I hope that you will keep us up to date and that the therapy helps her. [/QUOTE]
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