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Parent Emeritus
From 'emeritus' back to active parenting? Or not?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 687886" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Suzir</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are back. It is about your priorities for yourselves. I will assume here that you will be able to stay in the children's lives as respite even if the worst happens, that they go to group homes. Would they be together or separate, should that occur? That is a difficult thought. There were a few years in my life where I really did what I wanted. I loved it. While my son was with me through all of it, my needs took precedence. Some were very judgmental of me. But these years define me as much or more than any of the other stuff I have done.</p><p></p><p>So I do not minimize the importance of liberty to follow ones dreams.</p><p></p><p>Yet at the end of the day, each of us by this stage of life, knows who we are and what defines us. Knows what in ourselves, what we need to live from. And to protect. Like when my mother fell ill.</p><p></p><p>I could not still be myself and not take care of her. Even though doing so and its aftermath altered my life course and changed me into a different person. I have not worked for over 3 and a half years. I have a profession. Yet I have lived as a recluse, since that choice. Because I had to do something (or betray the person I was and knew myself to be), my life changed, perhaps irremediably.</p><p></p><p>So ready to live and Cedar, here, make the same point. Choosing one thing, maintaining part of the other. Take the kids, and get the travel and freedom, a little bit. SRTL, keep the respite but get the free life.</p><p></p><p>Still, there is the necessity to choose. It is really not just a question of the life you want to have, but the person you are and want to be. And the reality is that we have no way of knowing how the choice will affect us. In my case, I did not come out the way I could have or would have intended to be. I wanted these years to be filled with productivity and fun and achievement. Not like this.</p><p></p><p>But that could have happened anyway. The lesson sometimes is that we do not control life. We can just control what we decide in that moment. There is no guarantee that even if you intend freedom, that you will get it.</p><p></p><p>It comes down to who you are and who you want to be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 687886, member: 18958"] Hi Suzir I am glad you are back. It is about your priorities for yourselves. I will assume here that you will be able to stay in the children's lives as respite even if the worst happens, that they go to group homes. Would they be together or separate, should that occur? That is a difficult thought. There were a few years in my life where I really did what I wanted. I loved it. While my son was with me through all of it, my needs took precedence. Some were very judgmental of me. But these years define me as much or more than any of the other stuff I have done. So I do not minimize the importance of liberty to follow ones dreams. Yet at the end of the day, each of us by this stage of life, knows who we are and what defines us. Knows what in ourselves, what we need to live from. And to protect. Like when my mother fell ill. I could not still be myself and not take care of her. Even though doing so and its aftermath altered my life course and changed me into a different person. I have not worked for over 3 and a half years. I have a profession. Yet I have lived as a recluse, since that choice. Because I had to do something (or betray the person I was and knew myself to be), my life changed, perhaps irremediably. So ready to live and Cedar, here, make the same point. Choosing one thing, maintaining part of the other. Take the kids, and get the travel and freedom, a little bit. SRTL, keep the respite but get the free life. Still, there is the necessity to choose. It is really not just a question of the life you want to have, but the person you are and want to be. And the reality is that we have no way of knowing how the choice will affect us. In my case, I did not come out the way I could have or would have intended to be. I wanted these years to be filled with productivity and fun and achievement. Not like this. But that could have happened anyway. The lesson sometimes is that we do not control life. We can just control what we decide in that moment. There is no guarantee that even if you intend freedom, that you will get it. It comes down to who you are and who you want to be. [/QUOTE]
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From 'emeritus' back to active parenting? Or not?
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