Buddy... it's the biggest cliche, I'm afraid, but please do be kind to yourself (include yourself in your "be kind to" list 
) Of course you feel this way. You are a human being who has been living under very considerable stress. Considerably stressed reactions are arising in you. 2 + 2 = 4, you know? Thinking you "shouldn't" feel this way is just not realistic, not how it is. The feelings are arising. Can you try to observe them as they arise rather than raging at the next idiot you meet on the road? For your sake, I mean, just as much as his... Like all these things it is one to file under Easier Said Than Done and I shall try to remember it next time I am about to lose it with young J.
Can you try to build special times with friends and/or sisters into your schedule - or times when you do something that really makes you feel connected and joyous (and that doesn't cost too much money). A walk in the woods, along a canal (do you have those?), going to see a film, doing a yoga class, going for a swim? This is perhaps as important to you right now as just ingesting medicine, although I don't mean to dismiss that as a possibility. Hugs. And a cyber bunch of flowers - what do you like? Zinnia? Roses? A simple handful of spring daffodils? 
