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Frustrating Team Mtg at psychiatric hospital Today
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 497325" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>(((((hugs))))) I know how frustrating that must have been!! Geetting them to keep him is a BIG win. </p><p></p><p>Back when Wiz was in the psychiatric hospital the 1st time, they wanted to send him home after a week because he was so "sweet and caring and couldn't POSSIBLY be doing what we said". I wanted to pull their lungs out through their nostrils. At this point the psychiatrist had not even SEEN us, much less spoken to us. Seems he didn't "do" parents. I was very frustrating to him because I insisted on being at meetings with him and jumped though any hoop to do it. </p><p></p><p>Have you had a family therapy session there? By the 4th or 5th week I was clearly losing the battle to keep him there and I went into a family therapy session and pushed every single one of his buttons over and over until he blew up. They were totally surprised because they did not think he did any of the things he cut loose with. They didn't think a kid was capable of honeymooning for 2 weeks, much less as long as he did. I had a good rapport iwth the therapist and she knew what I was going to do (trigger his rage) and was sure that I would see that it wasn't really a rage and that I was exaggerating. There was ONE nurse on the ward who knew how bad the situation was from day one - she just seemed to KNOW that he was fooling everyone else and it was actually her advice to trigger hm in the therapy session.</p><p></p><p>You may need to do this. It will be one of the ugliest experiences of your life. I felt horribly guilty for doing it, like I MADE him have a meltdown so it was really me who was sick not him. After the therapy session I barely made it to the bathroom off of the ward. I didn't want to use the one on the ward because I did NOT want him to know that he had the power to make me that sick/upset/hurt/scared. I knew it would be very dangerous if he had ANY clue of that and they sent him home rather than keep him until he got help.</p><p></p><p>One reason they say that it is parenting is because a LOT of parents don't seem to want to parent - they want to be their child's friend and then when child is in trouble or is defiant, the parent makes it sound much worse than it is. The staff also may not see many kids who look so sweet and misunderstood and like they come from a good home/family and really they are jsut "mistunderstood" and if the parents were consistent then the problems would go away. MOST tdocs/psychiatrists have practices where this is the majority of their patients. So they really just don't have a clue what all we have gone through and how what they are saying is something we tried years ago, still have as part of our skllset but doesn't address the actual problem. I havenever understood the "parent as friend" thing because kids go through a lot of friends but they only get one set of parents and the parent is there to help them be the best they can be, not to make them happy all the time (happy is a nice thing, but is not our main job, in my opinion)</p><p></p><p>Do you have a Parent Report that shows ALL of these techniques that you have tried and how they did or didn't work? If so, give them copies and go over it iwth them. If not? write one. It takes time, and you won't get all the details in a draft if you have to give it to them this week or next, but you CAN make a good start and give them the basic info of what you have already done and how it had no lasting effects. One of the reasons a Parent Report is so powerful is that it documents that you tried all these things. It isn't just you saying that you did, it is in black and white with dates, results, etc..... A quirk of people is that we will believe things that are written even if we didn't when we were given the info orally. Seeing it printed on a page makes it more "official" in our minds. </p><p></p><p>The link in my sig will take you to the Parent Report and you can get the more applicable sections started, then give copies to the psychiatric hospital staff.</p><p></p><p>It always baffles me when someone in a psychiatric hospital thinks that the solution is so quick and easy. We were once told to read "The Everything Book of Aspergers", throw away ALL the other books/resource material we had on Asperger's, and that Wiz would be "fixed" and would make safe choices and not ever hurt anyone again if we just spent 1 hour per day doing an activity 1 on 1 with him - the activity of his choice and no matter what it was we were to pay for it and do it and let him win if it was a competition. He wasn't 3, he was 13. he also flat out refused to EVER do ANYTHING with us. he got them to say we should drive him to someplace inappropriate and then giving him $50 or so and we waited OUTSIDE while he spent a couple of HOURS doing whatever. This was written down as what the psychiatric hospital said we should do and they sent it to CPS to try to force us to do it. The psychiatric hospital said that by doing this we would be keeping all of our kids safe and Wiz wouldn't abuse Jess or I anymore. </p><p></p><p>We were not supposed to have ONE of us do this each night. husband was to do this and then I was to do it AGAIN each night. There was no way, what would we do with the other kids? Sell them to make enough to give Wiz $100 a night to go play with? Thankfully he wasn't into drugs, but how stupid can someone be? </p><p></p><p>So while I am not surprised by what they told you, they are only operating on difficult child's poor little unloved me act. Let them handle school for a while and keep pushing them to keep him there. I know it is hard, and confusing that they are so stupid, but hang in there as best you can.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 497325, member: 1233"] (((((hugs))))) I know how frustrating that must have been!! Geetting them to keep him is a BIG win. Back when Wiz was in the psychiatric hospital the 1st time, they wanted to send him home after a week because he was so "sweet and caring and couldn't POSSIBLY be doing what we said". I wanted to pull their lungs out through their nostrils. At this point the psychiatrist had not even SEEN us, much less spoken to us. Seems he didn't "do" parents. I was very frustrating to him because I insisted on being at meetings with him and jumped though any hoop to do it. Have you had a family therapy session there? By the 4th or 5th week I was clearly losing the battle to keep him there and I went into a family therapy session and pushed every single one of his buttons over and over until he blew up. They were totally surprised because they did not think he did any of the things he cut loose with. They didn't think a kid was capable of honeymooning for 2 weeks, much less as long as he did. I had a good rapport iwth the therapist and she knew what I was going to do (trigger his rage) and was sure that I would see that it wasn't really a rage and that I was exaggerating. There was ONE nurse on the ward who knew how bad the situation was from day one - she just seemed to KNOW that he was fooling everyone else and it was actually her advice to trigger hm in the therapy session. You may need to do this. It will be one of the ugliest experiences of your life. I felt horribly guilty for doing it, like I MADE him have a meltdown so it was really me who was sick not him. After the therapy session I barely made it to the bathroom off of the ward. I didn't want to use the one on the ward because I did NOT want him to know that he had the power to make me that sick/upset/hurt/scared. I knew it would be very dangerous if he had ANY clue of that and they sent him home rather than keep him until he got help. One reason they say that it is parenting is because a LOT of parents don't seem to want to parent - they want to be their child's friend and then when child is in trouble or is defiant, the parent makes it sound much worse than it is. The staff also may not see many kids who look so sweet and misunderstood and like they come from a good home/family and really they are jsut "mistunderstood" and if the parents were consistent then the problems would go away. MOST tdocs/psychiatrists have practices where this is the majority of their patients. So they really just don't have a clue what all we have gone through and how what they are saying is something we tried years ago, still have as part of our skllset but doesn't address the actual problem. I havenever understood the "parent as friend" thing because kids go through a lot of friends but they only get one set of parents and the parent is there to help them be the best they can be, not to make them happy all the time (happy is a nice thing, but is not our main job, in my opinion) Do you have a Parent Report that shows ALL of these techniques that you have tried and how they did or didn't work? If so, give them copies and go over it iwth them. If not? write one. It takes time, and you won't get all the details in a draft if you have to give it to them this week or next, but you CAN make a good start and give them the basic info of what you have already done and how it had no lasting effects. One of the reasons a Parent Report is so powerful is that it documents that you tried all these things. It isn't just you saying that you did, it is in black and white with dates, results, etc..... A quirk of people is that we will believe things that are written even if we didn't when we were given the info orally. Seeing it printed on a page makes it more "official" in our minds. The link in my sig will take you to the Parent Report and you can get the more applicable sections started, then give copies to the psychiatric hospital staff. It always baffles me when someone in a psychiatric hospital thinks that the solution is so quick and easy. We were once told to read "The Everything Book of Aspergers", throw away ALL the other books/resource material we had on Asperger's, and that Wiz would be "fixed" and would make safe choices and not ever hurt anyone again if we just spent 1 hour per day doing an activity 1 on 1 with him - the activity of his choice and no matter what it was we were to pay for it and do it and let him win if it was a competition. He wasn't 3, he was 13. he also flat out refused to EVER do ANYTHING with us. he got them to say we should drive him to someplace inappropriate and then giving him $50 or so and we waited OUTSIDE while he spent a couple of HOURS doing whatever. This was written down as what the psychiatric hospital said we should do and they sent it to CPS to try to force us to do it. The psychiatric hospital said that by doing this we would be keeping all of our kids safe and Wiz wouldn't abuse Jess or I anymore. We were not supposed to have ONE of us do this each night. husband was to do this and then I was to do it AGAIN each night. There was no way, what would we do with the other kids? Sell them to make enough to give Wiz $100 a night to go play with? Thankfully he wasn't into drugs, but how stupid can someone be? So while I am not surprised by what they told you, they are only operating on difficult child's poor little unloved me act. Let them handle school for a while and keep pushing them to keep him there. I know it is hard, and confusing that they are so stupid, but hang in there as best you can. [/QUOTE]
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